Woman Refuses To Forgive Sister-In-Law Who Called Her Stillborn Baby “It,” Family Accuses Her Of Discrimination

Stillbirth robs families of expected joy, compounding physical recovery with profound emotional loss that support networks aim to ease. Tactful words matter immensely in such vulnerability.

A grieving mother, fresh from birthing her motionless daughter, shared memories with in-laws when the 21-year-old sister-in-law interjected painfully. Labeled autistic by her mother without a formal diagnosis, she dismissed relating to other bereaved parents and recoiled at physical contact with the infant.

Scolding followed, but no direct remorse, leading to accusations of alienation. Is autism an automatic shield, or does intent factor in? Keep reading to explore the visit’s fallout and the community’s consensus on compassion versus excuses.

One grieving mother faced fresh agony when her sister-in-law dismissed her stillborn daughter as “it” during a fragile family visit

Grief following stillbirth demands profound sensitivity from family members, as parents process not only emotional devastation but also physical postpartum recovery without a living child.

According to the Star Legacy Foundation, more than 20,000 stillbirths occur annually in the United States. The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG) estimates that stillbirth affects approximately 1 in every 160 to 175 deliveries nationwide.

The sister-in-law’s remarks, questioning grief group relatability and exclaiming disgust at touching the “dead it”, inflicted unnecessary pain, especially undiagnosed and unapologized.

While her mother attributes this to autism, experts clarify that neurodivergence explains social challenges but never excuses harm.

Saul McLeod, PhD, Editor-in-Chief of Simply Psychology, distinguishes: “Autism explains the reasons why certain difficulties arise, but it does not remove personal responsibility for harm caused.” An explanation contextualizes bluntness; an excuse evades amends, as when refusing apologies despite awareness of impact.

Undiagnosed claims complicate matters, often shielding poor upbringing over genuine traits. Autistic adults and advocates echo this: Richard Cross, diagnosed at 49, asserts in The Guardian, autism prompts mortification and learning from errors, not denial.

Psychology Today notes parents must teach accountability, regardless of neurology; failure enables rudeness. Here, the mother-in-law’s defense alienates further, prioritizing her daughter over the grieving couple.

Parents merit boundaries during bereavement. Tommy’s recommends honest communication: “Surround yourself with supportive people who listen… distance yourself from others temporarily.” Star Legacy Foundation urges self-kindness, support groups, and therapy to navigate triggers like insensitive words.

Advice centers protection: Decline unhelpful visits, request direct apologies (or none), and limit contact via low/no-contact if needed.

Partners should align, perhaps messaging family: “We’re healing; space aids us now.” Professional counseling validates motherhood; 32 weeks of gestation confer it fully. Pursue grief groups; holding your daughter honored her life.

This case underscores: Autism demands understanding, not absolution. Bereaved parents protect sacred grief; demanding respect honors both loss and accountability. True support listens without qualifiers.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Redditors insisted autism isn’t a cruel pass, demanding real accountability

Users shared heartfelt autism stories emphasizing kindness and affirmed OP’s motherhood

Commenters blamed poor parenting over autism, urging diagnosis and apologies

Redditors recommended NC/LC until genuine remorse, calling out excuses

This user critiqued MIL’s setup and lack of teaching moments

This mom’s quiet boundary-drawing after soul-shredding words honors her daughter’s memory more than any forced truce ever could. Grief deserves grace, not gaslighting. Would you demand that direct apology before reopening the door, or keep it locked for good?

How do you navigate “family” who twist knives in wounds? Pour out your thoughts below; we’re here with virtual hugs.