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Therapist Asked For Tips, So This Parent Fired Her On The Spot

by Layla Bui
December 30, 2025
in Social Issues

Therapy relies heavily on trust. You are expected to open up about your fears, finances, and family struggles, believing that the professional across from you is acting in your best interest. Once that trust cracks, even slightly, it can be hard to ignore the feeling that something fundamental has shifted.

The original poster was co-parenting a 12-year-old with his ex and had been attending therapy sessions for years. While the experience felt more routine than transformative, he stayed committed for his son’s sake.

That changed after an unexpected conversation about money took an uncomfortable turn. A simple request from the therapist left him stunned and suspicious, forcing him to reconsider everything about the relationship. Was it a misunderstanding or a serious ethical line being crossed? Read on to see why he made a drastic decision.

After two years of family therapy, a dad rethinks everything when money enters the room.

Therapist Asked For Tips, So This Parent Fired Her On The Spot
no the actual photo

'AITA for firing our family therapist after she asked for tips?'

My ex and I have a 12yo boy who's going through some things. We found a therapist and we've been seeing her for a couple of years.

It hasn't been life changing for me in anyway. In fact, it became more of a pointless chore like making your bed or folding your underwear.

I might had gotten a few things out of it but would not do it again.

A few weeks ago, I had told our therapist that it's bizarre to not have to worry about money for the first time in my life.

I make good money and don't have many bills. I'm saving like $1,000 a month.

Last week the therapist asked me if I could start making a copayment.

I don't have a copayment because my insurance covers 100% of therapy sessions. I explained that to her.

She said that was true but maybe I could start paying like $20 cash because she's not making a lot with what my insurance pays her. Like a tip.

I was at a loss for words. I said "and I suppose this has no relation to my telling you that I had disposable income from a few weeks ago?"

She said of course not. It was like she was asking for a raise lol. I said I'd think about it.

I found nothing about "tipping" your therapist. I talked to my ex and said I was firing the therapist.

She told me not to throw away 2 years of work and I said this therapist tried taking advantage of me.

She offered to pay and I said I'm not stopping you but I'm not doing the sessions anymore and neither is are son.

The trust I had in our therapist is forever broken.

I left a voicemail and text message explaining we weren't in need of services anymore.

I haven't heard back. Guess what? Our lives didn't fall apart and the therapist replied that I totally misunderstood this whole tip thing.

There are moments when trust doesn’t break with a bang but slips away quietly. In spaces built on vulnerability, even a small shift can change how safe someone feels. When a relationship that’s meant to provide support starts to feel transactional, the emotional impact often outweighs the actual event.

In this situation, the OP was not reacting to money itself. He was responding to a loss of emotional safety. For years, he had attended family therapy primarily for his 12-year-old son, even though the sessions felt more like an obligation than a breakthrough.

When the therapist referenced his improved financial situation and followed it with a request for extra cash, the dynamic changed. What had been professional suddenly felt personal.

The concern wasn’t the amount, but the implication that his honesty may have been remembered and reused. Once that thought entered the room, trust, the foundation of therapy, eroded.

People are split because they prioritize different values. Some focus on continuity and worry about throwing away two years of work. Others instinctively side with the OP’s reaction. Psychological research shows that many men are particularly sensitive to perceived unfairness or loss of autonomy.

What might feel like a harmless request to one person can feel like exploitation to another, especially when there is already an inherent power imbalance. From this angle, the OP’s choice reads less like impulsivity and more like boundary enforcement.

Professional ethics strongly support that interpretation. The American Psychological Association (APA) states in its Ethical Principles of Psychologists and Code of Conduct that psychologists must avoid exploiting clients financially and must establish clear, pressure-free fee arrangements.

Using personal information shared in therapy to justify additional payment undermines ethical practice and client trust.

In addition, GoodTherapy, a widely used mental health education platform, explains that boundary violations do not need to be extreme to cause harm.

Financial requests outside previously agreed terms can destabilize the therapeutic alliance and make clients feel unsafe or manipulated. Once trust is damaged, continuing therapy may no longer be beneficial.

Seen through this lens, the OP’s decision appears grounded rather than reactive. Therapy depends on safety and trust, especially when a child is involved. If a parent no longer feels secure, that instability can quietly affect the child as well.

A realistic takeaway is that time invested does not obligate someone to stay. Walking away from a professional relationship that no longer feels ethical or safe is not a failure. Sometimes, it is the most responsible choice available.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

These commenters strongly agreed the therapist acted unethically and broke trust

[Reddit User] − NTA and I'd contact your insurance company. They'll probably want to drop her entirely if they find out about this.

ravinred − Wow, how unprofessional! She should renegotiate with the insurance company. NTA

DeadGodJess − NTA wtf? That is wildly unethical, I absolutely would not trust her with the mental health of my child, much less myself.

toosheeptheorist − NTA - so, your insurance pays 100% of what the therapist charges, and they wanted a co-pay? Money on top of what they would normally charge?

For one, tipping of a therapist is not a thing, secondly, if the therapist wants more money, they need to either raise their rates, or if it's in a group...

The therapist was unethical in this situation, whether you have disposable income or not, and should be reported to their professional

board for a breech of ethics in addition to your insurance company for attempting to "double dip"

Urbanyeti0 − NTA not only is it absolutely a result of you saying you’re finally not having money worries, but she then lied to you about it

acidrefluxisgreat − NTA, this is a red flag. i have previously been (financially) exploited by a therapist and a good provider would not do this to you.

deciding to raise their rates are one thing, but trying to trick you into a co payment you didn’t owe and asking for tips is going in the wrong direction.

don’t discount your feelings of broken trust. it’s kind of important on a foundation level.

yes it does suck to have to look for a new therapist but staying with one you don’t trust is worse.

