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Woman Gets Accused Of ‘Cultural Theft’ After She Finally Finds A Salon That Doesn’t Mutilate Her Curls

by Annie Nguyen
December 7, 2025
in Social Issues

Finding a stylist who actually knows how to handle your hair is a total game-changer, especially if you’ve spent years dealing with bad cuts and frizz. Finally discovering someone who gets it feels like hitting the jackpot.

That’s what happened to this woman with thick curly hair, but when she mentioned her go-to salon at work, things got awkward fast. Her coworkers accused her of crossing some kind of cultural line, and now she’s left wondering if she did something wrong. Scroll down to see what happened next.

At the hair salon that understood her curly hair, her hair finally looked healthy and manageable, but then she suffered backlash from her coworkers

Woman Gets Accused Of ‘Cultural Theft’ After She Finally Finds A Salon That Doesn’t Mutilate Her Curls
not the actual photo

Aita for only going to black salons?

Hi there, this is my first post and this is a throwaway.

I am a 30 year old white woman with thick curly brown hair (3c if you know what that means).

I have always struggled with my hair and was adopted into a family of people with straight hair

who couldn't care for my hair properly, leading to huge knots

and regularly get my hair massacred by scissors to make it short to be easier to deal with.

When I went to uni, I met my best friend who is black and has a similar hair type to me,

and when I noticed my struggle helped me out.

She showed me hair products from brands intended for black people that really helped with my hair quality

and even took me to the salon she went to that catered for black hair types.

My hair has been amazing ever since,

They've been the only people to understand how to care for my hair and make it look nice.

Well onto the actual argument, me and some friends from work went out for dinner,

and we were talking about our hair, and I commented that I go to a salon that specialises in black haircare.

One of the women ( also white) commented that it was inappropriate for me as a white woman

to take advantage of black products and services that should only be used by black people.

When I asked why she said that it's kind of cultural appropriation.

The others there agreed with her and I felt uncomfortable ever since.

I don't know if she is right and if I am in the wrong, I don't even know what I'd do

if it was wrong as I dont want to go back to the salons that butchered my hair before.

Everyone longs to be truly seen and understood, especially in the spaces where they hope to belong. For someone who has spent years struggling with hair that never behaved as expected, finding a salon that genuinely understands textured curls can feel like a profound relief, a quiet kind of rescue.

This desire for acceptance, care, and understanding is something many people share.

In this story, the woman isn’t just deciding where to get her hair done; she’s choosing dignity and self-respect after years of neglect. Her curly 3C hair wasn’t something easy to manage or ignore; it was a source of trauma. When she found stylists who genuinely understood her hair type, she finally felt seen.

The coworker’s reaction that she was “taking advantage” of services meant for Black people didn’t feel like a comment about haircare, but a judgment on her identity and right to belong.

Psychologically speaking, this judgment often isn’t about the other person at all. People frequently make harsh moral judgments when they feel insecure or uncertain about their own beliefs and boundaries.

As explained by mental‑health professionals, judgment tends to come from cognitive shortcuts, personal biases, or as a way to shore up one’s own identity by defining what’s acceptable.

For instance, in an article on judgmental behavior, experts note that criticism and stereotyping often reflect the judger’s insecurities or discomfort with difference, not necessarily anything wrong with the target.

Likewise, the idea of moral “purity” often invoked when people claim someone is “appropriating” has been shown to be a flawed and loosely defined psychological concept. What’s considered “pure” or “appropriate” varies wildly across individuals and cultures; in moral psychology research, purity lacks a consistent definition or cognitive basis.

Applying these ideas to the situation: the coworker’s moralizing is less about protecting a cultural boundary and more about projecting discomfort or uncertainty onto someone else. It’s unlikely that an objective stand on fairness or cultural safeguarding is more likely to be a quick judgment based on assumptions.

With that in mind, the woman’s choice to seek care that works for her is not only reasonable, it’s also compassionate. She isn’t exploiting a culture; she’s honoring her own needs, dignity, and comfort.

Haircare salons that specialize in textured hair exist precisely because many people have been underserved by mainstream beauty services. If someone’s appearance or hair type falls outside narrow norms, they deserve care that works for them, regardless of race.

Perhaps we need less “purity policing” and more empathy, less demand for gatekeeping “who belongs,” and more recognition that sometimes, what matters most is respect, safety, and the dignity of care.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

This group agrees that using black hair salons/products is about hair care, not race

sert965 − NTA, black woman here with 4c hair. You use the products and resources that best suit your needs.

It wouldn't be a black vs white issue if the beauty industry recognized the need

and taught students how to do all types of hair.

GoldenFrog14 − NTA and as a black dude, I really wish white people would stop speaking for us in this manner.

It's not helping in the way they think it is

[Reddit User] − I wonder who would be a better arbiter of whether this was cultural appropriation;

the black women who style your hair, or your goofy white friends? NTA.

snowdude11 − black products and services that should only be used by black people

Your friend is trying so hard to be woke that she is actually r__ist!

Shouldn't she be happy you are supporting a black-owned business and black products? NTA

inthe801 − NTA, people take the "cultural appropriation" thing way too far, and this is a good example.

