Dad vanishes for months, leaving big sister to shoulder raising her teen sibling – school shuttles, endless overnights, even scouting bigger homes. Now he resurfaces with a condo and demands custody, igniting family fury except from the loyal 16-year-old.
The 28-year-old guardian battles fears of upheaval, unsafe returns, and severed bonds. Online, hearts ache over abandonment’s scars versus legal pulls.
Big sister raises teen sibling for 18 months after dad flees, he returns demanding her back.
Meeting your own family in court over custody is something nobody could think of. And yet, it shall happen to our Redditor, the loving big sister.
At its core, this saga pits parental rights against de facto guardianship. The Redditor stepped up when dad bailed during his separation, handling everything from groceries to 40-mile school commutes.
Dad’s argument “she has to live with her parent” ignores the 18-month reality where big sis became the constant.
Jenna’s clear: she feels safer, thrives academically, and dreads sharing a room with three younger siblings (two boys with anger issues, one nine-year-old, “bratty” as our Redditor would say).
Flip the script, and dad’s side aches too. He likely sees Jenna as a built-in helper for the younger kids, classic parentification trap.
A 2022 Pew Research report found 63% of U.S. teens in multi-sibling homes report frequent caregiving duties; in unstable setups, that jumps to 78%. Dad’s two-bedroom condo fails basic space math: separate rooms by gender and age are standard child-welfare protocol.
Child psychiatrist Christine B. L. Adams, M.D., states in Psychology Today: “I recommend sole custody with the emotionally caregiving parent. This can be either father or mother. I found neither fathers nor mothers predominate as emotional caregivers to their children.”
Another expert, family therapist Ruth Bettelheim, Ph.D., tells The New York Times: “Once children have reached the age of reason, generally agreed to be about 7, they should be recognized as the ultimate experts on their own lives. When they do speak up, their wishes should be honored as stated, not as interpreted by an expert or lawyer.”
Here, Jenna’s two-month silence toward dad screams disengagement, while the Redditor’s daily presence screams attachment.
Neutral playbook? Lawyer up yesterday. Document every dollar spent, every improved report card, every ignored text.
Push for guardianship or custody based on abandonment (four months no visits, two months no calls) and best interest.
Invite dad to rebuild trust: supervised visits, therapy, but prioritize Jenna’s stated needs.
See what others had to share with OP:
Some praise OP as a stable, caring guardian who prioritizes Jenna’s well-being.
Some people urge OP to lawyer up and gather evidence for court.
Others highlight Jenna’s need for safety, privacy, and her own room.
Eighteen months of lunches packed, homework checked, and bedtime chats don’t vanish because dad finally signed a lease. Jenna’s blooming where she’s planted: new school, new house on the horizon, new normal.
Do you think the Redditor’s court battle is a slam-dunk for stability, or should biology get another swing? Would you fight this hard for a sibling, or draw the line at “temporary”? Drop your hot takes!
