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Woman Considers Breaking Up With Boyfriend Over His Refusal To Wash His B**t

by Leona Pham
November 6, 2025
in Social Issues

When it comes to relationships, personal hygiene can be one of those topics that no one really wants to bring up, but sometimes it’s absolutely necessary. One Redditor found herself in a dilemma when she discovered her boyfriend wasn’t properly washing himself, particularly in a rather crucial area. After bringing it up to him, he brushed it off, and now she’s questioning whether this is a dealbreaker for her.

Is her desire for basic hygiene too much to ask, or is she overreacting to something that might not be as serious as it seems? Keep reading to see how this hygiene issue is creating tension in their relationship and whether it’s a valid reason to break up.

Her boyfriend’s refusal to wash his b__t in the shower has left her questioning if she should end the relationship over hygiene

Woman Considers Breaking Up With Boyfriend Over His Refusal To Wash His B**t
not the actual photo

'WIBTA for breaking up with my bf because he doesn't wash his b__t?'

I recently learned that my boyfriend does not wash his b__t in the shower.

We were taking a shower together and I noticed that he applied soap in his hand and gently rubbed his hand over his body.

He said that he uses his hand to shower and not a loofa, washcloth, etc.

I also noticed that he didn't wash his b__t. He said that when he's in the shower the water rinses over his b__t and that's how he washes it.

I tried to be understanding as maybe his parents never taught him how to properly shower.

I told him he needed to open his cheeks and wash in the crack. I thought we had come to an understanding that he would do so.

That all happened on Saturday. Now it is Tuesday and I've asked him if he has washed his b__t since that conversation we had.

He said no that he thought it was n__ty to stick his hand in there to wash it.

This time I am starting to distance myself from the relationship.

IMO he is a grown man that doesn't practice basic hygiene. In his opinion, he needs time to get comfortable with the idea of it.

I can't tell if I'm being too harsh on him or if my wanting to end things is justified. Do I throw away the best partner I've ever had over...

We’ve all been in relationships where small things start to bug us, but when do those small things become deal-breakers? This Reddit post explores a situation that might seem trivial to some, but for the OP, it’s causing real discomfort and forcing them to question the future of their relationship.

The emotional core here revolves around hygiene, something that can seem like a personal preference, but for many, it’s also an indicator of how much someone cares for themselves and their partner.

In this case, the OP noticed something that many might consider basic: personal cleanliness. Hygiene is not just about physical health; it’s also tied to self-respect and how we show care for others. When the OP pointed out to her boyfriend that his lack of hygiene could cause discomfort for her, it wasn’t just about the cleanliness issue itself, but the emotional distance that started to form as a result.

For the OP, this situation is about trust, communication, and feeling valued, all of which hinge on a partner’s willingness to meet certain basic standards of care.

From a psychological perspective, habits like hygiene are often learned during childhood. If a person’s parents didn’t emphasize certain behaviors, it might not even occur to them that it’s a problem. This seems to be the case with the boyfriend, his hesitation to use his hands to wash himself might stem from discomfort or unfamiliarity.

However, it also signals a lack of willingness to make changes for the sake of a relationship, which can be troubling.

According to Dr. Laura Berman, a relationship therapist, “When partners communicate about discomfort and the other doesn’t respond, it can create resentment over time. Basic self-care can be seen as a form of self-respect, and when one partner doesn’t demonstrate that, it might signal deeper emotional or relational issues.”

The OP’s frustration is understandable; hygiene isn’t just about cleanliness; it’s a way of showing respect for oneself and others. If the boyfriend isn’t willing to make this change, it might feel like a breach of that mutual respect. However, the boyfriend’s reluctance might not be a reflection of his feelings toward the OP, but rather a deeper issue with his own comfort and self-awareness.

In the end, it’s up to the OP to decide whether this issue is something they can live with or if it’s a deal-breaker. It’s a question of boundaries and self-respect. But it also begs the question: can one person’s hesitation to change outweigh all the good aspects of the relationship?

Would it be worth trying to find a compromise, or is this just too fundamental an issue to overlook? What do you think? Is it too harsh to consider breaking up over hygiene, or is it a valid reason to rethink the relationship?

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

This group roasted the idea of dating someone with poor hygiene, especially regarding basic cleanliness

[Reddit User] − NTA. If a grown man can’t clean his ass he probably isn’t wiping it well either. It’s a dealbreaker for me.

normalLichen777 − Thank f__k for chlorine. How many people out there are also unsafe to be in a public pool with

PaleoJoe86 − I remember overhearing a girl in college tell her friend how she has to lure her BF into the shower with s__ so he would bathe.

IDK why people bother staying with those who are disgusting.

eightsidedbox − NTA. I'm a dude. Your bf is gross

These commenters emphasized hygiene as a major dealbreaker and the potential consequences of staying with someone who neglects it

ketchupnsketti − NTA. 90% of my motivation to shower is to get a couple fist fulls of lather right in my b__t.

Ok_Environment2254 − NTA I have a friend who after years of marriage got divorced and one of the top 3 reasons she listed when venting was his dirty b__t.

He’s not gonna change and you will never not feel icky.

Specific_Anxiety_343 − NTA. Nobody should have to be coaxed into b__t washing

ifuckedup0226 − NTA. Hygine is a huge dealbreaker for some and hopefully most in this situation.

That is seriously not okay and he either needs to fix it now, or learn the consequences of being n__ty.

NTA at all, and I hope that you end up with a hygenic relationship, no matter the outcome of this one.

This group reacted with disbelief and humor at the idea of someone being “too uncomfortable” to wash properly, calling out the absurdity

Kissariani − In his opinion, he needs time to get comfortable with the idea of it. NTA Excuse me?

He swipes toilet paper up his ass crack but he's got to warm up to the idea of soap and a wash cloth? GTFO. OMG.

NatashOverWorld − Too n__ty to wash but it's literally part, ohmygod men Oh jeeze... yeah you're fine in leaving this man with a literal unwashed ass NTA

AuraleahSunwolf − WTF!! I wouldn't be touching that man ever again if he isn't gonna wash his body appropriately, YUK. Grow TF up, n__ty boy

These users expressed their strong distaste for people who neglect basic hygiene, even suggesting social consequences for non-washers

RyanBanJ − I used to be with a girl who never washed her ass, it was strange.

She said the same stuff, that she showers and the water runs down her crack.

One day we tried 69 for the first time and I was hit with a strong scent of s__t once that ass cracked open. That was it after that.

ProcessorProton − Seriously...non b__t washers should be ostracized from society...

masterofmidnight − NTA. You shouldn’t have to explain basic hygiene to someone, especially an adult.

It’s actually a potential safety hazard if you’re intimate with this person (which I assume you are).

Can this relationship survive this stinky situation, or is it time to walk away? Do you think she’s overreacting, or is this a valid reason to reconsider the relationship? Share your thoughts below!

Leona Pham

Leona Pham

Hi, I'm Leona. I'm a writer for Daily Highlight and have had my work published in a variety of other media outlets. I'm also a New York-based author, and am always interested in new opportunities to share my work with the world. When I'm not writing, I enjoy spending time with my family and friends. Thanks for reading!

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