My wife is black and my kids are mixed race. I can't tell you how many times my son's hair has been butchered

by someone who didn't know how to work with tight curly hair. It's about your hair, not "race".

You're supporting black-owned businesses too.

LeReineNoir − NTA. Your coworkers do not understand what it takes to take care of curly hair,

nor do they understand cultural appropriation.

Cultural appropriation is Rachel Dolezal pretending to be black for years and running her local NAACP.

Cultural appropriation is fashion designers who are not indigenous/Native Peoples using indigenous

or native designs in their fashions without knowing or acknowledging the significance of those designs.

Black hair products were formulated originated for black hair care because for a long time

there were no products that worked well with our hair.

The bonus is it works great for all curly-heads. So continue going to the salon, continue being beautiful,

rock your glorious curls, and thank you for supporting black businesses.

Edit: Well, hey! Thank you kind anonymous Redditor for the gold!

LeReineNoir − NTA. Your coworkers do not understand what it takes to take care of curly hair,

nor do they understand cultural appropriation.

Cultural appropriation is Rachel Dolezal pretending to be black for years and running her local NAACP.

Cultural appropriation is fashion designers who are not indigenous/Native Peoples using indigenous

or native designs in their fashions without knowing or acknowledging the significance of those designs.

Black hair products were formulated originated for black hair care because for a long time

there were no products that worked well with our hair.

The bonus is it works great for all curly-heads. So continue going to the salon, continue being beautiful,

rock your glorious curls, and thank you for supporting black businesses.

Edit: Well, hey! Thank you kind anonymous Redditor for the gold!

DarkRogus − NTA - This is the reason why people laugh at woke people.

Seriously, "cultural appropriation" for going to a black salon and using black hair products that works for your hair.

Here's the thing, I can practically guarantee you that your hair stylist

and the owners of the production don't care that you're white, they care that you're a paying customer.

These commenters stress that cultural appropriation is being misapplied here

StormySands − As a black woman, hearing your story is really alarming for two reasons:

First, it tells me that despite our best efforts white people still have no idea what cultural appropriation actually is.

And secondly, your friends, and probably a lot of other white people,

are actively practicing segregation in 2021 and are framing it as wokeness.

You going to a hair salon run by people who know how to care for your hair is not cultural appropriation at all.

Not even a little bit. Using hair care products designed for your hair type is not cultural appropriation.

The fact that your friends all agree that patronizing black business

as a white person is problematic is very strange to me, NTA.

JustheBean − NTA you can’t appropriate the hair growing out of your head.

It makes perfect sense that you’d have luck at a salon,

because specializing in black hair inherently means having a very good understanding of

how to properly care for many types of curls.

Whereas salons catered towards white women tend to have few,

if any stylists, who know what to do with curly hair, regardless of what race you are.

If the stylists are happy to have you, you are welcome there.

You end up supporting black businesses, so that’s a positive.

But really, black specialty salons weren’t invented to be a special place only for black people,

they exist because they couldn’t get adequate service from white salons.

Peace_Love_HappyHour − NTA! Many non-Black hair salons won't even know what you mean when you say,

3C and start talking about porosity.

Supporting Black-owned business is the opposite of what you're friends are accusing you of. They are idiots!

This group emphasizes that supporting black-owned salons is actually positive allyship

Brickolas75 − NTA - that sounds like a bizarre argument to make, particularly from a white person.

What you're describing is not cultural appropriation.

Cultural appropriation is misuse of a culture's custom(s) for reasons like entertainment, mockery, etc.

You are literally using the products and services as intended.

To suggest that you are r__ist here is actually r__ist, it assumes that black people need protection

from white saviors to enforce some sort of defensive barrier for their products and services.

revmat − NTA. Your friends have no idea what cultural appropriation means.

Patronizing black owned businesses is in fact a good way to be an ally.

Your uni friend is the person you should be paying attention to on this issue.

soophoardingelf − It’s not cultural appropriation to have this hair type,

news flash white people and non black people can have hair types similar or even the same to a lot of black people,

if that salon is welcoming to you and enjoys having you as a customer

these people are harming the black community WORSE by trying to make their decisions for them.

DumbStupidBrokeBitch − NTA. Perhaps I’m a little biased,

but licensed stylists do not need to know how to properly care for and maintain Black hair,

aka kinky curly hair, in order to receive their license.

So going to the stylists that DO already know how to work with your hair type is the logical solution.

It just so happens that the predominant demographic of people with hair like yours are Black.

Don’t listen to their performative allyship, Black stylists know why you go to them.

In the end, hair was never just hair; it was identity, care, and confidence wrapped into one. The OP’s choice reflects years of struggle, not opportunism, and her friends’ objections reveal more about modern debates over performative allyship than actual cultural harm.

Do you think she was in the wrong, or are her friends overreacting to a practical decision? How would you navigate friends who mistake ethics for entitlement? Share your hot takes below!

Annie Nguyen

Annie Nguyen

Hi, I'm Annie Nguyen. I'm a freelance writer and editor for Daily Highlight with experience across lifestyle, wellness, and personal growth publications. Living in San Francisco gives me endless inspiration, from cozy coffee shop corners to weekend hikes along the coast. Thanks for reading!

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