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Woman Discovers Husband Has Been Making Fun Of Her Behind Her Back, Now She’s Leaving

by Annie Nguyen
April 12, 2026
in Social Issues

When trust is shattered, the pain runs deeper than just the actions themselves, it cuts to the heart of who we thought someone was. For this woman, the reality of her marriage is now completely unrecognizable.

After enduring the loss of her mother, two miscarriages, and struggling with her weight, her husband supported her through the darkest times. Yet, unbeknownst to her, he had been secretly mocking her, criticizing her weight, sending degrading photos, and making cruel jokes with his ex-wife.

Now, facing the ultimate betrayal, she’s no longer sure who her husband really is. The man who claimed to love her is a stranger, someone capable of exploiting her vulnerabilities for amusement. The emotional toll has been immense, and she’s decided to leave.

As she prepares for the next chapter, she is taking every step cautiously, ready to reclaim her self-worth and escape from a marriage built on lies. Will she find the strength to move forward, or will the shadow of this betrayal linger over her? Keep reading to see how she plans to break free and heal.

A woman plans to leave her husband after discovering he has been making cruel comments about her to his ex-wife and secretly taking degrading photos of her

Woman Discovers Husband Has Been Making Fun Of Her Behind Her Back, Now She's Leaving
not the actual photo

'I’m leaving my husband because I found out that he has been making fun of me behind my back to his ex.'

My husband (m45) and I (f36) met about 6 years ago. We have been married for 1 year. When we met I was very fit and athletic.

I started gaining weight however after suffering 2 miscarriages and the loss of my mother to cancer.

I was very depressed and barely got out of bed if not to go to work. I stopped exercising and instead started eating junk food.

I gained 40 pounds in 2 years (2019-2020). Under this time my husband (then fiancé) was very supportive and loving.

I felt guilty and tried to give him an out several times but instead he proposed and we got married last summer.

Since our marriage I have been feeling much better and it showed.

I have lost around 20 pounds so far and I gained back my muscles and abs. He was so happy to see me feeling better.

On his computer however, it was totally a different story. He was talking, almost under our entire relationship to his ex wife about me.

His ex wife (f46), left him about 7-8 years ago for her colleague.

The relationship didn’t work however and she tried to get back together with my husband.

He has already met me but they stayed friends, mostly via chat, texting since she lives 12h away.

My husband was complaining about everything about me. My job, my depression, my cooking but mostly about my weight.

He was telling her how disgusting I was to him, how he even found it hard to share the same bed since I snored like a dog.

He sent her pictures of me while sleeping, sometimes in underwear with comments about my belly, double chin, “back b**bs” etc.

She found these pictures extremely amusing and she came up with the name “white whale”.

They both found it hilarious and now this is what they referred to me as.

They don’t flirt exactly or talk about being together or starting an affair but they do say that they miss each other

and they reminisce about the time they were married. She’s more flirtatious and he really enjoys it.

Whatever he’s telling her isn’t what I have experienced with him. I don’t disgust him. He tells me that he loves me all the time.

We have great and passionate s__ and the way he touches and makes love to me is so great he must be a really good actor

if he was in reality disgusted by me. And he hates the few times we have to sleep apart. He’s lying and I don’t know why he’s doing it.

He’s lying to one of us and I’m not sure if I want to know who he’s lying to and why.

I decided to get out of this marriage and leave this behind me.

Right now I’m acting like everything is normal but I have started looking for a new job in another city, and a place to rent.

I also started with birth control pills, in case something happens between us

and I have talked to a lawyer to prepare the divorce and start the process once I’m gone.

One thing I’m not going to do is fall back into depression and weight gain. I will not allow it. What a waste of love he has been!

Edit: I can’t believe I need to explain this about the birth control pills.

Very simple explanation. Up until I went through his Messenger I loved and trusted this guy.

We had a great s__ life and we were trying to conceive when I read what he has written and the way he took pictures of me sleeping!!!!!,

something happened inside of me like I don’t know this person in front of me anymore. I can’t read his face, and I don’t trust him.

I don’t know how long I’m going to need to stay under the same roof as him.

I don’t know what his reaction would be if I refused him under a long period of time with no real excuse.

I don’t know what else he’s capable of besides taking pictures of sleeping people.

I don’t know if I, in a moment of weakness, succumb to l__t or if he for a moment could fool me that he actually loved me.

For all these reasons and many darker scenarios I have played in my head I’m taking extra precautions.

Anyone with an IQ of a chicken could understand that, or so I hope.

Thank you everyone for the support. I will update you when I know more about where I’m headed.

I have now left my husband and served him the papers. White whale out!

Hi again! I don’t know how to make an update but my original post is in my profile (sorry if I’m using the wrong terminology for reddit).

