Thanksgiving was supposed to be simple this year. OP and her husband had already decided not to invite his mother because past meals always ended with her taking food before the kids and packing up huge amounts of leftovers. But despite not being invited, MIL turned up anyway, ready to repeat old habits.
OP stepped in to keep things fair, asking her MIL to wait her turn and later stopping her from filling containers with food for a boyfriend no one had ever met.
MIL left angry and embarrassed, and later blamed OP for making her feel unwelcome. With her husband suddenly silent and upset, OP is unsure whether she went too far. Scroll down to see if she was wrong for enforcing boundaries in her own home.
A woman clashes with her MIL over food boundaries at Thanksgiving, leaving the family tense
Boundaries often become most painful when they bump against someone else’s unmet emotional needs. In this situation, OP wasn’t trying to humiliate her mother-in-law, she was trying to maintain fairness, protect her household of six, and prevent a pattern she’d endured for years.
When someone repeatedly cuts ahead of children, takes excessive food, and leaves others hungry, it creates an emotional load that builds over time. OP’s reaction came from accumulated stress, not malice.
Inside this dynamic is a clash of emotional histories. The MIL’s behavior reflects deep food insecurity, a pattern often shaped by past deprivation.
Research by Verywell Mind shows that people who have experienced scarcity may “hoard, overconsume, or fixate on resources even long after conditions improve.” This is documented in the psychology of scarcity, where a history of not having enough can reshape habits long-term.
But while compassion explains behavior, it doesn’t erase impact. OP is the one cooking, serving children first, ensuring everyone has enough and often being the last to eat.
Watching someone push ahead of kids or empty food into containers can feel disrespectful and destabilizing. Her frustration is understandable when she carries the emotional and logistical weight of feeding a large family.
A critical fresh perspective is this: even when someone struggles with insecurity, it’s not the daughter-in-law’s job to absorb the fallout. Without boundaries, the MIL’s anxiety becomes everyone else’s burden.
Many women, especially the ones managing the household, end up being the “emotional shock absorbers” of extended-family dysfunction.
OP refused to play that role, and that can feel threatening to someone used to getting their needs met first.
Psychologist Dr. Ellen Hendriksen explains that boundaries are vital because they “teach others how to treat us” and help prevent resentment from poisoning relationships.
Boundary violations often occur when someone prioritizes their own anxiety above shared expectations, exactly what OP experienced.
Understanding this research makes OP’s actions far more reasonable. She didn’t yell. She didn’t insult. She simply enforced a rule everyone else already followed: kids first, adults wait, no excessive taking of food without asking.
The MIL’s embarrassment came not from cruelty, but from losing access to habits she previously got away with.
The husband’s silence adds another emotional layer. Conflict-avoidant partners often withdraw instead of supporting the boundary-setter, leaving the other partner feeling exposed and alone. But couples can only navigate complicated relatives successfully when they present a united front.
Boundaries don’t destroy families; silence does. OP and her husband need to agree on house rules, consequences, and how to enforce them together. Healthy families aren’t built by avoiding discomfort, but by protecting fairness, stability, and respect.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
This group calls out the husband for enabling MIL and failing to set boundaries
These commenters cheer OP on and say the husband must handle his mother, not OP
This group highlights MIL’s entitlement and points out deeper household imbalance
These Redditors stress OP’s need for self-respect, equal treatment, and household rules
What do you think? Was she right to draw the line, or should she have handled it differently? Share your thoughts below!
