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Mother Cuts Off MIL’s Husband After He Punishes Her 7-Year-Old for Not Giving Hugs

by Layla Bui
November 11, 2025
in Social Issues

No one expects drama to erupt over something as simple as a hug, yet that’s exactly what happened to one family this Thanksgiving. A mother who believes in teaching her kids bodily autonomy suddenly found her parenting values mocked and her child punished by her in-law’s husband.

What was meant to be a fun day with cousins turned into a painful lesson about control, respect, and cruelty disguised as “teaching.”

Now, she’s made a firm decision to keep her children away from the man altogether, but her husband and extended family think she’s gone too far. Was this mother protecting her child or destroying family ties over a misunderstanding?

A family gathering turns tense after a relative singles out a child at Thanksgiving, sparking a heated boundary between the parents and the in-laws

Mother Cuts Off MIL’s Husband After He Punishes Her 7-Year-Old for Not Giving Hugs
not the actual photo

'AITA for saying that my kids can never be around MIL's husband after what he did at Thanksgiving?'

We spent Thanksgiving with MIL and SFIL.

I always tell my kids they don't ever have to gives hugs or kisses if they don't want to.

My daughter (5) seems to feel bad for MIL and hug her. My son (7) chooses not to, and that is his choice.

MIL is pretty much the only person he doesn't hug.

MIL isn't a terrible person, but I've always gotten the feeling that she doesn't really like any of us,

but goes through the motions out of guilt/obligation.

There are some cultural differences, and I know she feels she has a responsibility as a mother

even though my husband is an adult. She helped us buy a house and paid for our wedding,

but never comes around. She is also extremely awkward around children.

Anyway we went because my kids love seeing all of their step cousins, and it is always a good time.

When we got there, my son wouldn't hug MIL but hugged everyone else.

Note I don't think she even wants a hug, I think this embarrasses her.

Her husband tried to guilt trip my son, and I shut that down because I don't tolerate emotional manipulation.

MIL at some point needed a shallot and sent her husband to the store.

He brought one of his grandkids with him (MIL's husband has about 7 grandkids and is like catnip to children)

He came back with candy for all of the kids, including my daughter, but none for my son.

When I gave him a WTF look, he said "but I thought I didn't owe anyone anything,

and I'm not responsible for other people's feelings" which is language

I've used to explain why I don't force my kids to give hugs.

My son was clearly very upset, because he was being excluded but also because he likes MILs husband a lot.

MIL's husband said he doesn't like how my son treats his wife, and he knows it sucks

but kids have to learn hard lessons sometimes.

I took my daughter's candy away, gave it back to him, and we left.

I said that man will never see my son again.

If MIL wants to visit our house she can (not that she ever has, literally ever) but they will never see him again.

This sucks because they have gotten close to his grandchildren, and all three of his children told me

that if I do this, they are done with me, when I asked about scheduling play dates.

My husband doesn't like what he did, but thinks I'm overreacting

and he is from a different generation and a different culture, and we should try to talk it out,

but I feel like for a grown man to do that to a kid is straight up evil.

Family gatherings often test emotional boundaries more than any other social setting.

In this Reddit story, a mother faced a painful conflict after her seven-year-old son declined to hug his grandmother, a boundary she had intentionally taught her children to uphold.

When the grandmother’s husband retaliated by excluding the boy from a Thanksgiving treat, the incident shifted from awkward family tension to a lesson in emotional safety.

For the mother, this wasn’t about manners; it was about protecting her child’s right to bodily autonomy.

Research consistently supports her approach. Child development specialists emphasize that forcing affection undermines consent education and self-trust.

Michigan State University’s Child and Family Development Program notes, “When children are forced to show physical affection, they may learn that other people’s feelings are more important than their own comfort, potentially making it harder to set boundaries later in life.”

The mother’s decision to respect her son’s “no” teaches autonomy, empathy, and confidence, core components of emotional health.

The step-grandfather’s response, using exclusion and mockery to “teach a lesson,” crosses into the realm of emotional manipulation.

The National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children (NSPCC) defines emotional abuse as behaviors that “make a child feel worthless, unloved, or inadequate.”