But I’m feeling happy, so happy for the first time in weeks and I wanted to share that with you

since many of you supported me and requested an update I thought it would be the decent thing to do. So here comes nothing…

I didn’t pry or spy on my husband. I used his MacBook to do some work and he had forgotten to log out from Facebook and Messenger.

He has never given me any reason to spy on him. After I found out however I would occasionally check his phone.

Maybe hoping that it was all a bad joke.

He continued complaining anyhow and now he was telling her I was being distant and cold in manner and that he was tired of me.

He even lied and told her I was gaining even more weight even though I’m not. He told her we weren’t having s** (I avoided him)

because he couldn’t find it under the rolls of fat. A joke that she highly appreciated. I didn’t spy after that, I got the confirmation I needed.

In the mean time he acted the worried husband with me, concerned about me and asking if I was going through a new depression.

He told me he loved me and that he was there for me. He did everything like previous times I had dips.

Called from work, came home with take outs from my favorite restaurants did all the cleaning and washing around the house,

baked fresh bread in the mornings, flowers and chocolate and asked me if I wanted to go for nighttime drives/walks.

(He used to take me for a drive the nights I was feeling very down and depressed). How can anyone be so two faced?

I have my big sister who lives in another city. I told her that I was leaving my husband and that I was looking for jobs in her city.

My sister is married and she lives with her husband and daughter in a big house. She offered me one of her spare bedrooms.

I got a a few job interviews and one of them turned into an offer. It’s not exactly my field of work and it came with a significant decrease in...

But I thought about it and it’s a good start until something more suitable comes up.

I didn’t want to prolong my stay with Him any longer and a decrease in income is a good sacrifice plus I’m going to have lower rent

and I’m selling my car since the new job is a walking distance from sissy’s house. No more worry about the crazy gas prices.

My new job starts on October 1st. I’m working my notice period from my computer.

The two month between jobs I’m just going to have fun and work on myself. I took my name off the lease but I’m going to pay 2 more months.

I left him last Sunday . The night before I prepared a very nice dinner and I Effed his brains out all night. It felt soo good to hear him

whispering how much he loved me and how lucky he was to have me. In the morning I left the divorce papers and my attorney’s number.

In the kitchen. When I got to my sister, I finally could tell her and the rest of my family about everything.

I showed them all his conversations and even the pictures he’s taken of me. They’re all pissed at Him.

He has been calling and texting obsessively but he doesn’t know where I live now. emailed, DM.

He went to my parents but they just shunned him at the door and advised him to let me go.

Maybe he knows now because he’s been asking to explain and apologize etc. I don’t care.

All I’ve texted back is that if he wants to convey a message he could do it through my lawyer.

Trust is the foundation of every meaningful relationship. When that trust is shattered, it can feel as though your heart and sense of safety were ripped away. In this situation, the OP wasn’t simply hurt; she experienced a profound betrayal that attacks core human needs, security, respect, dignity, and emotional safety.

When someone you love laughs about your body, your struggles, and your most intimate moments with another person in secret, it cuts far deeper than the surface insult. It strikes at the sense of self that relationships are meant to protect and nurture.

What makes this situation particularly painful is the contrast between how the husband behaved with his wife face‑to‑face versus how he behaved in private.

To her, he was loving, supportive, and intimate. Behind closed doors, he spoke about her in ways that were cruel, demeaning, and objectifying, sharing personal images and mocking her weight and body. This pattern is not just hurtful talk between friends; it qualifies as a breach of emotional integrity.

The psychology of betrayal shows that when a partner shares private details or diminishes someone in private, it causes what experts call “partner betrayal trauma, an emotional wound that can be as deeply destabilizing as infidelity itself.

Psychologists describe betrayal as a violation of the implicit emotional contract that partners make in committed relationships. When that contract is broken through deception, whether emotional, psychological, or sexual, the betrayed partner can experience a cascade of emotional injuries including loss of self‑esteem, distrust, anger, confusion, and even symptoms similar to trauma.

In many cases of betrayal, even if there is no physical affair, the secrecy and emotional closeness with another person can constitute a form of emotional infidelity. Emotional infidelity is defined by hiding communication, sharing intimate or demeaning thoughts, and forming emotional bonds outside the primary relationship in a way that undermines trust.

This aligns with OP’s experience. Her husband’s behavior, sending demeaning photos and mocking her to his ex, constitutes emotional betrayal because it involves secrecy, a breach of the emotional boundaries of their marriage, and actions that erode trust and safety.

Betrayal doesn’t only occur through direct romantic infidelity; it also happens when private disclosures or humiliations are shared with others in a way that prioritizes secrecy over transparency.

