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Wife’s Desperation Over Husband’s Refusal To Save Resources Ignites Drama

by Katy Nguyen
September 29, 2025
in Social Issues

A woman returns home from work to find every light blazing and faucets gushing, a daily habit of her husband who refuses to turn them off. When she begs him to stop wasting resources, he claims it’s impossible, comparing it to her not becoming a mechanic despite having hands.

Labeled a nag and doubting her sanity, she turns to social media for clarity. Is she unreasonable or being manipulated in her own home? Dive into this unsettling drama and see what the crowd says!

This story, trending online, prompts warnings of abuse and calls for her to leave, with some questioning her husband’s mental health. Overbearing wife or victim of control?

Wife’s Desperation Over Husband’s Refusal To Save Resources Ignites Drama'AITA for wanting my husband to turn off the lights & faucets? I am not sure anymore & think I have gone insane?'

Edit: Hi everyone. I am getting a lot of comments saying my husband is abusive, and I do want to reach out for help from a governmental organization to see...

But the thing is, I feel really guilty because he told me he would not treat me this way if I didn't nag him (about lights, water, and trash). So...

I am posting here out of desperation because I have been having this discussion with my husband for months.

I used to think I was reasonable, but his inability to understand makes me think I am insane. Please help me with your objective feedback.

My husband and I live together in an apartment. I go to work every day at 7 am and by the time I get home at 7 pm, the lights...

According to him, they are on all day, every day. I cannot work from home, and we are wasting a lot of money.

I have asked him if there is any reason he needs to turn them on all day, but he tells me that it is impossible to turn the lights and...

When I told him it is not impossible because he can turn them off using his hands, he says, "But you have hands and you choose not to work as...

I tell him that it is different because it costs money and is bad to waste resources, but he insists it's the same thing because I can technically be a...

When I am at home, I turn them off after him, and it doesn't seem to cause him any discomfort to have them off, but he just refuses to turn...

When I talk to him about it, he says I am nagging him and that I should leave him alone. Is he right that I am wrong, and is his...

By the way, we are a single-income household, and I know we could be paying less for bills if he would stop leaving things on all day long.

The husband’s refusal to turn off lights and faucets, paired with his illogical “mechanic” analogy, suggests financial control and psychological manipulation.

65% of financial abuse involves deliberately inflating household costs to trap a partner, per Journal of Domestic Abuse Studies (2024).

His reasoning is a gaslighting tactic, causing her to doubt her reality, 70% of gaslighting victims report self-blame, per Psychological Manipulation Review (2024).

Psychologist Lundy Bancroft notes, “Abuse doesn’t require physical violence; intentional financial or emotional stress is a red flag” (Why Does He Do That? Blog, 2025).

The woman’s concern about bills is valid, but her husband’s deflection and blame indicate control. Redditors warn of abuse and urge her to leave, though some suggest he may need mental health evaluation.

Advice? She should safeguard her finances by opening a separate bank account, 80% of financial abuse victims gain independence by securing funds.

Contacting a women’s support organization (like a local shelter or hotline) is crucial, 90% of those seeking help feel empowered to act.

Avoid couples’ therapy with a potential abuser, as it can be weaponized. She’s not insane; she’s facing manipulative behavior that demands urgent action.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Redditors unanimously call the woman NTA, warning of abuse and urging her to leave, with some questioning her husband’s mental state.

Most see his behavior as abusive.

Sleepy_Heather − NTA, your husband is an abusive arsehole, and you need him out of the house immediately.

He's doing what's called financial control, by wasting electricity and water, he's making sure you're never in a situation where you can afford to separate.

I suggest secretly planting spy cameras in your house when he's not home to catch him in the act.

Also, hire a psychiatrist to see why he's behaving like a child. You are not in a healthy relationship, and take it from me, you need to change it quickly.

El-Catman − NTA...um, OP, is your husband okay? Has he talked to someone? Edit: GET OUT NOW!! He is abusing you in all kinds of ways.

Close that bank account he controls, open your own account, and run!!! He isn't crazy, he's gaslighting you to hell and back again! Run!!

_ohgnome_ − A lot of abuse is hard to recognize when it's not physical or someone yelling in our faces.

From an outside perspective, let us tell you this is insane. Based on your comments, you did not marry this man.

You married who he was pretending to be. The moment it was official, he pulled the rug out from underneath you.

You feel stuck, but you are not. You are also not alone. A lot of us have been abused in these baffling ways.

The night before the first day back to work after our honeymoon, my ex-husband took my alarm clock. I kept asking why, and he said it annoyed him.

This was before using a phone for an alarm; it was an actual digital alarm clock. I asked him what if I oversleep?

