A so-called friendly suggestion turned into a full-blown argument about identity.
A 17-year-old boy, openly gay and comfortable with who he is, found himself defending something he thought needed no defense at all. When one of his friends pointed out that a girl in their circle had a crush on him, OP politely declined the idea of dating her. Not because she wasn’t nice. Not because he was unavailable. Simply because he’s gay.
That should have been the end of it.
Instead, his friend doubled down. What followed was a long lecture about “keeping an open mind,” “giving her a chance,” and questioning how OP could really know his sexuality without trying to date a girl. The conversation quickly shifted from awkward to invalidating.
Now OP’s being labeled “stubborn” for refusing to experiment with someone else’s expectations, and the situation has sparked a bigger question. When does encouragement cross the line into disrespect?
Now, read the full story:
This story hits a nerve because it highlights a quiet but common issue. Support often exists until it gets inconvenient or challenges someone’s assumptions. OP didn’t lash out. He didn’t mock or belittle anyone. He calmly stated a boundary about his identity.
What makes this situation uncomfortable is the idea that someone else thinks they know OP better than OP knows himself. Suggesting a gay teen should date a girl to “make sure” implies that being gay is undecided or incomplete without outside validation.
That kind of thinking doesn’t come from cruelty, but it still causes harm. When someone refuses to accept a clear “no” rooted in identity, it stops being advice and becomes pressure.
The second edit adds humor, but it also proves the point. The suggestion felt absurd when roles were reversed, which shows how unfair the original argument was.
This situation centers on a misunderstanding of sexual orientation and a failure to respect personal boundaries.
According to the American Psychological Association, sexual orientation describes a person’s enduring emotional, romantic, and sexual attraction. It is not determined through experimentation or trial relationships. People typically understand their orientation through internal awareness, not forced experiences.
Telling someone they need to “try it” implies that their self-knowledge is unreliable. That assumption often reflects cultural bias rather than psychological reality.
Research on LGBTQ+ youth shows that invalidating a young person’s stated identity increases stress and lowers emotional well-being. When teens feel pressured to conform to heterosexual expectations, they report higher anxiety and lower self-esteem.
Even well-meaning pressure can feel like rejection. The message becomes “I don’t believe you,” even if that isn’t the intent.
Healthy friendships require listening and respect. Communication experts note that continuing to push an idea after someone clearly declines crosses into boundary violation territory.
OP communicated clearly. George ignored that boundary and reframed it as stubbornness. That shift places blame on OP for asserting himself, which is unfair.
Many people subconsciously view heterosexuality as the default. When someone challenges that norm, others may respond by trying to “correct” or “test” it, even without realizing they’re doing so.
This doesn’t mean George is malicious. It means he’s operating from a flawed assumption about how sexuality works.
A supportive response would sound like:
“I hear you.”
“I trust that you know yourself.”
“I won’t push this further.”
That approach affirms identity without judgment.
OP is already doing the right thing by holding firm. Moving forward, he can:
- State boundaries clearly and once.
- Disengage if the conversation turns repetitive.
- Evaluate whether this friend respects him consistently.
Support isn’t measured by words alone. It shows up in how someone reacts when you say no. Sexual orientation does not require validation through experimentation. Respecting someone’s identity means accepting their words at face value.
Check out how the community responded:
Many commenters backed OP and said the friend’s behavior was dismissive.
Others pointed out deeper issues with the friend’s thinking.
Some responded with humor and solidarity.
At the end of the day, this situation isn’t about dating a girl. It’s about whether someone respects your right to define yourself.
OP didn’t insult anyone. He didn’t lead anyone on. He didn’t reject kindness. He simply stated who he is and refused to perform an experiment for someone else’s peace of mind.
Being open-minded doesn’t mean ignoring your own identity. And support that disappears when it’s challenged isn’t real support.
So what do you think? Should friends accept someone’s stated sexuality without questioning it? Or is “just try it” ever an appropriate response?
