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This Rockstar Boss Refused to Help an Executive Until He Apologized to His Female Manager

by Believe Johnson
December 27, 2025
in Social Issues

We have all likely experienced that slight sting when someone underestimates our abilities based on a first impression. It is a bit of a classic, though admittedly frustrating, workplace scenario that many professional women know quite well. In a busy office, roles are defined by more than just titles. They are built on expertise and hard work.

A professional woman recently shared a story about an interaction that felt a little like a step back in time. While her boss was out for the morning, an executive from another organization called with a flurry of demands. Despite her high-ranking title, the caller simply could not imagine she was anything other than administrative help. It is a narrative about boundaries, professional respect, and the incredible impact of having a boss who truly values your worth.

The Story

This Rockstar Boss Refused to Help an Executive Until He Apologized to His Female Manager
Not the actual photo

Treat me like my boss' secretary? Let's see how that goes for you?

A couple years ago I worked for a small team within a larger organization that ran a rather niche grant program.

It was literally my boss, let's call him Charles, me, and two part-time consultants who did our finances/bookkeeping.

My boss and I had a great rapport. He hired me to essentially run large aspects of our program,

and gave me pretty much unilateral oversight of the key elements of it, from program design and development, to execution.

He was a great manager in this respect. He provided a lot of mentoring and guidance, but mostly got out of my way,

and only wanted me to escalate the big stuff that I felt rose to the level.

While I didn't love the job itself, I loved having so much freedom.

I was sort of bridging that gap of moving from a young professional into a mid-career professional,

and so this offered a lot of growth opportunities. One thing that made my boss great was that he always had my back.

One day, I was in the office pretty much alone. My boss was on the board of a few orgs,

and he was off at a half-day meeting. Our offices were right across from each other,

so I could typically see him when he came and left, and I could hear his phone when it rang.

That morning, his phone was ringing, and ringing, and ringing. Then finally, my phone rang.

It was the Executive Director (ED from here on out) of one of the organizations we worked with, an older man, maybe in his 70s.

The conversation went something like this:. Me: Ouroborus13 speaking, how can I help you?.

ED: (Sounding frustrated). I've been calling Charles all morning but he's not answering..

Me: Yes, he's at a half day Board meeting. Is there something I can help you with?

ED: I doubt it. Maybe you could just check his calendar and put a call with me on there for when he's back.

Me: I'm sorry, I wish I could but I don't have access to his calendar, so I can't see what he has

in the afternoon and I can't add things to his calendar. I'm sure he'll be back soon....

ED: (Cuts me off). That's unacceptable! How does his secretary not to have access to his calendar?! Who sets his meetings?!

Now here's the thing. While I am my boss' employee, I am not his secretary.

I don't have access to his calendar, and my boss sets his own meetings. Not only that,

but I had corresponded with, and even met, this ED in the past. My signature block and business card clearly say "Program Manager",

as does my bio on our web page. Alas, this wasn't the first time someone had assumed that I was my boss' secretary.

It happens. I was in my late twenties at the time, and as a young professional woman working for a man,

it seemed a common misconception. Usually, it's not a big deal. Normally, I clarify my role and people feel a little embarrassed,

and we go on about our lives. So, I clarified my role for the ED. Me: Just to clarify, I'm not Charles' secretary.

He doesn't have a secretary. I'm actually the Program Manager. Charles manages his schedule on his own.

If you want to shoot us both an email, I'll make sure that he responds and sets up a time to talk to you.

Otherwise, when he comes back I'll let him know you called so you can arrange a meeting....

ED: (Cuts me off again). Well, I have an important question for him, and it's unacceptable that I can't set up

a meeting with him, and I also can't get an answer to it right away! How is this good client service?!

Me: Well, you know, I am the Program Manager. Why don't you tell me what your question is about,

and let's see if I can help you. The ED explained that he called to talk about the application process

and requirements for a program of ours, one that I actually ran. Not only that,

but the nature of his questions were not so complicated that it necessitated escalating to my boss.

These were things I could easily help him with. Me: Well, you're in luck! I am actually the one who runs that program,

not Charles. I've designed that application process, and I would actually be able to answer your questions with a lot more detail

than Charles would. He would just defer you to me. Why don't you tell me what questions you have, and I can answer them!

ED: (Long pause. Then, in a patronizing tone). Young lady, I'm sure you're very bright, and I'm sure you want to be helpful,

but I'd really prefer to talk to Charles. Why don't you just take a message for him for me, okay?

Now I'm kinda pissed. I'm about to tell him where he can shove his message when I see my boss coming down the hallway.

So, I tell the ED that he's in luck, I see Charles now! Let me go tell him you're on the line

and get back to you. So, I put the ED on hold and intercept my boss. I kinda explain the situation.

My boss chuckles to himself and says, "Transfer him over.". I transfer the call and I can hear my boss pick up the phone.

Charles: Chuck speaking... Oh hi there, ED, how can I help you...? Yes... Uh-huh... Yes I was at a half day Board Meeting..............

You have a question about which program....? Okay, what's your question.... Uh-huh, you want to know about the application process and criteria.....

Uh-huh.... Okay, well have you spoken to my Program Manager Ouroborus13.......? Well, she's actually the one who manages that program.......

Yes, she actually designed the application process.......... Sorry, ED, I wouldn't be able to answer that specific question.......

No, I'm sorry, I don't know the answer to that....... Yes, that's right, Ouroborus13 manages that entire program,

and she's really the expert on it........ Let me go see if she's in her office.. I hear my boss put the phone on hold.

He takes a long pause before he gets back on. Charles: I'm sorry, ED, but it appears she must have stepped away from her desk.

