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Woman Refuses To Let Daughter Move 1,000 Miles To Live With Her Girlfriend — People Can’t Stop Laughing

by Annie Nguyen
July 22, 2025
in Social Issues

One Reddit mom walked into r/AITA with a plea for help—but she ended up getting roasted instead. In a post that quickly snowballed, the mother of two found herself stunned by her daughter’s sudden plans: dropping out of college, flying to meet a new girlfriend, and—gasp—planning a cross-country move to live with her.

On paper, the daughter seemed to be doing fine—she was employed full-time, paying most of her bills, and seemed genuinely happy. But when she revealed her decision to relocate 1,000+ miles to be with someone she had only known for a few months, the mom flipped the script and firmly said “absolutely not.”

What happened next was a cascade of edits, emotional confessions, and thousands of opinions. Want the juicy details? Dive into the full story below.

Woman Refuses To Let Daughter Move 1,000 Miles To Live With Her Girlfriend — People Can’t Stop Laughing

One woman’s attempt to stop her daughter from moving 1,000 miles to live with her girlfriend sparked a heated family conflict

'Aita For Telling My Daughter She Can’t Move 1,000+ Miles Away To Live With Her Girlfriend?'

A friend at work pointed me to this to get some more advice/points of view on my situation. I (46F) am the mother to two wonderful children, Andrew (16M) and Nicole (21F).

Nicole was very bright as a child and excelled in her classes, and she headed into college with a plan to get a Master’s at least. I never had to worry about her doing well or hitting milestones, but the last few years have been very surprising.

She became a bit withdrawn in her teen years, more so than I realized until now, and after her first year of college she suddenly moved out from a relative’s home and got her own apartment.

Then, after her second year of college (last May) she told me and her father (58M) that she was dropping out and might return in a year, but wasn’t sure, and that she was incredibly stressed and depressed and had been for years. It felt like it was coming out of nowhere.

Last fall she got a full time job and started talking about how she was happy and finally in a good routine and that she loved working. I was glad things were at least going well for her now, but still hoping she’d return to college soon.

One of the biggest recent bombshells she dropped on me though was a month ago when I drove to visit her. We went out for lunch, and we started talking about this friend (25F) of hers.

Eventually, my daughter admitted to me that she was a lesbian, and that she and this girl had been dating since January and that she FLEW TO MEET HER WITHOUT TELLING ME OR HER FATHER!

Mind you, she flew over 1,000 miles to see this girl that she had NEVER MET and had only called and video chatted with for a few months. I was shocked and angry, but all I did was gently scold her for not telling me, but that I’m glad she’s okay and that she had a good time with her girlfriend.

I’m very new to this whole thing with my daughter, as I thought she was interested in men, but I’m willing to support her because I love her. The problem now is that she told me earlier this week that she intends to move within the next year and a half.

She says it may be sooner rather than later because things are changing with her girlfriend’s living situation and she wanted to give me a heads up.

I told her absolutely not, that she can’t move in with someone she’s only been dating for a couple of months, especially not when she’s moving several states away. All of her family is HERE, including me and her father and her brother, and her three living grandparents.

I told her she’s too young and she can’t move that far away from us just for a girl. She told me that regardless of her girlfriend, she’s been wanting to move far away for years and that her girlfriend’s state was on a list of potential places.

She said she loved being there when she visited and can’t wait to go back. She says I’m being unreasonable by asking her to stay and that she hates it here and feels like she “can’t be herself”.. Am I being the a-hole here? I don’t think she’s old enough or mature enough to leave.

As many users asked for more details in the comments, OP later added an edit:

Edit because someone asked- my daughter didn’t ask for money. She almost never asks for money, she’s like her father in that way. She’s almost completely financially independent.

I have her on my health/dental insurance to help her out, my mother pays her monthly phone plan because she insisted on doing something for my daughter, and my daughters grandfather on her father’s side pays her car insurance,

and my daughter goes to her father when she has car troubles because he has a lot of experience with cars. My daughter takes care of all her other needs on her own. Edit- my child’s father is NOT my husband. We never married. We have not been together since she was born.

I would have left him earlier had I not become pregnant. I regret being involved with him because he is why I was introduced and became addicted to drugs. I do not regret my daughter. Please stop calling me a homophobe. I support my daughter. I am just apparently ignorant to some things about being gay.

Edit: I am no longer talking about or answering questions about my addiction. Most of you are making baseless assumptions and disgusting accusations and I won’t entertain them. I tried my best to be a good mother and get clean. That’s that.

I may not have been the best person to have custody of her as a child, but neither was her actively abusive father who stalked, abused, manipulated, and intimidated me the entire time I’ve known him. Edit 3/24- I can’t keep up with the comments.

I’ve also been banned from commenting because I apparently broke a rule. I’m going to try to talk to my daughter about all of this when I see her this weekend. I want to be a part of her life even if I think she’s moving in the wrong direction.

Parenting an adult is a different game—one that this Reddit mom hasn’t quite mastered. It’s understandable that she feels whiplashed by her daughter’s whirlwind romance and sudden move. But Reddit’s verdict is nearly unanimous: she crossed the line from concerned parent into controlling territory.

The poster’s daughter is 21. She’s financially independent, openly queer, and navigating life on her own terms. According to licensed therapist Nedra Glover Tawwab, “Parents must let go of control when their children become adults. You can’t guide someone who isn’t asking for direction.”.

