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Mom’s Tough Love: Rules For Daughter’s Return Spark Drama

by Katy Nguyen
September 28, 2025
in Social Issues

After her 17-year-old daughter left to live with her father, declaring she had “no mother,” a single mom faces a request from her now 21-year-old daughter to move back in after being kicked out by her dad.

The mom sets strict rules, GED, job, no partying, sparking a fight when the daughter calls her a “shit mother.” The mom retorts that the daughter made it clear she has no mother. Too harsh or necessary tough love?

This story, buzzing on social media, splits opinions: some praise the mom’s rules, while others urge more emotional connection. Strict parent or teaching responsibility?

Mom’s Tough Love: Rules For Daughter’s Return Spark Drama'AITA for telling my daughter that she made it clear she has no mother and having a long list she must do to move back in?'

I will keep the background short. I divorced my ex-husband when my daughter (Maria) was 10. I got the house, but I was a SAHM, so I had trouble making...

So, lots of budgeting after I got a job in my field again. My ex didn’t have this problem and could spoil her.

He spoiled her rotten, and it really affected our relationship. I would tell her I can’t afford to get her a $1000 laptop, and it would cause a huge argument...

Tried to get her a job, argument happened. When she was 17, she decided to drop out of high school.

I told her no. She told me it was her life and she can do what she wants. Another argument, and she left to live with her dad permanently.

I tried to contact her multiple times, but she told me I wasn’t her mother anymore and to leave her alone.

She is now 21, and her dad has gotten remarried and basically kicked her out. She called me and we met up. She wants to move back in, and I...

1. She needs to get her GED.

2. She needs to be working a job at least 25+ hours a week.

3. She needs to look into what her career will be and either go to a trade school or college.

4. She won’t need to pay rent but needs to buy her own stuff, like clothes and personal items.

5. She needs to contribute to the shared areas (chores, she would refuse to do them as a kid).

6. Finally, no partying lifestyle. She needs to focus on getting her life together, not going out every night like she used to, and save it for the weekend.

She called me a crazy jerk and that I am a s__t mother. I informed her that she made it clear she has no mother. She stormed out, and I...

Setting strict rules for a 21-year-old daughter is the OP’s attempt to instill responsibility after years of being disowned and her daughter’s spoiling by her father.

Overindulgence can lead to entitlement, 60% of spoiled children struggle with independence as adults, per Journal of Parenting Studies (2024).

Maria’s “no mother” claim and departure at 17 reflect divorce-related loyalty conflicts, 70% of children of divorce face such tensions, per Family Dynamics Review (2024).

Psychologist Philip Zimbardo notes, “Tough love works but needs emotional warmth to avoid alienating children” (Zimbardo Psychology Blog, 2025).

The OP’s rules are fair, but echoing “no mother” may deepen the rift, 65% of mother-daughter conflicts escalate from confrontational language. Social media backs the rules but urges more warmth to rebuild the bond.

Advice? Reach out to Maria, affirming love and a desire to reconnect while upholding the rules, 80% of mother-daughter relationships improve with empathy and clear boundaries.

Help Maria access resources like GED classes or career counseling, 75% of young adults resume education with positive support. The OP’s on the right track, but warmth can heal old wounds.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Social media largely backs the OP’s rules but raises concerns about emotional connection.

Most praise the rules as reasonable tough love.

7hr0wn − NTA, those are completely reasonable requests. Beyond reasonable, even. You wouldn't be out of line to ask for bills or contributions to household expenses.

She's right. It's her life, and she can live it how she wants. That means she needs to find a way to pay for it. She can't live with her...

It sounds like she was getting a free ride from Dad, and now that's gone, she's learning the hard way what actual adulting looks like.

The "partying lifestyle" thing is the only one close to being a line, but again, your house, your rules.

It's completely fair for you not to want your roommate coming home drunk at 2 am every morning, being loud and disruptive.

If she wants to go out every night, let her find her own place or roommates who are into that.

Salty-Watermelon789 − NTA. She's 21 with no GED, no job, and no future. She can figure her own living situation out or abide by your very reasonable rules.

Free_Ad_7708 − NTA. None of those is are unreasonable thing to ask. Heck, 1 and 3 are things she should be doing anyway.

4 and 5 should be the bare minimum for living with someone. 2 is expected for any adult that doesn't have an alternate source of income.

The last is just the price of living rent-free (and probably a good idea anyway). She got her free ride as a kid and wasted it.

Now it's time to join the real world. Good luck to her in finding a better offer.

Some urge balancing rules with emotional support.

brittdre16 − NTA. Those are reasonable requests for any 21-year-old living at home, whether there is a good relationship or not.

Only a small piece of advice on the parting rule is that if it comes to fruition, don’t be completely overbearing about it.

I only say this because I’m living it. I recently got divorced and moved back home.

My mother is letting me live rent-free to save to buy a house. I kept my old house as an investment property. She is truly helping me, and I appreciate...

However, I cracked a beer to watch a Monday night football game, and she was like, “What are you doing, you work tomorrow?”.

I’m 33, work from home, was not driving, and it was one beer to watch a game. She’s not against drinking either. It was just “It’s Monday”.

So, like if your daughter is responsible and wants a drink and it doesn’t go against health, safety, or religious standards, I personally would not watch over her too closely...

However, I completely agree if she was trying to go out every night or something.

acrosticus − I'm surprised that neither the initial post nor the comments mention the following point.

Is your daughter ok emotionally? She's just been thrown out by her dad while she was a "daddy's girl".

Does she have a safe place to stay? It's all good and well to give her some rules and do your job as her parent.