Withholding affection or gifts to shame a child fits this definition, especially when the adult is in a position of trust.

Psychologically, the mother’s protective reaction is both natural and warranted.

Family psychologist Dr. Ross Greene, author of The Explosive Child, explains that children’s “challenging” behaviors often reflect communication needs, not defiance.

Her son wasn’t rejecting family; he was expressing comfort boundaries, as he had been taught. Punishing that expression teaches fear, not respect.

So, the mother’s boundary isn’t an overreaction; it’s prevention. By defending her child’s right to feel safe, she modeled a powerful truth: love expressed through respect lasts far longer than affection demanded through guilt.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

These Redditors blamed OP for influencing her kids’ behavior, saying her dislike for MIL likely shaped her son’s rejection

aml2346 − I get the feeling that you don’t actually want your kids to hug MIL

and I’m guessing they can pick up on that too. Torn between ESH and YTA.

I think SFIL most likely knows how you feel about MIL & is proving a point.

He was still rude but regardless I think you’re over reacting.

Also at 7 you’re teaching your son that if he doesn’t get something he wants (a piece of candy),

he should just…. Cut that family member out of his life?

Princess_Snakeface − ESH. That was an AH-move of him but „that man will never see my son again“?

Come on, calm down, you completely overreacted.

Imaginary-Hippo8280 − ESH. SFIL was wrong to punish a child for a situation you as the parent created.

You are way off base on many levels. I do not force my stepkids to hug my mother (their stepgrandmother).

I can count on one hand the number of times my stepkids have hugged ME.

They do hug my husband as well as other people.

Now, just because they don’t hug my mother doesn’t mean they’re exempt from greeting her.

I expect them to say hello, be polite and respectful, etc.,

and I don’t feel this is emotional manipulation in any way. Why is your kid hugging everyone except his grandmother??

I’d wager a guess as to say it’s because he is loyal to you and he knows how you feel about his grandmother.

What if he refuses to hug your mother, or you? Do the same standards apply?

Are you requiring him to greet her politely and warmly regardless of whether he hugs her??

[Reddit User] − Oof ESH. FIL sucks for using your son as a means to try to make a point,

and completely disregarding his feelings. But this is like a small hole in the boat that can be patched,

and you're ready to just take the family and abandon ship. It's over-the-top and overall unnecessary.

Now, let's discuss why this all happened.

Your FIL went out of his way to single out your child in order to make a point.

This point being your MIL feels singled out by her own grandchild,

and not only do you blatantly disregard her feelings on the matter, you encourage this type of interaction.

She clearly cares for your family and is hurt by the way y'all reciprocate.

She has discussed this with her husband to the point he is upset with how upset she is.

Just because people don't wear their hearts on their sleeves doesn't mean they're heartless.

Similar-Movie-8616 − Esh u set boundaries so he did the same thing and now u mad...

how u gonna say the woman don't like yall but helped with house and wedding...

I got the feeling u are more of the problem then them...

poeadam − ESH He was obviously in the wrong but to decide to go full no contact

with the dude over this once incident is unreasonable.

You are ultimately punishing your children by removing their relationships with the other kids.

Kreeblim − Info: what does your spouse say about this?? Esh. I think it's a cultural difference.

If she didn't like you i doubt very much that she would have purchased your home or paid for your wedding.

you're teaching your kids they dont have to touch anyone they dont want to but that

if someone in turn treats them the same (life isn't fair), you're ready to throw the family away.

Also why did you choose to punish your daughter? You could have stopped and got your son some candy.

roncag0 − ESH. What a toxic group of people.

[Reddit User] − Gonna go with ESH, but you a little more. I don’t think what SFIL did was ok, but he also serves his point.

You seem to have a real distain for your husbands family and are looking for a reason not to go.

I don’t like the manipulation im seeing from both parties here.

Have you told your son at any point that a little hug hello would really make your grandma feel better?

Why can’t he give her an enthusiastic high five? How foes a 5 year old “feel bad for her”?

I get the heavy feeling you just don’t like her and your sour attitude gas rubbed off on them.

