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Woman Faces Backlash After Planning “Secret” Sushi Dinner Without Allergic Friend

by Annie Nguyen
July 22, 2025
in Social Issues

One dinner-loving friend group just hit a raw nerve—and no, it wasn’t the wasabi. A woman took a small subset of her friends to a newly opened sushi spot that others in the group couldn’t eat at due to allergies. Now, friendships are in shambles, accusations are flying, and some people are demanding loyalty over soy sauce.

What started as a harmless sushi detour outside of the regular meetup has spiraled into emotional texts, passive-aggressive group chats, and finger-pointing over dinner plans. So was this a harmless side event—or a not-so-subtle social snub? Let’s dive into the full story shared on Reddit.

Woman Faces Backlash After Planning “Secret” Sushi Dinner Without Allergic Friend

One woman’s decision to dine at a sushi restaurant without an allergic friend, after accommodating her in group dinners, sparked a heated friend group dispute

'Aita For Excluding Someone From A Dinner Because Of Their Food Allergies?'

I (31F) am part of a friend group that meets up for dinner about twice a month. There's 6-8 of us that go together, depending on schedules, and we take turns picking restaurants we want to try and for the most part we seem to have similar tastes.

Last year, one of my friends (Jen) asked if we could include a friend of hers (Kate) that just moved to our city. Jen knew Kate from college and since Kate was new in town, Jen thought this would be a nice way for her to develop social connections without too much hassle or pressure.

Turns out, Kate is really nice and funny and is now good friends with all of us. However, Kate has a pretty serious seafood allergy. Like, not just shellfish or just fish, all seafood. She's not deathly allergic, more like break out in hives type allergic.

This hasn't really been an issue since we live in the Midwest and there's not a lot of seafood specialty restaurants near us. There are a few that we tried before Kate moved here, but none of them were worth risking Kate's allergy to go back to.

That was until a new sushi restaurant opened up about 4 months ago. My husband and I went and it was amazing. We then went on a double-date with another friend and her husband and they loved it too. So, when it was my turn to pick the next restaurant, I suggested that we go to this sushi place.

A few other women spoke up that they've been wanting to try that place too. But then Jen spoke up and reminded us of Kate's food allergy and asked if I could pick a different restaurant. Unfortunately, the sushi place doesn't really sell much of anything that isn't seafood.

Yes, they have some dumplings and edamame type stuff for appetizers, but that's pretty much it. Not exactly a full meal. But, I did the nice friend thing and picked a different restaurant that we could all eat at.

The next week though, I asked the other girls who wanted to try the sushi place if they wanted to go with me and they accepted. It wasn't part of our normal scheduled dinners, just a few of us. But, word got around that a smaller group of us had gone to the sushi place and didn't include everyone.

Jen, Kate, and another friend were upset that the rest of us had gone somewhere without them. They felt that we were purposely excluding people. But, to me, this isn't middle school. We are allowed to do things as friends outside of the full group.

And since Kate has a food allergy, it makes sense that she doesn't attend a meal like this. We still have our normal scheduled dinners, just this time a smaller group went to a restaurant that another friend could not eat at.

Like, if I wanted to exclude Kate I could have just stood firm on eating at the sushi place to begin with. But I didn't. But Jen and Kate specifically think I crossed a line by going behind their backs to eat with a just a few of us and that I'm trying to create division in our group. Now people are taking sides and pointing fingers and it's a whole mess.

Friend drama over food might sound like a sitcom subplot, but the emotional fallout can be real. Group dynamics get especially tricky when food allergies, inclusion, and the dreaded “subgroup outing” come into play.

In this case, the original poster (OP) adjusted the group’s official dinner plans to accommodate Kate’s seafood allergy. However, she later invited a few sushi-curious friends for a casual visit to the place that had initially been ruled out. It wasn’t a formal group dinner—just an extra hangout. But the aftermath? Full-on drama.

Why the overreaction? According to an article by Melissa Dahl on The Cut, “Friendship breakups often sting more than romantic ones because they’re unexpected and rarely discussed openly.”