The emotional impact of this type of betrayal can be profound. Partners who experience betrayal often report feeling disoriented, unsafe, and unsure of their own judgment because the person they trusted behaved in ways that contradict the loving behavior they saw publicly.

Given this clear psychological harm, OP’s decision to leave is an act of self‑protection. Rather than cling to a relationship that has shown a pattern of secret contempt, she is choosing to safeguard her emotional well‑being and sense of self. That choice reflects an understanding that respect, empathy, and honesty, not just affectionate words, are essential for a healthy partnership.

Ultimately, relationships should provide safety and mutual respect. When those are compromised by secret ridicule and betrayal, moving away from that dynamic isn’t just understandable, it’s a necessary step toward healing, self‑respect, and emotional survival.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

These commenters roasted the husband’s behavior, praising OP’s strength and encouraging them to leave

LSariel − Well, at least he is giving you a quick way to lose some dead weight! What a f__king ashole! You will be much better off without him.

yodidyoujustqueef − Just saying. ..40 lbs is easy to gain in that situation, but 20 lbs is hard to lose. You should be very proud.

tattoovamp − Get the f__k out. Your husband is a complete and utter a__hole. I'd leave him a note and sign it not the white whale

This group cheered for OP’s decision to walk away, emphasizing their bravery and strength

ladyoflothlorien36 − I’m proud of you for leaving. Stick to your plan and be done with him.

I can’t even fathom the gut punch reading “white whale” was… definitely make sure to screenshot

and print out the conversations for when you make your exit.

Block him, block his family if need be (because you never know what kind of crazy story he could make up), and most importantly?

Take care of yourself. We’re rooting for you.

happylittlelurker − I cannot f__king believe he took photos of you and sent them to someone else, let alone his ex wife and they made fun of you?

How absolutely appalling. OP, I’m positive you’re absolutely beautiful inside and out. I’m rooting for you to tear this pos apart.

theanxiouspumpkin − You are so strong and brave to know you deserve better and walk away. He is disgusting.

These users offered advice on confronting the situation and highlighted how heartbreaking the husband’s actions were

[Reddit User] − I would suggest printing out the emails, then leave them on the kitchen counter with your house keys and wedding band when you leave.

Leave while he's not there. If that's how he wants to behave, let him see that you left him because of it.

pelorizado83 − That must be so heartbreaking to read... how could this person act one way about you and then turn around to speak

so ill or poorly of you to someone else. .. it just doesn't make any sense. Have you tried confronting him?

Batmom222 − My ex husband did something similar (no pictures though, this was in like 2004) he wrote a letter to his ex crush

(who was married at the time) telling her how he hated being martied to me, never loved me, only married me to get out of the barracks, etc etc.

After i had left my entire life behind to move to the US with him. And you know what i did? I forgave him.

5 years later he tried to m__der me. Glad you're smarter than me.

These commenters advised documenting everything and leaving with a clean break, while wishing OP the best for the future

OwnMeBell − You’re right. He is lying to one of you. And you’re right that it doesn’t matter who. If he lies once he will do it again.

Let him have his ex wife. I hope you send him a whale joke over text as your break up (once you move). You do you girl.

You’re strong af Edit: grammer, don’t sit in traffic and Reddit folks you’ll sound illiterate

But seriously OP you’re strong as hell and it shows by your come back from depression.

Someone out there will kiss the ground you walk on, not make fun of you for some weird ego boost.

badleftleg1964 − That ex better watch what she says about other women. ..karma is a b__ch.

How long since you have seen her? For all you know she has zero teeth from her meth habit. And as for your husband. ..he is scum.

billieboop − Print a copy, save a digital copy and back that up too.

He crossed all lines, i agree with others, don't be around for when he sees it, just leave the copy with the keys

and be long gone I wish you every goodness and happiness ahead I hope you find a great workplace and living environment

and you never look back You're handling this well, go live on well & find every success May good people surround you ahead always

[Reddit User] − First of all, it's super awesome that you took control of your life and health like that. Way to go!

Second, I am sorry that this has happened in your relationship and the boundaries he has crossed (especially with the pics, wow!) are just NOT okay.

Best of luck to you in this new chapter. You sound like a really strong and smart woman!

shay-doe − Save the messages for divorce court. Sorry he did this to you. Start putting money away now!

For her own well-being, she has made the difficult decision to walk away. Do you think she made the right choice, or should she have tried to work things out with her husband? Share your thoughts below.

Annie Nguyen

Annie Nguyen

Hi, I'm Annie Nguyen. I'm a freelance writer and editor for Daily Highlight with experience across lifestyle, wellness, and personal growth publications. Living in San Francisco gives me endless inspiration, from cozy coffee shop corners to weekend hikes along the coast. Thanks for reading!

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