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Student Refused To Share Her College Fund With Her Stepmom After Her Dad Left — Now She’s Being Called Selfish

by Annie Nguyen
July 22, 2025
in Social Issues

Money has a funny way of exposing people’s true colors—especially when it’s earmarked for something important, like education. In this emotional rollercoaster of a Reddit story, a young college student finds herself facing an impossible choice: protect the inheritance her late grandfather left specifically for her college education, or hand it over to help her pregnant stepmom after her father relapsed and abandoned the family.

Sounds dramatic? It absolutely is. But behind the drama is a deeper question: When your family’s falling apart, how far are you expected to go to fix it—especially when their decisions aren’t yours to answer for?

Student Refused To Share Her College Fund With Her Stepmom After Her Dad Left — Now She’s Being Called Selfish

One woman’s refusal to share her college fund with her struggling stepmom after her dad’s reckless exit sparked a heated family debate

'Aita For Not Sharing My College Money With My Stepmom After My Dad Left Her?'

Before my granddad died he set up some money and a small house for me in a trust. I can’t touch the money that was left for maintenance on the house and to pay for taxes. The rest of the money Ive had access to since I was 18.

This amount is supposed to be for college tuition because my granddad didn’t want me to take out any loans while I was going to school. It’s just a little more than what tuition would cost while going to a state school for four years. I’m just in my second year now.

Other than that money my granddad just gave his money to charity and blew what he had left on vacations. He had been sick for awhile, so he knew he was going to die soon and just wanted to have some last minute fun.

He even took me a couple times and I’m super grateful I got to have those trips with him before he died. My dad who is my granddads son and a total f**k up had another daughter after me.

I’ve recently seen her a couple times these past few months because our dad, who was finally sober, was actively trying to get us to all have a closer relationship. Well the whole being sober thing only lasted a year and now he’s left her and her mom to go on a bender.

I guess my stepmom had really believed him about picking his life back together because they had moved into a place together and she’s expecting another kid.

Now she’s having a hard time affording the place they got together and figuring out how to pay off all the debt my dad left behind and how to afford childcare after she has the baby. The plan was for him to work while she took care of the kids and just worked part time from home.

She kind of knows my grandpa left me some money and has asked if I could help her out. But If I do I’m definitely going to have to take out loans to finish college and I know that’s something my grandpa absolutely wanted me to avoid. He f**king hated loans and banks just in general.

Talk about a family saga that’s messier than a freshman dorm! This Redditor’s decision to protect her granddad’s college fund from her stepmom’s desperate plea has emotions running high. Her dad’s latest bender left stepmom drowning in debt, but is the Redditor wrong to guard her tuition, or is stepmom’s ask a step too far?

Inheritance comes with emotional strings. Dr. Pauline Boss, a family therapist, noted in a 2023 Psychology Today article, “Designated funds, like for education, carry a donor’s intent, and deviating can feel like betrayal”. The Redditor’s granddad set up the trust to keep her loan-free, a clear wish she’s honoring. Stepmom’s financial bind, worsened by dad’s unreliability, isn’t the Redditor’s burden, despite the sob story.

Family financial conflicts are common. A 2022 study in the Journal of Family and Economic Issues found that 25% of young adults face pressure to support family at the cost of personal goals. Stepmom’s reliance on a flaky partner and lack of a backup plan led to her crisis, not the Redditor’s choices. Giving up the fund would force loans, defying her granddad’s legacy.

Could this have been less tense? A gentle explanation of the trust’s purpose might’ve softened the refusal, though stepmom’s desperation suggests pushback either way. Neutral advice? The Redditor should stick to her education plan, offer non-financial support like budgeting tips, and keep distance from dad’s chaos. If stepmom persists, a firm boundary is key. What’s your take—selfish choice or loyal stand?

Reddit’s scholars rallied behind the Redditor, defending her fund like a sacred syllabus

Many Redditors were quick to defend OP’s decision, pointing out that her grandfather explicitly left the money for her education

AnarchoNAP − NTA Your grandfather left you that money to go to college. Not for your dad’s ex to have living expenses.

T-ks − NTA - that money was specifically left for you so that you wouldn’t have to take out loans. You would certainly not be the a**hole to abide by his wishes to use that money for school. The fact that it was put in a trust for you was likely to try to avoid this exact type of situation. Though your stepmom is in an unfortunate position, this responsibility does not fall on you to fix it, especially to your own detriment.