Why don't you send her an email and I'm sure she'll get back to you......... No, again I'm sorry,

but she's really leading on that program, you'll have to speak with her. I could transfer you to her voicemail if you wish......?

No, okay. Do you have her email....? Great, so send her an email and I'm sure she will get back to you on all your questions ASAP.

The ED didn't email me for a couple days, and when he finally did I helpfully walked him through all the details

of the program he was interested in. TL;DR: Man assumes that I'm a secretary and won't let me answer questions

about a program I run, and insists on talking to my boss. My boss forces him to talk to me..

Edit: Clarified ED stands for Executive Director as it seemed to be confusing people :D

Reading through this story really brings a smile to the face while also feeling a bit of that relatable irritation. It is genuinely wonderful to see a professional environment where a manager recognizes his employee’s talent and protects it so fiercely. We can almost hear the sigh of relief when the boss chose to uplift his manager instead of simply taking over the call.

It highlights how important it is to have allies in the workplace. While the executive’s comments about being a “bright young lady” felt very patronizing, the response from the team was pure class. The way they handled the situation without losing their cool is a testament to their professionalism. Transitioning into the reasons why these assumptions happen can help us understand how to change the narrative.

Expert Opinion

The situation described is often called “the credibility gap.” It is a subtle but persistent form of unconscious bias where people associate certain roles with specific genders or age groups. When an older executive assumed a woman in her twenties was a secretary, he was likely relying on outdated social shortcuts.

Research from the Harvard Business Review suggests that women in leadership often face a “double bind.” They must prove their competence much more frequently than their male counterparts do. This creates an extra layer of emotional labor in their daily tasks. The boss’s decision to defer back to his Program Manager was an act of “active allyship,” which is vital for a healthy culture.

Psychologist Dr. Joan C. Williams, an expert on workplace bias, notes that these assumptions often hide under the guise of being “polite” or “helpful.” By calling her “young lady,” the executive was technically using kind words, but his intent was to diminish her authority. This is often described as benevolent sexism.

A study featured on Psych Central suggests that when leaders stand up for their staff’s expertise, it boosts team morale and long-term productivity. “The best leaders are those who know they do not need to be the smartest person in the room,” says career coach Liz Ryan. They recognize that their strength comes from the capable people they hire.

In this story, the boss did more than just dodge a phone call. He sent a powerful message to the executive that times have changed. He made it clear that titles like “Program Manager” are not just suggestions; they are the reality of who is in charge. It is a great reminder that respect is a two-way street that every professional deserves to travel.

Community Opinions

The internet was quick to cheer for this duo, with many readers sharing their own similar experiences of being underestimated.

A few readers pointed out that the boss made the executive wait for help as a clever power move.

TazBaz - Not only “boss forces him to talk to you”, but boss forces him to wait to talk to you. Power move.

PostAnythingForKarma - The ED didn't email me for a couple days He tried to figure it out himself lol. Guaranteed.

Several people loved that the manager had such a strong rapport with her superior.

BigMacRedneck - Charles backed you up and stood his ground with ED. Good job.

All4thatsmile - Haha that's amazing. They must have felt like such a d__k for talking to you that way when realizing.

[Reddit User] - I'm so glad you had such a good rapport with your boss. Everything you said about him reminded me of my last boss.

Some users reflected on how common these gender-based assumptions still are today.

datalaughing - Awesome boss! Casual sexism in the workplace is annoying for everyone involved.

maebhazardous - I knew from the title that you'd be a woman dealing with an older gentleman. Source: my entire life.

worstpartyever - As a woman in her 50s, let me say your boss is a frigging ROCK STAR.

A couple of small business owners shared that they use similar tactics to protect their team’s time.

zazziethegiggles - Every now and then we get (mostly older guys) that say things like " can I speak to the owner"

... my husband will tell them we aren't accepting new clients if they are too rude to me or dismissive of me.

One reader expressed surprise that a person looking for funding would be so rude to a manager.

canulikenot - I cannot believe that a grantee (I'm assuming this ED is a grantee or prospective grantee) would communicate this way with a (potential) funder!

How to Navigate a Situation Like This

When you are met with an assumption that minimizes your professional role, staying calm is your secret weapon. You might find it helpful to repeat your title clearly and firmly. You can say something like, “Actually, my role as Program Manager involves making these specific decisions.” This gently corrects the other person without starting a conflict.

If the person continues to be dismissive, it is perfectly fine to defer to the “official process.” Letting them know that even if they speak to your supervisor, the supervisor will still require your input can save everyone time. Establishing these boundaries early on helps build your reputation as a firm and capable leader who knows their own value.

Conclusion

This story really highlights that we all have a role to play in making the workplace a more respectful place. When a manager supports their team and an employee stands by their expertise, it is a win for everyone. It shows that professional respect is earned through competence, regardless of age or gender.

Have you ever had a boss who went the extra mile to make sure you were respected? Or perhaps you have a clever way of correcting people who get your title wrong? We would love to hear your favorite workplace stories and tips in the comments below.

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS STORY?

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS STORY?

OP Is Not The AH (NTA) 0/0 votes | 0%
OP Is Definitely The AH (YTA) 0/0 votes | 0%
No One Is The AH Here (NAH) 0/0 votes | 0%
Everybody Sucks Here (ESH) 0/0 votes | 0%
Need More INFO (INFO) 0/0 votes | 0%

Believe Johnson

Believe Johnson

Believe Johnson - a dedicated full-time writer specializing in entertainment and news writing. Her experience in various jobs related to movies and TV show news enhances her understanding of the industry, making her an indispensable team member.

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