This is one of the few times im gonna say bite your tongue and deal with something for the sake of your kids.

This group called OP’s reaction dramatic and disproportionate

dancing_chinese_kid − YTA You have a lot of expectations about other people controlling their emotions

and being responsible for their emotions, but apparently you are allowed big, sweeping grand gestures and ultimatums.

MIL's husband was an a__hole, but was he wrong? Can you explain in words how he was wrong given your own logic?

I took my daughter's candy away, gave it back to him, and we left.

I said that man will never see my son again. Why did you take your daughter's candy away?

"I don't have ANY time for emotional manipulation, but how DARE you make my son sad one time,

you can literally never see him again in your entire life!

I know he actually loves you and will be sad about that, but I HAVE A POINT TO PROVE TO THE UNIVERSE!

GIVE ME THAT CANDY, DAUGHTER, MOM IS TEACHING THE WORLD A LESSON ABOUT EMOTIONAL CONTROL!"

Gigibean3 − YTA. If your husband wants to work it out you don't get the only say.

You can't expect to cut someone out without the rest of the family taking sides.

What he did was kinda s__tty but honestly I suspect the son is excluding MIL because of how you feel about her.

You even say your daughter only hugs her because she feels sorry for her... what? She's 5.

Maybe she likes her. You could have told your daughter to share the candy, but no,

you punished her with no candy because you were mad. You're emotionally manipulative.

​ If this woman and her husband are so bad don't like in the house she paid for and refund the wedding.

Don't use her for financial gain than trash her being terrible.

Take the stand that would cost you money, not your daughter candy.

[Reddit User] − YTA. When you go to any sort of function you introduce yourself

and greet everyone with the same level of respect.

Adults have feelings too and for your son to constantly avoid her and you don’t see anything wrong with it is messed up.

You are tripping if you think the SFIL is just going to sit there and allow his wife to be disrespected in her own house.

This is all on you. Instead of teaching your children to respect their elders,

you’re teaching them that it’s okay to have an attitude and be standoffish because they feel like it.

And as others have said it’s really weird that he will hug everyone but the MIL

which is seems like YOU have a problem with her.

This pair defended OP’s right to protect her son’s comfort

nyorifamiliarspirit − N-T-A for allowing your children full control of their bodily autonomy.

SFIL is a huge a__hole for deliberately leaving out your son.

I do think there is more going on here and I think that the children are getting caught up in a power play between adults,

so my overall ruling is ESH. Why is your son okay with hugging everyone except his grandma?

Did she do something that made him uncomfortable? Or is he doing what he thinks you want him to do?

You & your husband need to have a conversation with your son.

Then your husband needs to have a conversation with his mother.

Y'all need to learn to use your damn words.

BentBent12 − NTA. Your son is uncomfortable hugging MIL. Step-grandfather purposely left son out.

He wasn’t uncomfortable. He just wanted to be mean to a child to prove a point. He’s the AH.

Candid-Ear-4840 − I’m trying to imagine a world in which I could feel entitled to building relationships

with my step-FIL’s children and grandchildren while excluding step-FIL. You are so dramatic.

How dare you try to make friends with step-FIL’s children and grandchildren while ostracizing step-FIL.

Time to make your own damn friends with kids instead of leeching off your step-FIL’s family.

If you exclude one person (step-FIL) then logically there will be social consequences for that exclusion.

You and your son are both learning this simple fact.

Exclude one person in a family for petty reasons and obviously the rest of the family

won’t want to do you favors and hang out with you. Actions have consequences.

Grow up and make your own family friends- if you can make your own friends,

since you have such a poor grasp on social consequences.

Would you have banned the step-grandfather too, or tried to reconcile for the sake of peace? Sometimes the hardest lessons come not from children’s defiance but from the adults who can’t handle it.

Layla Bui

Layla Bui

Hi, I’m Layla Bui. I’m a lifestyle and culture writer for Daily Highlight. Living in Los Angeles gives me endless energy and stories to share. I believe words have the power to question the world around us. Through my writing, I explore themes of wellness, belonging, and social pressure, the quiet struggles that shape so many of our lives.

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