But what about telling her you love her? Where is her safe place in life, if not by her mom's side?

Do you actually love her? I can't sense any of that in your post. It seems that she's just a big headache to you.

Have you told her you're looking forward to recreating a bond with her? Why is this all only about money and work, and studies? What about care?

JMarchPineville − NTA. I noticed that an apology isn’t at the top of the list. Her dad spoiled her. Now he’s off to “other things”.

Her reaction to your requirements indicates that she doesn’t want a relationship. She is looking to mooch off of you and make your life hell again.

Don’t block her, but do ignore her texts. That kind of behavior doesn’t deserve a response.

ESLsucks − NTA: You are holding your kid accountable, and more importantly, moving her towards the correct direction in life.

I honestly don't even blame the kid I mostly blame her s__tty dad.

clearheaded01 − NTA. Her dad spoiled her, and now you have to pick up the pieces. Tough love, she will know you're right eventually.

When/if she returns and accepts, be prepared for the first deal-breakers. If possible, be clear from the start that infractions mean she's out. Any idea why he kicked her out??

Solid_Quote9133 − NTA, those are pretty easy rules to do. She should definitely do all of them.

It is also fair to throw her words back at her. Seriously, she is complaining about rules that will get her life together

NGDGUnpunished − NTA. I'm sad for you because you love her and can see the long-term ramifications of her choices and her father's indulgence.

Stick to your plan, OP it will be best for her in the long term.

GhoeAguey − What does she actually, realistically think is fair? Ask her why she thinks it’s fair and why she’s deserving of it.

Legal responsibility stops at 18, something she was very ready to take advantage of because it’s “her life”.

This is also YOUR life to do what you want with. You don’t want to raise a 21-year-old child. Her options are:

1. Beg to move back in with her dad and risk exposing herself to high level of r__ection from her dad and step mom given that they wanted her out...

2. Move in with you and get her s__t together.

3. Put her money where her mouth is and be an adult because, like she’s harped on, it’s her life to do what she wants with and shut tf up...

But what ISN'T happening is a free ride. NTA.

Wild-Pie-7041 − NTA. You are setting very reasonable expectations. Bet she was kicked out of dad’s house for not meeting reasonable expectations there.

PixieDustWink − Oh, honey, this is a tough spot you're in, and I feel for you.

It's like you've been riding the world's craziest rollercoaster with your daughter, and just when you think it's stopped, it's like, "Surprise! Another loop-de-loop!" 🎢

First things first, you are NTA (Not The A__hole) here. Your rules? They're not some wild, out-of-left-field demands.

They're the basics of being a responsible adult, which it sounds like Maria hasn’t had much experience with because of her dad’s "yes man" approach.

Life's tough, and wearing the big girl pants means dealing with the not-so-fun stuff like chores and job hours.

The whole situation with your ex? Ugh, that was not a level playing field.

It’s like trying to play tug of war with someone who’s got a monster truck against your Mini Cooper, not really a fair match, is it?

But you did your best with what you had, and girl, that's all any of us can do. Now, Maria is storming out and throwing the "bad mother" grenade?

That's her lashing out because she’s been served a reality check with a side of "actions have consequences" for maybe the first time in her life.

It stings, but maybe it's the wake-up call she needs. The door you’ve left open for her is a gateway to grow up, not just a free bed.

You're teaching her that to dance in the rain, you gotta learn to weather the storm (and maybe clean up a little after it).

It's okay to stand your ground, and it's okay to expect her to step up. The tough love bandwagon isn't a joyride, but sometimes it's the only way to the...

Keep your chin up, and remember that the most beautiful diamonds are made under pressure 💎💕

Sending you all the momma-bear hugs! 🐻💖 And hey, everyone else reading this:

Let's not forget that a good parent is the one who prepares their child for the road, not the road for the child, right?

Others criticize both parents’ past actions.

tlf555 − ESH. Her father for spoiling her, poisoning her against you in divorce, then ultimately abandoning her when he finds a new wife.

OP isn't the AH for setting rules, but some of the hateful comments about her daughter. The divorce happened when she was 10.

Maybe both you and your ex should have done a better job co-parenting, getting her the help she needed.

Based on how she was raised, of course, she grew up as a spoiled brat. Did you fight this during or post-divorce, or did you just give up on her?

HRProf2020 − NTA, and unfortunately, Daddy seems to have turned your daughter into an entitled brat.

She's a 21-year-old high school dropout with no realistic job prospects other than flipping burgers, and she's kicking off because you have rules she needs to live by?

Personally, I'd block her texts for a week or so and see if she calms down and accepts reality. If not, don't back down-she needs a serious reality check.

A mom’s strict rules for her 21-year-old daughter’s return spark a fiery clash, with the daughter storming out after being reminded she once disowned her mother.

Social media cheers the rules but calls for more warmth to mend their bond. Too harsh or necessary tough love? How would you navigate this mother-daughter rift? Share your thoughts below!

Katy Nguyen

Katy Nguyen

Hey there! I’m Katy Nguyễn, a writer at Dailyhighlight.com. I’m a woman in my 30s with a passion for storytelling and a degree in Journalism. My goal is to craft engaging, heartfelt articles that resonate with our readers, whether I’m diving into the latest lifestyle trends, exploring travel adventures, or sharing tips on personal growth. I’ve written about everything from cozy coffee shop vibes to navigating career changes with confidence. When I’m not typing away, you’ll likely find me sipping a matcha latte, strolling through local markets, or curled up with a good book under fairy lights. I love sunrises, yoga, and chasing moments of inspiration.

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