Holiday traditions often hold families together, but they can also spark unexpected tension when new people enter the picture. What feels warm and familiar to one person may feel overwhelming or intimidating to someone experiencing it for the first time. These small gaps in expectation can lead to surprisingly big emotional rifts.
In this story, the original poster finds herself trying to preserve a long-held Christmas ritual while also welcoming her son’s girlfriend into the family celebration.
What begins as a simple heads-up about hiking boots quickly turns into a disagreement about fairness, inclusion, and compromise.
Her son insists the tradition must change for his partner’s sake, while she believes altering it for one person could unsettle everyone else. Scroll down to see how this delicate balance unfolds.
A long-standing Christmas hike sparks conflict when a son asks his family to change it for his girlfriend
In this case, a mother is trying to preserve a beloved Christmas morning hike that’s been woven into her family’s history for decades, and her son is pushing to change it not for convenience, but because his girlfriend might struggle to keep up.
The tension isn’t really about a walk; it’s about inclusion, respect, and whether a long-standing ritual should bend for someone new. Underneath the disagreement lies a deeper question: what does belonging mean when tradition meets compassion?
Family rituals from holiday hikes to nightly dinners often play a powerful role in shaping identity and belonging. Research shows that meaningful family rituals promote cohesion, enhance perceived parental support, and contribute significantly to adolescents’ well-being and sense of self.
From a psychological standpoint, what’s happening here isn’t just a difference in stamina or preference: it’s a clash between collective identity and individual empathy.
The mother is trying to act as what sociologists call a “kinkeeper” someone who maintains traditions and continuity across generations. Meanwhile, her son sees the tradition as a barrier rather than a bridge for his girlfriend’s inclusion.
Experts in family psychology argue that rituals only retain their positive impact if all members feel emotionally included and accepted. When a ritual becomes a source of stress or exclusion, it undermines the sense of belonging it’s meant to build.
Given that, the mother’s decision makes sense, but so does the son’s request. Ideally, family traditions should evolve when they stop serving everyone’s sense of safety or inclusion.
In this case, a compromise maybe a shorter, easier walk or giving the girlfriend the option to opt in or out could preserve the ritual’s spirit while honoring her comfort.
At the end of the day, loyalty to tradition should never outweigh empathy for another person’s well-being. Perhaps what this family needs most is honest communication and a willingness to redefine what “togetherness” actually means in their evolving family tree.
Check out how the community responded:
These commenters agree OP shouldn’t drop a long tradition just to suit one newcomer
This group calls Porter the problem for expecting everyone to bend to his wishes
These users think Porter means well but is misguided in trying to shield Emily
This group jokes or notes that the hike sounds exhausting or unappealing
Ultimately, this holiday standoff highlights how even loving families can trip over each other’s intentions. OP guarded the ritual; Porter guarded his girlfriend; Emily wanted not to feel like the odd one out.
But was OP’s line in the sand a fair boundary for a lifelong family custom or did she hold too tightly to “how things have always been”? And if you were in Porter’s place, would you push for accommodation or let tradition lead the day?
Drop your thoughts, hot takes, and alternate solutions below!
I understand the gf not wanting to hike. Not in the morning and not in the afternoon. Some people don’t find walking around outside – fun. Period. All things are not “fun” to all people. So I would have made it clearer that this is perfectly acceptable, instead of pushing for later-in-the-day to do something “not fun” for her. Just leave it. If she doesn’t like the activity, she’s not gonna like it a few hours later.
Your son, on the other hand, when you serve it up as perfectly reasonable that gf doesn’t want to join them, should take other options offered. Both of them should enjoy a lazy morning at home.