A large group of users argued that OP isn’t responsible for cleaning up the mess her father and stepmom created

 

TexFiend − NTA They need to start making better financial decisions. Getting free money from you won't fix that problem. If she can't afford the property she's in right now, then she needs to downsize to something she can.

If your inheritance was significant, to the point where you'd never have to work again a day in your life, then i would tell you to be very careful about what you gave them and how you gave it. But in your case, you only have enough to cover your education.

So you're unable to support them without hurting yourself. Don't hurt yourself and your future to prop up an adult who is more than capable of figuring out a solution to her own problems. Tell her that you're unable to help. That you were only left just enough money to cover your schooling.

Then she can start planning and making her own decisions with all of the information that she needs. If you feel like helping her in other ways, you could let her know that: - She needs to start looking out for herself, because your father isn't capable of looking out for her.

- That you could help her find a free budgeting service in your area - That she shouldn't pay any of his debts unless it's for something that SHE needs, or that is definitely also her debt. If she can't afford her house, then she can't afford to pay them.

She may like to advise him to apply for bankruptcy (if he ever returns) - That if she can't afford her children, she may want to look into other options. Government support, adoption etc (or a**rtion, depending on how far along she is with her current pregnancy). If she keeps them, she will be making the choice to be a single mother. She has a lot of decisions to make, and exactly none of them are your responsibility.

I don't recommend getting involved at all (this likely won't be the only woman your father tries to s**ew up the life of, so it could be a never-ending s**t show if you do). If you offer help at all, it should only be your time. And, frankly, your time is better spent studying right now. Because you can't rely on your father either. You need to make sure that your future is a good one. Not get dragged down by the mistakes of your father.

 

CheyBridgeMan - Adults make choices and sometimes they aren’t good ones and they have to “save themselves”. Your SM made a bad choice. You didn’t. Don’t go into debt helping others. It’s kind of like when you fly and during the safety brief are reminded that in the event of an emergency, secure your oxygen mask before helping others.

You have to help yourself first. Who is going to bail you out if you have trouble later? Your SM who married a drunk, had a kid with him, and didn’t have a plan for caring for herself or children? Probably not. NTA

Several users raised the alarm about opening the door to endless requests

-concernicus- − NTA please dear lord do not give her a penny. That's for your education and every single person who has an education loan will tell you NOT to get one if you can avoid it.

chabuddy108 − DEFINITELY DON'T DO IT! You are not responsible for your dad being a F up. This woman is looking for an easy way out. Use the money the way it was intended. NTA.

Others took a softer but still firm approach

___shan − You're NTA here. Your stepmom made some bad life decisions here as well as your dad and it's not your responsibility to help them out of situations that they created. I understand it's tough for your stepmom but she'll need to work out her legal options on her own.

BaffledMum − NTA Nope, nope, and nope. You cannot help her out. I'm sorry your stepmom made bad choices, but you can't be held responsible for them.

TanzaniteAureus − NAH. I mean... It's a s**tty situation your stepmom is in, but family or not, it isn't your issue. It may be harsh to hear/read, but that's the truth of it. Do what you feel is right. Help or don't. No wrong answers.

[Reddit User] − NTA 'Sorry Stepmom. Every penny of the money that granddad left for me is already budgeted out and spent in advance for the last 2 years of my education. I was left just enough to attend a 4 year college and I still have 2 years left. Giving you money would mean me being unable to finish school and that is obviously not an option for me'.

This story is a real-life lesson in boundaries. While it’s heartbreaking to watch someone else struggle—especially when children are involved—it’s even more devastating to sacrifice your future and end up with nothing to show for it.

Reddit was crystal clear: You’re not selfish for protecting what your grandfather left you. You’re responsible. That college money isn’t just financial aid—it’s a ticket to a better life, unchained from the same cycles that left your dad and his partners in chaos.

So what do you think? Should she give a little to help? Or keep the fund intact and stick to the plan? Let us know where you stand.

Annie Nguyen

Annie Nguyen

Hi, I'm Annie Nguyen. I'm a freelance writer and editor for Daily Highlight with experience across lifestyle, wellness, and personal growth publications. Living in San Francisco gives me endless inspiration, from cozy coffee shop corners to weekend hikes along the coast. Thanks for reading!

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