These users urged OP to report the therapist to insurance or licensing boards

avengingwitch − I work in health insurance. Call your insurance company IMMEDIATELY and report her.

They can take the complaint over the phone and handle everything for you. ESPECIALLY if this therapist is accepting any state-based insurance.

This group backed OP but warned against abruptly ending therapy without transition

NeedAPhotofromFanX − NTA that was trashy and she needs to bill the insurance for more if she wants a "raise".

Its fine to think your time is worth more, but there are channels for this sort of thing.

One slight issue might be unilaterally cancelling the therapist your family has worked with. Your family not "falling apart" isn't really an indicator of her usefulness.

Sounds like you are projecting how you personally feel about therapy onto your other family members.

I certainly understand wanting to pursue a different therapist but maybe wait until a replacement had been secured? I dunno.

LowAdvisor9274 − Hey, therapist here! As many people have said, very unethical how the therapist approached this.

I’m not very familiar with making agreements for a set small amount with insurance companies, but if they agreed to it, changing the payment plan midway through treatment is suspicious.

Having said that, I hope you find a therapist for your son, even if it’s only for him and not you.

If your son had a positive working relationship with this person, it abruptly went away without a transition period for a new clinician.

If your son was getting something out of therapy, or can, I would urge you to reach out to more therapists because there was a reason your son

was going, and broken trust with one therapist doesn’t mean that you and your son are now healed. And as an aside, therapy isn’t about holding your lives together.

You make it sound like you believe therapy is about keeping you away from the end of the world.

Therapy is about challenging thoughts, understanding emotions and changing behaviour, which doesn’t have to be a life-changing event. NTA.

These commenters criticized OP for prioritizing himself over his son’s mental health

Tangerine_Bouquet − So, of course the therapist was unprofessional and this sounds like something to report.

However, you say "we've been seeing" implying that this was your son's therapist. You make it all about you, but you're leaving out an important part: your son.

INFO: How does your son feel about this? Is he seeing another therapist?

It sounds like you're probably an AH to your son for not making reasonable arrangements to find another therapist who takes your insurance and supporting him while he's "going through...

You don't sound like you even care about him. I hope your ex at least takes him to therapy if he needs it

(again, probably not with a therapist who asks for tips, you're probably not an AH for firing this one).

Kind-Philosopher1 − ESH Firing her was the right thing do, but you are using this as an excuse to take your son out of therapy.

Your son, who is going through things, should not lose this support just because you find it a waste of time.

You don't see the point of therapy, fine, but don't use "Our lives didn't fall apart" as justification for keeping your son from mental health treatement that he needs.

The more i think about it the more I question if you actually did "misunderstand" what she was saying and spun it because you find therapy worthless.

shedwyn2019 − NTA asking for extra feels unethical Caveat: you are finding another therapist for your son and wife?

You sound like someone who does not value therapy and your personal feelings should not trump your family’s interest in receiving therapy.

Also therapists are not one-size fits all. The lack of rapport you had with this person does not mean all therapy is useless.

As long as the client is WILLING and puts in the work, therapy can be life changing. I am shocked you do not have a co-pay.

It has been decades since I have not had a co-pay and back then they limited the number of visits per year.

This commenter agreed the therapist was wrong but stressed finding a new therapist

Valor816 − Look, definitely not cool of your therapist to ask for a tip. They threw away the therapeutic relationship in a sentence with that line.

But you would be TA if you don't find another therapist. From your language it sounds like you were resistant to therapy, yet you still got "a few things out...

Meanwhile your ex was so desperate to continue with therapy, they offered to pay extra. Therapy isn't like a surgery or an antibiotic.

It's more like maintenance for your emotions. There will be times when you have more or less to talk about, but you're never just "fixed".

We are all far more complex than simple problems and solutions.

When you've got less to talk about in therapy, use that as time to reflect on the worst times in a new light.

If engaging with therapy helps your co-parenting relationship, then don't you owe it to your child? Try finding a new therapist.

Work with them to establish a therapeutic relationship, then dive into the nitty gritty of your life once you feel comfortable.

They are bound by law and ethics to keep s__t to themselves provided its not harmful to you or others. NTA But please try a new therapist.

These users said the therapist crossed ethical lines by asking for extra money

[Reddit User] − NTA. This is actually against ethics as well and reportable.

[Reddit User] − Many therapists are going to cash only and doing away with insurance, with people willing to pay the out of pocket costs as insurance doesn’t reimburse much.

But this seems like she just wants a tip. NTA. If she needs to change her payment model, then she should just come out and say it.

This seems like it’s because you told them you make more now. Very cringe

Most readers sided with the decision to walk away but not without reservations. The therapist’s request raised real ethical concerns, yet many felt the bigger story was about balance: protecting boundaries without abandoning support.

Do you think firing the therapist was the only reasonable move, or should there have been a transition plan for the child?

And where should parents draw the line when trust clashes with continuity of care? Share your hot takes below we’re listening.

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS STORY?

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS STORY?

OP Is Not The AH (NTA) 0/0 votes | 0%
OP Is Definitely The AH (YTA) 0/0 votes | 0%
No One Is The AH Here (NAH) 0/0 votes | 0%
Everybody Sucks Here (ESH) 0/0 votes | 0%
Need More INFO (INFO) 0/0 votes | 0%

Layla Bui

Layla Bui

Hi, I’m Layla Bui. I’m a lifestyle and culture writer for Daily Highlight. Living in Los Angeles gives me endless energy and stories to share. I believe words have the power to question the world around us. Through my writing, I explore themes of wellness, belonging, and social pressure, the quiet struggles that shape so many of our lives.

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