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Tech Manager Tells MIL “I Make Too Much To Scrub Floors” After Being Told to Quit Her Career

by Sunny Nguyen
November 13, 2025
in Social Issues

Picture this: you’re a successful cyber security manager pulling in over $200,000 a year. You and your high-earning husband have built a life of equal partnership and efficiency. Yet, at a family dinner, you’re told your greatest contribution should be scrubbing floors, not leading a team. It’s a scene straight out of a time capsule, but for one Redditor, it was just another Tuesday.

A 31-year-old mom found herself drowning in guilt-trips from her traditional in-laws. They believe a woman’s place is in the home, regardless of her skills or salary. The tension simmered for years until a simple dinner, cooked by her husband, brought everything to a boiling point. Get ready to dive into the story of how she used her impressive bank account to silence outdated expectations once and for all.

The saga unfolded in a post that laid bare the conflict between modern ambitions and old-world traditions.

Tech Manager Tells MIL “I Make Too Much To Scrub Floors” After Being Told to Quit Her Career

AITA for telling my MIL I make too much to be a SAHM?

I (31F) am a manager for cyber security engineering for a big tech company.

My husband is an internal medicine specialist.

I make over $200k a year and he recently started making his full salary, around $400k.

We had our first child around 2 years ago and I'm pregnant with our second.

My family is pretty open minded about it but my husband’s family are old fashioned.

Since we are Japanese there is a consensus from them that women who are married with children shouldn't be working.

My husband is very lucky he has less loans than other doctors.

Just over $130k but that’s because his family paid a lot of it off already.

So I've been getting “hints” from them that I should be a SAHM and leave the money making to my husband.

I don’t want to leave my job and my company is relatively understanding.

I got 6 months off (3 months with full pay and 3 months without) for my first child and was able to keep my current position.

The male members of my team are also able to take paternity leave.

So I don’t see why I have to leave my job.

I also paid most of the bills while my husband wasn't making much as a resident.

My aunt was a SAHM and to make more income in her retirement she babysits my son.

She is also going to be looking after my youngest child when my maternity leave ends.

I have been also guilted by other moms (especially my husband's coworker's wives) since most of them who are not also doctors become SAHMs.

But I don't see why I need to.

My husband and I outsource all our cleaning, grocery delivery, lawn maintenance etc so all we do is cook.

So almost all our time at home is spending time together as a family.

Apart from the rare occasion we both work 9-10 h a day with me working a bit less as I don’t have a commute.

Even then we still save a lot more than if I were a SAHM.

But my MIL has commented how it’s not right I outsource these things because a mother shows her love by cleaning after her kids and husband.

My MIL recently came over and while eating dinner she said the food was great and complemented me and I said my husband made the food (he finished work early...

She was shocked and said it wasn’t right that my husband has to do any work after his long shift.

I got annoyed and said that I was working longer then him today and she said well then you should quit so you don’t need to.

I got mad and told her I save over $12k a month after paying to outsource I didn’t have an interest in doing anyway.

With that money we can send our children to top schools and have undergrad and probably grad school paid for.

So it’s ridiculous to expect me to quit just because she has old fashioned ideas that women need to be on their knees scrubbing away.

My MIL was offended but my husband told her it’s already be settled and I’m going to still be working.

But everyone always telling me I’m a bad mom if I don’t quit my job has me worn down.

Reading this post felt like taking a deep breath only to get a lungful of second-hand frustration. The exhaustion in the woman’s words is palpable. She has built an incredible life based on partnership and logic, yet she’s being judged by a rulebook from another era. You can feel her sanity fraying with every unsolicited “hint.”

This story taps into the universal struggle of defining motherhood on your own terms. It’s a battle between internal fulfillment and external validation, especially when family is the source of the pressure. Her dilemma shows that success doesn’t make you immune to criticism, and sometimes the biggest fights happen right at the dinner table.

This family clash is rooted in a deep generational and cultural divide. The mother-in-law operates from a framework where a woman’s value is tied to domestic sacrifice. The Redditor, however, defines her value through professional achievement, financial contribution, and intentional family time. Neither is inherently wrong, but they are fundamentally incompatible without firm boundaries.

This reflects a broader societal shift. According to the Pew Research Center, the share of marriages where wives are the primary breadwinners has tripled over the past 50 years. This rise of dual-income power couples requires rewriting old family scripts.

Licensed therapist and author Dr. Susan Forward explained that managing controlling in-laws often requires couples to become a “team.” They must present a united front, just as the husband did in this story. In her work, she emphasizes that the primary loyalty must be to the new family unit. The Redditor’s husband stepping in to say the issue was “settled” is a textbook example of this protective boundary.

The real solution isn’t about winning the argument. It’s about ending the debate. By firmly and repeatedly shutting down the conversation, the couple can teach their family that their lifestyle is not up for discussion. The original poster’s experience is a masterclass in modern motherhood: she shows her love not by scrubbing floors, but by building a future where her children have every opportunity her career can afford them.

