Family can be messy, but in-laws? That’s a whole different rollercoaster. One Redditor shared how her daughter-in-law, Kat, keeps calling her “Mom” despite repeated requests to stop. Add in intrusive questions and demands to join private family trips, and things boiled over fast.
When Kat insisted she had the right to join a private trip by claiming she was “one of the daughters,” the woman snapped, declaring she would never be Kat’s mother and telling her to leave her alone. Her son thinks she went too far and owes Kat an apology but Reddit had other ideas.
One woman told her DIL she’d never be her mother and to back off after repeated boundary violations, sparking family tension and calls for an apology
Boundary clashes like this often stem from deeper wounds. Kat’s abandonment by her biological mother is what psychologists call a “mother wound.” According to Psychology Today, this kind of trauma can manifest in adulthood as clinginess, over-dependence, or attempts to recreate lost parental bonds in unhealthy ways.
But here’s the tricky part: while Kat’s longing for a mother figure is understandable, forcing someone into that role is unfair. Licensed therapist Nedra Glover Tawwab explains in Set Boundaries, Find Peace: “Healthy relationships require mutual respect. If one person continually disregards boundaries, resentment becomes inevitable.”
On the MIL’s side, repeatedly correcting Kat and being ignored is a textbook example of boundary erosion. Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a psychologist who specializes in toxic relationships, often emphasizes that “No is a complete sentence.” When softer approaches fail, firmer language sometimes becomes necessary.
The son’s role complicates things further. By siding with his wife and asking his mother to apologize, he inadvertently enables Kat’s behavior. A 2018 study in Family Process found that unresolved in-law conflicts often escalate when spouses fail to mediate fairly—leading to long-term rifts not just between spouses and in-laws, but across the extended family.
What’s the best path forward? Experts suggest a dual approach:
- Kat should continue therapy to process her childhood trauma without projecting it onto her MIL.
- The MIL should reinforce boundaries consistently, perhaps limiting direct communication and routing sensitive discussions through her son.
- The son needs to recognize his responsibility in balancing loyalty to his wife with fairness to his mother.
Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:
This commenters saw Kat’s behavior as forcing a fantasy, not building a bond
Some criticized the son’s enabling, urging stronger boundaries
This group backed her right to reject the “Mom” role, suggesting communication through her son
This couple emphasized Kat’s entitlement and need for therapy
While one called her unhinged
This saga is about respect. Boundaries were set, ignored, and eventually enforced with brutal clarity. While Kat’s longing for a mother figure tugs at the heartstrings, it doesn’t excuse pushing into private matters or overriding someone else’s comfort zone.
Do you think the MIL was too harsh with her blunt words, or was it the only way to finally be heard? And what would you do if someone insisted on calling you “Mom” against your will? Share your thoughts below!
