Teaching kids about money and the value of saving can be tricky, especially when their wants clash with the lessons we try to instill.
One parent faced this challenge when their youngest daughter, Emma, became upset over her older sister Abby’s new, expensive lamp, one Abby had saved up for.
When Emma asked for the same lamp, her parent refused, explaining that she would need to save up for it, just like her sister.
This caused tension, with the partner upset about how the situation was handled.
The scenario presents two valid but competing priorities, the father’s desire to teach his younger daughter about saving money, and the mother’s concern that the daughter feels unfairly treated or discouraged.
On one hand, the father is attempting to convey that the elder daughter’s “nicer” items resulted from deliberate saving rather than impulse buying.
On the other, his younger daughter is experiencing feelings of frustration and comparison, which can undermine her self‑esteem and sense of fairness in the family.
Financial education experts emphasise that early lessons about money, saving, spending, and budgeting, lay a foundation for later life.
For example, the blog from Middlesex Savings Bank explains that children form money attitudes as early as age seven, and using an allowance can teach distinction between needs and wants.
Another article from Lifetime Financial Advice (New Zealand) advises that parents introduce the concept of earning money (even small tasks) and then setting savings goals for bigger items, reinforcing delayed gratification.
These sources suggest the father’s goal of encouraging saving is supported by research.
However, parental professionals note that how the message is communicated matters a great deal. When children feel they’re being compared unfavorably to a sibling, or that one child’s success is being held up as a standard the other “failed” to meet, it can lead to resentment and emotional distance.
A family‑finance article by The Children’s Trust highlights the importance of balancing instructional talk about money with empathy, saying that while kids benefit from hands‑on experience with money, the conversation should avoid making them feel lesser or left behind.
The father could preserve his intention to teach savings, but adjust how he frames the discussion.
For example, he might say: “You have a chance to set a goal for that lamp, and if you’re okay with waiting and saving we’ll work out how you can achieve it.”
Then he could help her, maybe track her savings, estimate how many weeks it will take, and celebrate the milestones.
At the same time, the mother and father should align on messaging: both acknowledge the younger daughter’s disappointment, emphasise the value of saving rather than focusing on what she lacks, and assure her that her worth isn’t tied to how much she has.
The “three‑jar” system (save, spend, give) could be introduced together, reinforcing effort and patience rather than deficiency.
Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:
These commenters praised the decision to let Emma experience the consequences of her spending choices, emphasizing that learning how to manage money and save for desired items is a vital skill.
These users shared personal experiences of being raised with similar lessons about money, emphasizing that it benefits children in the long run.
These Redditors agreed that Emma’s allowance should be used to teach her the consequences of impulsive spending, pointing out that buying the lamp for her would be unfair to Abby, who had saved.
These commenters suggested that helping Emma develop a plan for saving could reinforce the lesson.
These Redditors agreed that teaching money management is an important life lesson that Emma is at an age to learn.
The OP clearly wants to teach Emma the value of money and saving, but it’s understandable that Emma may feel frustrated when she sees her sister enjoying nicer things.
Was the OP’s direct approach the right way to handle it, or did they push Emma too hard in the process? How would you handle a similar situation with your kids? Share your thoughts below!
