When love feels easy, it’s tempting to believe you’ve found your soulmate. Shared hobbies, a beloved pet, even dreams of marriage can make everything look perfect. But for one young woman, a single family dinner cracked that illusion wide open.
Posting to Reddit’s Am I the A**hole? forum, she revealed how her fiancé lied to his family about wanting children, something she’s been clear she never wanted. His “confession” afterward left her questioning whether to postpone, or even cancel, their upcoming wedding.
One woman, blindsided by her fiancé’s lie about wanting kids and his vicious insults, considers canceling their wedding after he admits he planned to change her mind post-marriage
OP wrote an update:
This case highlights a classic dealbreaker. According to marriage researcher Dr. John Gottman, shared values around parenting are one of the strongest predictors of marital stability. Couples who disagree on children often face irreconcilable conflict, since the issue leaves no room for compromise, you either become a parent or you don’t.
Psychologist Dr. Susan Krauss Whitbourne has written in Psychology Today that lying about family planning creates a “time bomb” in relationships, where resentment and mistrust grow over time. She explains:
“When partners mislead each other about fundamental desires, the relationship’s foundation cracks. Once exposed, repairing trust becomes nearly impossible.”
Beyond the psychology, there’s a cultural angle. In many societies, especially outside the U.S., women still face obstacles when seeking sterilization. Research by the Guttmacher Institute notes that doctors often deny women under 30 elective procedures, citing age or marital status. This leaves many women vulnerable to partners who assume they’ll “change their minds.”
What’s alarming here isn’t just the disagreement, it’s the manipulation. Hoping to sway someone after locking them into marriage shifts the power dynamic into coercion. That’s not compromise; it’s entrapment.
Advice for the poster? Protect her boundaries. If her fiancé genuinely wanted kids, he should pursue a partner who shares that vision. If she truly doesn’t, she deserves someone who respects that choice. Moving forward with a wedding would likely mean years of escalating pressure and emotional erosion.
Here’s what Redditors had to say:
Some users slammed his sneaky plan
This group pushed for a full breakup
One commenter went hard, warning his tactics (lies, guilt, insults) could escalate to violence, urging her to ghost him to avoid a trap
This group kept it real, everellie praised her for walking away from a “two-faced” jerk
Love built on lies can’t stand. This bride-to-be now knows her fiancé not only wants a future she refuses, but also intended to pressure her into it. For Reddit, the verdict was unanimous: end it now.
As one user summed up: “You’re not depriving him of anything. He can go find someone who wants kids. What you’d lose is your freedom and your truth.”
So, what do you think? Should she cancel the wedding now and walk away, or try to salvage a relationship that may never align on life’s biggest question?