The internet rushed to the Redditor’s defense, telling her to ignore the noise and enjoy her success.

Check out how the community responded:

Netizens championed her career and called out the blatant double standard. 

Chemical-Froyo-6286 - NTA. Girl go get that money. Some women like working let them work.

I am not even one of those people, but it is so annoying knowing these people don’t support you.

I have a few friends who could have never worked a day in their lives before and after getting married and having kids, but they love their jobs.

Maybe consider both sides. In a few years will you regret not staying home with your kids who are now older or will you regret having quit your job giving...

Do what you wanna do!

Helpful_Hour1984 - NTA. It's not only about the money.

You spent the entirety of your adult life studying and building a career and they just expect you to give it all up for what?

To do something you don't enjoy and that you can outsource for a fraction of the income you get from doing the stuff that you do like. Ridiculous.

It's negating the value of your professional contribution to society.

I'm glad your husband shut that down, it means he sees you as a partner, not a bangmaid.

Next step is to double down on your boundaries and shut it down every time someone tries to open the topic again.

GigMistress - NTA, but honestly, just what you've written here is more conversation than you should have had with someone else about this.

"That's the choice we made" is sufficient. Change of subject.

Squinky75 - NTA. What is this, 1955?

kaett - NTA. you sound like you've got a good balance already between work and home.

Her traditions don't need to be foisted onto you. If your nuclear family is happy, that's all that matters.

Others offered practical advice for shutting down the meddling. 

LoveBeach8 - NTA The only ones who should be commenting on your personal business is you and your husband.

You don't owe anyone else any explanation or apologies for how you live your lives.

You don't owe them any accounting of your finances, either. It's none of their business, regardless of being related to you.

From now on, don't get mad. Simply shut them down.

Try saying "We have everything under control and we're happy. Thank you." Keep it on repeat if they keep trying to force their opinions.

They'll get tired of hearing you saying the same thing over and over.

corgihuntress - Is he a bad dad for not being a stay at home dad? Uh, no, because it's not socially expected of him even though he could easily stay...

All he'd have to do is give up his job, his identity, his passion, and his sense of independence. Okay, maybe he'd have some of that, but clearly it's a...

To be a good mom you need to be a happy, fulfilled person. It sounds like you are.

You love your job, you love your family, you love your life, and most importantly, your family is pulling together to be happy and live fulfilling lives.

You are setting excellent examples for your children about finding work that makes you happy and fulfilled and allows you to live the life you want to live.

Your MIL can suck eggs. If staying at home with your children made you feel happy and fulfilled and it was within your means, that would be delightful.

That's not what you want. That's not what makes you happy and fulfilled.

So don't do it and don't feel guilty for wanting what you've worked so hard to achieve.

Keep having your husband shut that nonsense down, and whoever wants to tell you your bad mom, tell them as politely as possible, they should fuck off and mind their...

The gendered expectations infuriated many. One user bluntly said, “Hate these gender stereotypes it’s 2024 not 1924.” The support was overwhelming, with users cheering her on to “go get that money.”

dazed1984 - NTA. Why isn't he a bad dad for not quitting his job to be a stay at home?

Hate these gender stereotypes it’s 2024 not 1924.

tatersprout - NTA Do not allow other people into your marriage. Who works and who takes care of the children is a private matter.

What matters is that you and your husband agree on how you handle your marriage, children, jobs, and finances.

Nobody else gets a vote.

You need to involve your husband in shutting his mother down and ending the conversation every single time.

He needs to tell her that her input and opinions are not welcome. She is being highly inappropriate.

I know parents seem to think they have that right, but they don't. You aren't children anymore.

RogerPenroseSmiles - NTA, I'm in the reverse situation. My wife is a doc making a little more as a anesthesiologist, and I'm the tech consultant and I make in the...

Neither of us wants to stay home, and she told anyone who asked if she wanted to stay home that she worked too fucking hard getting a medical degree to...

We just had our first and she's on maternity leave now, then I'll take mine and then we'll make it work.

Having our salaries will make life a lot easier down the road.

We want to retire by 50 and we're already mid 30s so it's save save save so we can spend our kids HS and college actually enjoying ourselves and our...

Maybe I'll do some freelancing, and she can pick up shifts as she wants or needs.

In the end, this working mom has a supportive husband, a thriving career, and a happy home life that she built on her own terms. The real issue isn’t her choice to work, but her in-laws’ refusal to accept it. While her financial clap-back may have been blunt, it was a necessary defense after years of subtle and not-so-subtle judgment.

Was her ultimatum fair, or did she go too far by bringing money into it? How would you handle this family mess?

Sunny Nguyen

Sunny Nguyen

Sunny Nguyen writes for DailyHighlight.com, focusing on social issues and the stories that matter most to everyday people. She’s passionate about uncovering voices and experiences that often go unheard, blending empathy with insight in every article. Outside of work, Sunny can be found wandering galleries, sipping coffee while people-watching, or snapping photos of everyday life - always chasing moments that reveal the world in a new light.

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