At its heart, this conflict is about autonomy. Experts agree that autonomy is essential for identity formation and psychological growth. Psychology professor Laurence Steinberg of Temple University noted in Psychology Today that “young adults who make independent decisions—even when they make mistakes—tend to be more confident and capable over time”.

What’s also telling is the daughter’s history of withdrawal and mental health struggles. LGBTQ+ youth are statistically more likely to report depression, especially in unaccepting or conservative households. The Trevor Project’s 2023 National Survey reported that 67% of LGBTQ youth felt their home environment was unwelcoming.

In that light, her desire to relocate and finally “be herself” makes even more sense—and mom’s refusal feels more like a reaction to losing control than genuine concern for safety.

Even though the mom claims she’s “supportive,” her behavior reads as emotionally manipulative. Telling an adult child they’re “too young” to make decisions undermines their agency and implies they’re incapable—despite evidence to the contrary.

So, what’s the healthy route? Offer support without strings. Invite the girlfriend to visit. Discuss concerns without ultimatums. Relationships, especially with adult children, thrive when rooted in respect—not fear.

Reddit’s netizens tore into the Redditor, calling her control over Nicole’s move a major misstep

Many users highlighted the daughter’s age and independence

radstarr − YTA. It seems like you don't know much about your daughter's personal life. And that's okay, because she doesn't need to share, she's not a teen living under your roof. The more you b**t in and tell her what she can and can't do as an adult, the less you're going to see her. Have you considered that the reason she wants to leave at all is to get away from the restraints of her hometown and family?

stannenb − I told her absolutely not, that she can’t move in with someone she’s only been dating for a couple of months She's an adult. She absolutely can. YTA.

Others pointed out that living alone and managing finances proves her maturity

AgentAlpo − YTA Your daughter is 21 and already living on her own. She's happy and excited about the direction her life is going. If things don't work out with the girlfriend, it still sounds like she's capable of taking care of herself. INFO: Is the area you live in a fairly conservative area? If you're in the US, is it a red state?

If so, the fact that she's a lesbian was probably why she became withdrawn and did all the things that have surprised you. It's hard being queer in a conservative area, even if she's in a progressive city in a red state. I bet the girlfriend lives in a more progressive location.

Now that she's finally out to you and you've been supportive in general, she feels more confident in her identity. Support her happiness. If moving ends up being a mistake, it's a mistake she has to learn from.

baka-tari − She's 21, so of course she can move. What a ridiculous position to take! she FLEW TO MEET HER WITHOUT TELLING ME OR HER FATHER! And? Your daughter is an adult, I'm pretty sure she's doing all sorts of things on her own without telling her parents.

All of her family is HERE And she, apparently, doesn't want to be here. Hasn't wanted to be here for a long time. Yes, YTA, and only getting more so with your additional protestations.

A large group suggested that the daughter’s history of depression and secrecy might be linked to an unwelcoming home

[Reddit User] − Yta, she’s an adult and she has respected you enough to tell you. It’s a shame that you weren’t close enough to get to see that she was depressed when you thought she was all good but keeping her close won’t make up for that.

RMSQM − Of COURSE YTA. Your daughter is an adult. B**t the f**k out. It sounds like she was depressed because she was hiding her sexuality from you. Live your own life, not hers. By the way, YTA.

Several users sympathized with the mom’s fear but criticized her approach

SaysSaysSaysSays − YTA. Hey look, I get it. Her moving in with someone after a few months is scary. It may not work out. But she’s an adult, and she’s young. Maybe it works out for her, and if it doesn’t, she’ll learn from it. As a parent, you sometimes have to let go and let them figure things out.

The best thing you can do is offer your stance but say that you will always be there for her. Maybe if you offered for her girlfriend to come visit for a bit so you can meet her? That might calm your worries.

BigBigBigTree − she can’t move in with someone she’s only been dating for a couple of months ???? She's 21. She definitely can do that. I told her she’s too young In fact, 21 is not too young to make decisions about where she lives. YTA. You ain't gotta like it, but you do gotta accept that a 21 year old adult has the autonomy to choose where they live and with whom.

Imaginary_Building_4 − YTA, and I fully expect to see you posting in a year or two complaining about how you have no idea why your adult daughter has gone no contact with you. She's an adult she doesn't need your permission to live her life as she pleases.

A few nuanced voices said the mom’s worry is valid—but so is the daughter’s need to grow

[Reddit User] − YTA. You can have an opinion of the matter, but that's all it is - your opinion. I'm not surprised she wants to get away from you - when she says she 'can't be herself' she pretty obviously means that you are way too controlling and intrusive (just as you're being here). Wish her well, tell her you'll always be there for her, invite her and her girlfriend to visit. Don't try and run her life, it will completely backfire on you.

It’s not easy watching your child leap into the unknown—especially when it’s wrapped in love, distance, and identity. But at 21, Nicole isn’t a child anymore. She’s forging her own path, one that may or may not work out, but it’s hers to walk.

Should her mom step back and trust her adult daughter’s choices, or is this just a mother’s natural instinct going too far? Where’s the line between protection and projection? Let us know what you think below.

Annie Nguyen

Annie Nguyen

Hi, I'm Annie Nguyen. I'm a freelance writer and editor for Daily Highlight with experience across lifestyle, wellness, and personal growth publications. Living in San Francisco gives me endless inspiration, from cozy coffee shop corners to weekend hikes along the coast. Thanks for reading!

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