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Teen Demands Mom Get Out Of Bed And Stop Mourning After Family Tragedy

by Layla Bui
December 14, 2025
in Social Issues

Grief has a way of reshaping families in unexpected ways. When a parent withdraws after losing a loved one, children can suddenly find themselves taking on responsibilities far beyond their years.

In this story, a 14-year-old and their older sibling have been caring for their mother almost entirely, while also managing school and helping support the household. Their frustration reached a peak during a conversation with their sister about their mother’s continued isolation.

The teen took to Reddit to ask if their expectations were unfair and to see if others understood the difficult position they’re in. Keep reading to find out how the internet responded.

Two teenage sisters struggle to care for their grieving mother, while questioning her love

Teen Demands Mom Get Out Of Bed And Stop Mourning After Family Tragedy
not the actual photo

AITA for wanting my mother to take care of me and siblings even though our sibling died a year ago?

I have two other siblings. One younger brother, one older sister. My sister and I are teenagers, 14 and 16.

My brother is 8. Our parents are divorced and were in custody of our mom.

We go to dad’s on weekends and he’s nice.

I had a brother passed away in the hospital december 16th 2018, and he was an adult.

That’s all the information I’m comfortable giving about him.

Ever since then, my mom has been in her bed, upset, only coming out to the bathroom

and having her food brought to her. My sister and I go to bring her, her food and turn out her lights.

She doesn’t talk much and but when she does it’s quietly and to tell us to do something.

Only when we’re in her room though. Routinely, we give her breakfast and dinner.

My sister doesn’t leave her lunch, only a sandwich on her desk side to encourage her to get out of bed

and make herself a decent lunch.

My sister works to help us, and our dad has stepped in with more money for the bills.

We take the bus to our school, we all go to the same one.

Recently I had an argument with my sister while at my dad’s on a Sunday.

I told her that our mother needs to change, and asked if she even loved us.

She told me that our mother lost a son, I said that she had others and we lost a brother.

EDIT: I understand that a child’s death is painful. That’s why I’m asking.

EDIT 2: Nobody really brought up therapy for her, I’ll try and suggest it

but I’m not sure how it’ll get paid by our dad and sister alone.

EDIT 3: “I had a brother”. My 8 year old isn’t the one who died.

When love turns into pain, those left behind often carry heavy, invisible burdens. Nearly everyone who has lost someone understands how the world can feel like it should stop and yet life keeps moving forward.

In this family’s story, what may look like defiance or apathy on the surface is actually a profound struggle with loss, responsibility, and the deep human need for connection.

In this situation, the teenager wasn’t just upset about chores or rules. They were reacting to a deeper emotional reality: their mother’s prolonged withdrawal after losing an adult child and sibling.

While the siblings are trying to maintain routines, bringing meals, managing school, and supporting one another, their mother has remained in bed for over a year, speaking only minimally. What might appear to some as “laziness” is often a hallmark of unresolved grief when pain has overtaken one’s ability to engage with life.

The older child’s frustration and question about love weren’t just about affection; they reflected fear, abandonment, and the desire for emotional safety that seemed to be missing in their home environment.

From a psychological perspective, grief doesn’t follow a neat timeline, and its expression can vary dramatically across individuals. When someone loses a loved one, especially a child, even the expected process of adjustment can stall.

The Mayo Clinic describes “complicated grief” as grief that persists intensely for more than 12 months and disrupts daily functioning rather than easing with time.

Verywell Mind highlights that grief can be “delayed” and resurface later as emotional pain, numbness, or withdrawal, particularly when coping mechanisms are overwhelmed.

These patterns help explain why the mother might still be emotionally “stuck,” not because she doesn’t care, but because her grief has become deeply entangled with her sense of purpose and daily life.

An expert on grief and bereavement would remind us that grief isn’t one-size-fits-all.

According to the Cleveland Clinic, complicated or prolonged grief often interferes with everyday life, thinking, and relationships well beyond what’s typically expected, and treatment, especially therapy, can support the bereaved person in starting to re-engage with their world.

In this case, the mother’s withdrawal may stem from an emotion so heavy that it clouds her ability to function, not from a lack of love for her living children.

Understanding that doesn’t mean the children’s frustrations aren’t real or valid. It means that the family is grieving together, but in very different ways.

Encouraging professional support for the mother, whether through counseling, grief support groups, or even family therapy, could open a path toward healing.

It might not quickly “fix” the situation, but it invites a space where sorrow and love can coexist without one overshadowing the other. Life after loss is possible, but sometimes people need help finding their footing again.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

These commenters agreed that OP’s mother’s neglect is unacceptable, and their siblings deserve proper care

CloutlessLurker − NTA Your mother needs to get professional help,

but she still has a duty as a mother to take care of her children. Has she had therapy suggested at all?

