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Stepson Volunteers To Be Guardian, Dad’s Laugh Sparks Family Drama

by Katy Nguyen
September 22, 2025
in Social Issues

While updating their wills, OP and his wife discussed guardianship for their young daughter in case they both pass.

When OP’s 18-year-old stepson, Michael, volunteered to take on the role, OP laughed, calling him too young and inexperienced. His wife, hurt by the dismissive reaction, felt OP disrespected both her and her son, though she agrees on choosing another guardian.

This story balances practical decisions with family emotions. Was OP wrong for laughing off the idea? Let’s dive into the details and see what the online community thinks.

Stepson Volunteers To Be Guardian, Dad’s Laugh Sparks Family Drama

'AITA for laughing at the idea of my stepson becoming my daughter’s guardian if my wife and I unexpectedly passed?'

I have been married to my wife, Denise, for 5 years now. She has a son, Michael, who is 18. We get along pretty well. He's a good kid with...

This past year, my wife and I welcomed our first biological child together, Sarah.

We're going through the process of updating our wills, which means choosing guardians in the event that both of us die.

When Michael was younger, Denise had her parents listed, but they're now older and in no condition to take care of a baby.

We asked my sister and her husband, and they agreed. We were explaining some things to Michael that came along with the will (insurance goes to him if we both...

We also explained that there was an account set up for him to get his own apartment once he finished college (he's currently a freshman), should we both pass by...

Michael then asked what would happen to Sarah. We told him our guardian choices. Michael straightened up and said that no, he would take on Sarah.

I said that was very sweet, but he was still very young. Maybe we'd consider updating it in 10 or so years when he's older and more established. My wife...

In private, I asked if she was seriously considering it. She pointed out that Michael spends a lot of time with her, is a good kid, etc, and is volunteering.

I said I wouldn't feel comfortable putting the fate of our daughter in the hands of a young adult.

I said if Denise was changing her mind on my sister and brother-in-law, that was completely fine, but to me, Michael is not an option, and it should be a...

She asked if it would really be so mad for Michael to become a guardian, and I laughed.

While yes, Michael is volunteering, he has no real clue what would come with being a parent.

As I said, in 10 years, when he's more established and an adult, I'd consider it. For now, it needs to be someone else.

Denise isn't upset that I don't want Michael to be the guardian, but she is upset over how dismissive I'm being and that I laughed at her.

She says that I'm being hurtful and offensive to both her and her son. AITA?.

Edit: I am not changing my mind on making him a guardian. Please stick to the judgment I asked about.

This story highlights the tension between rational decision-making and emotional sensitivity in blended families. OP’s stance against an 18-year-old as guardian is practical, as young adults rarely have the resources to raise a child, especially in grief.

Family psychologist Dr. John Gottman notes, “Respectful communication is key to resolving family conflicts, especially on sensitive topics like wills” (The Gottman Institute).

However, OP’s laughter was tactless, likely making Denise feel her parenting was undervalued. A better approach would have been acknowledging Michael’s generosity, explaining the need for a more experienced guardian, and ensuring his role in Sarah’s life.

OP should apologize to Denise and Michael for his reaction and discuss ways to keep the family connected if the will is enacted. Denise should recognize the decision protects both Sarah and Michael, not diminishes his worth. This case underscores the need for sensitive communication in blended families.

Here are the comments of Reddit users:

Reddit is split, with some supporting OP’s practical stance and others criticizing his dismissive attitude. Here’s a roundup of reactions.

Many called OP out for his tactless response.

Swirlyflurry − She is upset over how dismissive I’m being and that I laughed at her. She summed it up perfectly. YTA.

[Reddit User] − In 10 years, when he's more established and an adult, I'd consider it.

For now, it needs to be someone else. Correct. YTA, though, because: how dismissive I'm being and that I laughed at her.

EternalCharax − YTA. You're not only being condescending and dismissive, you've also just told your wife, "I don't think you've raised someone capable of looking after his sister, and I'd...

Not thrusting the responsibility for a child upon him is one thing, but if he's responsible enough to ask, you should at least do him the courtesy of discussing it.

Your sister and her husband could always take over or help out if it does become too much for him.

FortuneTellingBoobs − Yes, YTA for your approach. 18yos adopt their younger siblings all the time.

Just because Michael isn't ready today doesn't make him a joke. That's his sister, and he doesn't want to be separated from her if something happens to you.

That's noble and thoughtful, and dare I say it - mature. You should have handled his inquiry with much more empathy and kindness.

A few emphasized balancing family emotions.

Formerretailmom − YTA for laughing. She was being serious; she had valid reasons. I’m not saying you should change your mind, but you shouldn’t be so dismissive.

Also, since it’s your side of the family taking Sarah, are you willing to put visit provisions in the will so Michael won’t lose touch?

You may not think it’s likely, but Michael could be worried about something like that.