Kate and Jen likely saw the smaller dinner as a subtle act of exclusion. But as Franco notes, these moments often reveal unspoken insecurities and power imbalances in friendships. “Many people crave emotional security in groups—and anything that threatens that balance, like exclusivity, can feel personal,” Franco says.

Sociologist Dr. Jan Yager, author of Friendgevity, emphasizes that adults are absolutely entitled to form subgroups. She notes that “exclusive friendships within larger circles are normal and even healthy—provided there’s no malice behind them.”

So, was OP obligated to invite everyone every time? Not really. But could she have announced the sushi night in a group chat to avoid misinterpretations? Probably.

It’s also worth mentioning that dietary restrictions are often emotionally loaded. Studies show people with food allergies often experience social isolation. A 2022 survey in Allergy UK found over half (53%) of people living with allergies in the UK regularly avoid social situations due to their allergy.

Bottom line? The sushi night wasn’t a crime—but it highlighted how fragile group cohesion can be when communication breaks down.

Reddit’s diners backed the Redditor, calling the exclusion claims immature

This group supported her freedom to dine separately

alreadystrong − NTA - You picked a different place for her with the whole group, you just decided to go with the interested group of friends to that restaurant later on. They can't expect you to never eat seafood just because one person in the group can't.

ImpressiveCollar5811 − NTA. You nailed it when you said that this isn’t middle school and that you’re allowed to do things outside of the group.

blueberryxxoo − NTA Yes, you're allowed to go to dinner with only some of your friends any time you want and wherever you want. Most adults understand this and would particularly understand this due to the sushi/allergy thing. Hopefully they'll come to their senses.

halleymariana − NTA. Your friends here, are most certainly acting like middle schoolers. Your reasoning is absolutely valid, you are allowed to do things you want outside of the large friend circle. Like what do Jen and Kate except ? That you force them to go with you to a sushi place despite Kate’s allergy? And what does those other friends expected you to do - go with all of them and just leave Kate alone?

These Redditors saw the drama as overblown

Kenobi4President − NTA As a shellfish allergy sufferer I went in fully prepared to tell you that you were the a**hole, but you clearly changed plans for the person and made separate plans for those that could attend. MAYBE you could've said at the first dinner 'hey anyone want to go to that sushi place next week' to officially invite everyone, but that's not even a requirement.

StAlvis − NTA Jen, Kate, and another friend were upset that the rest of us had gone somewhere without them. That's some 'misery loves company' b**lshit. Like, if I wanted to exclude Kate I could have just stood firm on eating at the sushi place to begin with. But I didn't. **F**king a.

[Reddit User] − NTA. What the H is wrong with people that they think you can only go out to eat with the dinner group and no one else ever? So silly. They’re being ridiculous.

Imaginary_Being1949 − NTA, you did the right thing in accommodating her allergy during the scheduled friend dinners. That being said, her allergy doesn't mean you aren't allowed to have seafood either. You just asked the people who showed interest for another night out. I don't see the issue. Your purpose wasn't to exclude.

These commenters suggested ways to move forward

vrindumb − NTA Are you sure you aren't friends with 17 year olds though?

Jmac_files − Nta. Don’t feed into the drama if they bring it up.

The OP tried to be inclusive—until a small dinner plan turned into a full-blown friend group meltdown. While intentions may have been harmless, the emotional reactions prove just how sensitive friendship politics can be when lines feel blurred.

Do you think the sushi night was a subtle exclusion or an innocent meetup blown out of proportion? Would you have handled it differently—or was OP right to go without guilt? Share your thoughts in the comments!

Annie Nguyen

Annie Nguyen

Hi, I'm Annie Nguyen. I'm a freelance writer and editor for Daily Highlight with experience across lifestyle, wellness, and personal growth publications. Living in San Francisco gives me endless inspiration, from cozy coffee shop corners to weekend hikes along the coast. Thanks for reading!

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