Seeker131313 − NTA, but since your father sounds aware of this situation and has left you all in her care,

he is TA and an even crappier parent.

Your 16yo sister is shouldering way too much of an adult burden for her age and is being robbed of her childhood.

Please talk to your father about moving in with him and getting your mother some inpatient

or other intensive help. If he can't or is unwilling, go to your school guidance counselor and ask for help.

I am so sorry that you lost not only your brother, but your mother, too.

flagg6805 − NTA. Your mom needs help. Se also needs to start taking care of her children.

CuriousStellar − NTA. First of all, sorry for your loss. Let me make one thing crystal clear:

Your mother is supposed to take care of you, not the other way around. That doesn't change just because of loss.

As you said, you also lost your brother. It's your mother's g__damn job to take care of you.

henchwench89 − NTA could you stay at your dads full-time while your mum tries to get the help she needs

Because, as it is she’s not looking after the three of you and that needs to change

[Reddit User] − NTA, but your mom won’t do anything for herself as long as you take care of her.

Could you go live with your dad for a while? Maybe that will help her to realize she still has a family

and want to be a part of it.

drwhogirl_97 − NTA, in fact honestly if you were a child in my school

and I heard this was going on I would have to get the authorities involved.

Is what she's going through understandable? Yes. Is it legal?

No. In fact it is technically n__lect so my advice would be talk to her about it.

Explain that she needs to get help but if things don't improve then you might have to see

if you can live with your dad

G8RTOAD − NTA I’m sorry for your loss of your sibling.

As a parent who has lost a child I can understand the grief along with just wanting to close yourself off from the world,

while it continues to move on. As horrible as it sounds your mother needs some serious help

and most possibly an inpatient stay in hospital.

While she stays in her room she’s being neglectful to you and your siblings and she needs that help now.

If your father and sister can’t help or won’t be able to help her

then maybe call in the local mental health team for an emergency visit and let them take it from there,

also be aware that CPS may get involved and I’d suggest speaking with your dad to see

if your able to stay with him while she gets the help that’s needed.

These Reddit users acknowledged that OP’s mother is struggling with grief or depression and isn’t fully responsible for her inaction, but professional help is needed

cutsjuju − NAH Your mother obviously can't help being like that.

She needs to be treated, maybe for depression, by a professional.

Of course you, her children, deserve to be cared for, and not grow up before your time,

but s__t happens, unfortunately. I'm sorry for the loss of your brother.

Try talking to other adult relatives, like your father, and convince them to get her psychiatric help ASAP.

Tell your school discreetly. Maybe they can refer you to the appropriate authorities.

JaniyaGreen − NAH - You're not wrong for wanting your mother to step up.

You lost a brother and now you feel set adrift because it's like you lost your mother too.

What you're describing with your mother though isn't just laziness or sadness, she's in a full on depressive state.

She's not choosing to lay in bed all day and do nothing,

her mental state is just at the point where she can't do anything but lay in bed all day.

Your mother needs help, probably professional help.

It's good that you have your Dad stepping up a bit, try and talk to him about getting help for your mother.

Otherwise, there are things that you personally can do to try and help with her depression.

Just trying to encourage her to talk to you

and share what she's feeling can help her process what she's going through and get her to realise that she's got support.

There are some fantastic resources online if you want to read more about depression.

Try this one for starters. Finally, I want you to remember that she still loves and cares about you.

Just because it seems like she's pulled away over the death of your brother,

doesn't mean that she loved him more or that she doesn't love anyone else anymore.

Your mother is just struggling to cope with her grief, and needs help getting out of her own head.

[Reddit User] − NAH. Your mom has had a mental breakdown and she needs help from professionals.

She is supposed to be taking care if you, but she is not capable of doing so.

You and your siblings need to go live with your father,

and he or another relative needs to get her into inpatient treatment. I’m so sorry this is happening to you.

Foothillsgirl − NAH. Everybody grieves differently. Not all grieving is healthy.

Your sister may not be doing any favors by enabling your mom right now.

I dont think anyone's being malicious here, just grief set y'all down a poor path.

A professional should help you sort this out. Regardless of what happens you are not wrong for having feelings here.

This family’s story is a raw glimpse into grief’s ripple effects. While the mother’s pain is real, the children’s voices and well-being can’t be sidelined indefinitely. Should minors bear the weight of adult responsibilities when a parent collapses under sorrow?

Could professional help and temporary relocation ease the burden on these teens? Are readers invited to weigh in: How would you navigate the line between empathy for a grieving parent and protecting children from neglect? Share your hot takes below!

Layla Bui

Layla Bui

Hi, I’m Layla Bui. I’m a lifestyle and culture writer for Daily Highlight. Living in Los Angeles gives me endless energy and stories to share. I believe words have the power to question the world around us. Through my writing, I explore themes of wellness, belonging, and social pressure, the quiet struggles that shape so many of our lives.

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