Fl0wermama − Reddit is crazy, man. Some threads scream someone in their early 20s is a kid in need of support, and some scream that making an older teen babysit...

I say NTA. It’s very, very sweet, he offered. Just bc your sister is the guardian doesn’t mean he’s out of her life.

Maybe explain that to him and say I hope you continue to be there for her. Also, it’s so rare that these wills will even happen. It’s the most hypothetical.

Also, I don’t think YTA for laughing bc YEAH it’s HARD to parent a kid! !! Even when you're 30!!! Like wtf!

Also, think of both kids' welfare- they’d both suffer if it were the case.

Job_Moist − Gonna be the lone voice saying NAH here, I guess. I would feel the same as you.

I’d laugh if someone suggested my 18-year-old stepson suddenly become a parent full-time to a grieving child.

That’s not fair to either your stepson or your child, and it’s not realistic for your stepson to think it’s a good idea either.

Outrageously_Penguin − YTA. You’re not completely wrong to be concerned with the idea and even veto it, but laughing and being dismissive was completely uncalled for.

He sounds like a wonderful person, and you should be very grateful that your child has an older brother who is responsible and loving to volunteer for that responsibility, even...

So stop being an a**hole to your wife about it.

Some backed OP’s logic but noted his poor delivery.

hothatchback − NTA. I hope the situation is purely a hypothetical one, but I imagine the reality is that his being her guardian at 18 would seriously affect his life...

Maybe you came across as dismissive for laughing; if so, hold your hands up to that.

But your wife must realise the sacrifices involved in raising a child - money, home, schools, transport - that her son would need to make are a lot to impose...

ilikerocksthatsing2 − NTA, he's 18!? Are the people in the comments on crack or something?

The wife wasn't being objective. Obviously, an established couple is a better bet than an 18-year-old kid.

Kapryiath − YTA, either you're reasonably old parents of a newborn, or your wife was a reasonably young mom.

By implying her son would be incapable of being a good Guardian, I imagine your wife is feeling like you're invalidating her experience of motherhood and implying she was a...

Away_Refuse8493 − NTA. It IS sweet, but taking on the responsibility of a toddler while he is a college student is not what is best for either of them! Why...

(I know someone who gained custody of her then 11-yo sister at 21, dropped out of college to raise her, and this girl JUST finished high school - and she...

It's a heavy thing to have to think about (and some people go to very dark places just considering their own deaths), so maybe cut Denise some slack for getting...

GhostParty21 − NTA. You and your wife had already made a decision.

It was completely inappropriate and dismissive for her to unilaterally decide “we’d think about it” when you never agreed to that and had already stated your feelings.

People are saying you were dismissive, ignoring that SHE had already been dismissive of you and continued to push after you had already stated your very correct and reasonable feelings.

MTMonster13 − Am I going insane? Kudos to Michael for wanting to step up, but an 18 yo is not adequately prepared to care for a child.

It happens and ppl make do... but it's not ideal and not what anyone would choose if they had better options.

18 may be mostly an adult in the eyes of the law, but that doesn't mean they are in any way prepared to deal with the pressure of raising a...

HotHand3 − NTA. Michael sounds like a good kid, but also naive. He’s an 18-year-old kid who’s never lived on his own yet.

That’s not a knock on Michael; he sounds like a good kid, but be realistic. How can he provide for a child, especially as a single parent?

He doesn’t have any marketable skills, because he’s a kid who barely started adulthood.

He doesn’t have the wisdom or life experience to be a parent right now. He could in the future, not now.

It’s a nice thought, but OP is right. Give Michael a fair inheritance, and revisit the issue in 5-10 years or so.

What’s a better situation for a child? A stable, two-parent adult family, or a kid in high school?

OP could have had more tact, and Denise is going to be sensitive because it’s her son, but OP is right.

He’s NTA for wanting an adult couple to raise his child, should something happen, over a high school kid.

OP’s reluctance to name his 18-year-old stepson as his daughter’s guardian makes sense, but laughing off the idea hurt his wife and possibly his stepson. Reddit’s divided, but most agree OP needed more tact.

How can OP mend this and keep the family united? Have you faced similar conflicts in will planning? Share your thoughts!

Katy Nguyen

Katy Nguyen

Hey there! I’m Katy Nguyễn, a writer at Dailyhighlight.com. I’m a woman in my 30s with a passion for storytelling and a degree in Journalism. My goal is to craft engaging, heartfelt articles that resonate with our readers, whether I’m diving into the latest lifestyle trends, exploring travel adventures, or sharing tips on personal growth. I’ve written about everything from cozy coffee shop vibes to navigating career changes with confidence. When I’m not typing away, you’ll likely find me sipping a matcha latte, strolling through local markets, or curled up with a good book under fairy lights. I love sunrises, yoga, and chasing moments of inspiration.

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