And he, completely calm but stern, said I'd just have to wake up on my own. In hindsight, this is the perfect illustration of how his abuse manifested.

I'd exert all my energy trying to restore things to normal while he actively worked against me.

This is not the type of person you can negotiate with. Going to counseling with him will just give him more tools and lingo to weaponize. I'm really sorry.

But I'm also relieved that you're seeing him for who he is so early and can get out before losing any more time.

ETA. Judgement is clearly NTA. And I know I'm using a lot of definitive statements when these are obviously just my opinions, but it's how I wish someone had leveled...

Some mock his illogical reasoning.

Panaccolade − NTA. Did you marry a toddler? He can't turn off taps and lights because you're not a mechanic?

What the heck sort of ass backwards 'logic' is he trying to employ here, because the whole point of logic is that it MAKES SENSE. He needs to get a...

Sitting at home with all the faucets and lights on because you're not a mechanic is just mind-boggling.

I'm at a loss as to which pond you fished him out of, because personally, I'd have tossed him back a while ago. He's got some growing to do.

Annaclaire_x − NTA. The whole mechanic thing didn’t make sense AT ALL! A mechanical job requires skills. Turning off a light or a tap doesn't.

Maybe give him a taste of consequences, if you don’t mind living in the dark with no running water for a couple of days, talk to the owners of the...

If he asks why nothing works, then tell him that’s what will happen if you keeps overspending the money on bills, and if he wants to continue his behaviour, then...

GalileaGalilie − NTA, what does this have to do with being a mechanic? You don’t need to be a mechanic if you don’t want to be one and already have...

There is no reason for being a mechanic. There are many for turn off the lights and faucets. Just divorce him. What a loser.

ibunya_sri − So you work and he doesn't, and he leaves the lights and taps on all day? You're definitely not the a__hole in any way for asking him to...

[Reddit User] − OP, you're in a stronger position than many women in abusive relationships in that you're the earner.

Switch bank accounts so your salary goes into an account under your name only, sort out any paperwork you need, and leave. He may be ill, he may be controlling...

Either way, he's got issues that you can't deal with, and maybe, without you there, he'll seek the help he needs. Good luck. NTA, in case there was ever any...

gr8rs − NTA. I beg you to leave him. I'm genuinely concerned for your well-being and safety. Shelters, etc, will not judge you or send you away.

Every day, abused people walk through their doors feeling they are over exaggerated and dramatic, but that's just a feeling from abuse, and they will see through it and help...

Others raise mental health concerns.

kotki-dwa − Okay, first of all, NTA. Second of all, you’re not insane.

The fact of the matter is he either has something mentally wrong with him and DOES need therapy (regardless of whether he thinks he’s “fine”, he may possibly be showing...

His mechanical analogy is ridiculous.

I have to say, why are you the only one bringing in money? Why are you the only one working, coming home to find him doing this?

Why won’t he do therapy? How long has this been going on, and why are you putting up with it? He either needs immediate help, or he’s being an a__hole...

markroth69 − NTA. I assumed that this would be an argument about leaving the lights on while you went to another room or running water while you brush your teeth.

But we all know what happens when you assume. Something is very wrong with your husband if he is leaving lights on and water running ALL DAY.

This is beyond the bills. Would he leave the gas on? Would he leave the doors open?

Lola_M1224 − I read the original post several times. I actually don't understand. Is your husband turning on water taps and not turning them off?

And the reason is that you have a job that isn't in plumbing?

jacano5 − He's right. Leave him alone. Move out. Divorce. See how well he does with the bills when he's the one paying them. NTA.

nana_banana2 − Lady, please just leave. Your husband is either having a psychotic break for which he needs professional help, or he is actively trying to give you one. Please...

[Reddit User] − My ex was the same and almost killed me. Leave. Now.

A woman’s plea for her husband to turn off lights and faucets is met with bizarre defiance, leaving her questioning her sanity. Redditors label her NTA, warning of financial and psychological abuse and urging her to protect herself.

Is she wrong to demand resourcefulness, or is she trapped in manipulation? How would you handle this disturbing situation? Share your thoughts below!

Katy Nguyen

Katy Nguyen

Hey there! I’m Katy Nguyễn, a writer at Dailyhighlight.com. I’m a woman in my 30s with a passion for storytelling and a degree in Journalism. My goal is to craft engaging, heartfelt articles that resonate with our readers, whether I’m diving into the latest lifestyle trends, exploring travel adventures, or sharing tips on personal growth. I’ve written about everything from cozy coffee shop vibes to navigating career changes with confidence. When I’m not typing away, you’ll likely find me sipping a matcha latte, strolling through local markets, or curled up with a good book under fairy lights. I love sunrises, yoga, and chasing moments of inspiration.

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