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Sibling Refuses To Fund Brother’s Ivy League Dream, Cites Parents’ Mantra

by Marry Anna
September 24, 2025
in Social Issues

OP was raised with the mantra “nothing is free,” working from 15 and paying off college debt with a scholarship and job bonus.

Her brother, however, was coddled, given a car, and now wants to attend an Ivy League school without a scholarship, expecting OP to help pay.

OP refused, citing their parents’ teachings, angering them. Was OP wrong for standing her ground?

This story explores family favoritism and personal responsibility. Did OP go too far? Let’s dive into the details and see what the online community thinks.

Sibling Refuses To Fund Brother’s Ivy League Dream, Cites Parents’ Mantra

'AITA for reminding my parents that "Nothing is free when you are an adult, life costs money"?'

When I was growing up, that was my parents' mantra. That was when I was an adult, and I was responsible for myself.

I started working when I was 15, and I attended a state college where I received a scholarship.

I graduated with only $7,500 in debt, and my job out of university came with a recruitment bonus that paid that off.

My brother didn't get the same talk. Our parents bought him a car when he was 16. He is smart and was accepted to a prestigious university. But no scholarship.

And my parents earn enough that he does not qualify for financial aid. I make a good living now, and my parents and brother want me to help him out.

The thing is, he has a scholarship to a state school. He could not go to an Ivy. But that's not good enough for them. I reminded them of what...

They are mad that I'm not willing to sacrifice my life to help another adult. I don't think I owe them anything. AITA?

This story highlights family favoritism, possibly due to gender, a “golden child” dynamic, or parents’ improved finances.

Expecting OP to fund her brother’s education, when she received no such help, is unfair and potentially damaging to sibling and parental bonds.

Family psychologist Dr. John Gottman notes, “Favoritism in families can fracture sibling and parent-child relationships” (The Gottman Institute).

OP is justified in maintaining financial boundaries, especially given her self-reliance. The parents should support the brother or let him take loans or attend the state school.

OP could consider a calm discussion to address the perceived unfairness, but she shouldn’t feel pressured to pay. This case underscores the need for fairness and communication in families.

Check out how the community responded:

Reddit unanimously supports OP, criticizing the parents’ favoritism and asserting the brother’s education is not her responsibility. Many suspect gender bias or a “golden child” dynamic. Here’s a roundup of reactions.

Many back OP and condemn favoritism.

anonymousturtle21 − Sounds like either a golden child scenario and/or sexism if you’re a woman. That’s definitely favoritism and not fair to you; definitely NTA.

Edit: Someone in the comments mentioned that this could also indicate the parents having a better financial status now.

That’s definitely true, and I try not to malign people, so maybe that’s part of it.

Still doesn’t justify it entirely, but if that’s part of the case, at least it could not be entirely malicious. Still NTA though.

Edit #2: Clearly misread this and didn’t realize they wanted OP to pay for their sibling. That makes it a solid NTA.

Wonderful-Top-2262 − NTA. Your parents favor boys over girls, hence the special treatment your brother is getting.

Tell him to take out student loans, and tell your parents they are adults and should sacrifice their lives for your brother.

Tell them to take out loans and sell old stuff + their cars to help out your brother. You didn’t get any financial help and survived perfectly.

Your brother will survive, too.

Some emphasize personal responsibility.

Consistent-Annual268 − Your brother can take out student loans or keep applying for scholarships in subsequent years.

It's not your obligation, as you've worked hard to stand on your own 2 feet and are simply applying what your parents taught you. NTA.

MorgainofAvalon − NTA, it's definitely not your responsibility, that lies directly on your parents and brother.

Like you said, he has the opportunity to go to a state school; if he wants to go elsewhere, he needs to find a way to pay for it himself.

[Reddit User] − NTA. His dream to fund. They are completely out of line putting this on you.

Whatever you give him is a gift at your pleasure. And if they keep it up, it will likely k**l any generosity you may have.

A few suggest responses.

Traveling-Techie − So let me get this straight. Your parents didn’t contribute to your college, but now they want you to help pay for your brother’s?

Do they even acknowledge that this is over-the-top favoritism? Maybe you should demand that your brother buy you a bass boat. NTA

22-beekeeper − NTA. So your brother is the golden child. Your mama will tata him and kiss him and do his laundry and feed him and etc.

I know it is super hard to see it now. Like you are going to need a telescope. But what if you look at it as a favour from your...

You know how the world works. You did a good job at uni. You don’t even have any debt from it!

And it propelled you into a good job that paid off that uni debt you did have. You have your own place, a good job, and probably a car, depending...

Your parents aren’t doing your brother any favours. He is currently sulking because he can’t go where he wants.

He isn’t smart enough to go where he can afford and not have a huge debt at the end. He probably is used to not working hard for his marks,...

Your mom can’t go in and demand a better grade. He will probably live at home for a long time because he likes Mama tattling on him.

You are a success. Don’t give them a single thin dime. Tell them you are happy to give him as much help as they gave you. None.

encinoboogaloo − NTA, you're not his parents. You should not be expected to assist him financially in any way.

If your parents want to make the choice to assist him when they did not assist you, then that is on them.

[Reddit User] − NTA. It is not your responsibility to send your brother to school.

Tell your parents that all of the money they saved by not sending you to school should be used for your brother.

I'm really curious as to why your brother gets an easy pass and you didn't.

BigVulvaEnergy − NTA. Your family sounds toxic to expect their child to pay for their other child.

IWantToBuyAVowel − NTA, if they want him to go to the Ivy League, then they pay for it. End of story.

Stand your ground and don't let them bully you. They might disown you, but is that even a 'loss'?

sh1tsawantsays − NTA. You don't owe your brother any money for his college. Your parents have a favorite, and it isn't you.

3rdthrow − NTA. Unless you have enough money to retire right this second and never have to work again for the rest of your life, then you really don’t have...

That money would be better spent going to a paid house or a fully funded retirement.

Your parents are hoping that you are still too young to understand that there is rarely any “extra” money.

Pinkielittlestar − NTA, he is on his own, and your parents are TA for these awful double standards.

MistressLiliana − NTA. Another s**pegoat golden child I see.

This woman’s refusal to fund her brother’s Ivy League dream, wielding her parents’ “nothing is free” mantra, exposed their favoritism and sparked a family clash. Was it a righteous boundary, or a bridge-burning jab?

With Reddit cheering and her finances secure, this saga’s a lesson in standing up to unfair expectations. How would you tackle parental double standards? Share your thoughts below!

Marry Anna

Marry Anna

Hello, lovely readers! I’m Marry Anna, a writer at Dailyhighlight.com. As a woman over 30, I bring my curiosity and a background in Creative Writing to every piece I create. My mission is to spark joy and thought through stories, whether I’m covering quirky food trends, diving into self-care routines, or unpacking the beauty of human connections. From articles on sustainable living to heartfelt takes on modern relationships, I love adding a warm, relatable voice to my work. Outside of writing, I’m probably hunting for vintage treasures, enjoying a glass of red wine, or hiking with my dog under the open sky.

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