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Woman Refuses To Tell Husband Baby’s Gender After He Skips Appointment

by Layla Bui
November 28, 2025
in Social Issues

Pregnancy is supposed to be an exciting time for couples, but for one woman, her husband’s lack of involvement has left her feeling frustrated and unappreciated.

As they eagerly awaited their baby’s gender reveal appointment, the husband once again chose to skip it, opting for a meal with friends instead. When the wife refused to share the results with him afterward, insisting that he had forfeited his right to know, all hell broke loose.

Now, the husband is furious, and his family is pressuring the wife to “stop playing games” and tell him the gender. But she’s standing firm, unwilling to let him off the hook for his repeated absenteeism. Was she justified in withholding the information, or did she take things too far in her frustration? Read on to find out how this pregnancy drama unfolded.

A woman refuses to reveal her baby’s gender to her husband after he skipped the appointment

Woman Refuses To Tell Husband Baby's Gender After He Skips Appointment
not the actual photo

'AITA for refusing to tell my husband the gender of our baby after he skipped going to the dr appointment with me?'

My husband & I are expecting. This is our first baby and we're excited.

Thing is he barely attends any dr appointments with me and his excuses aren't even valid.

He's willing to miss the dr appointment over soccer or a drink or board game with friends.

His response is always "I'm not the one carrying the baby, why do I have to go see the dr with you?"

Last week was my final straw. He was supposed to come with me for the baby's gender reveal appointment

but he chose to not come last minute because his friend invited him to fish 'n' chips meal.

I was pretty livid but didn't make a fuss about it. Mom went with me instead.

He texted asking me to tell him the results (boy or girl) but I refused to tell him.

He kept spam calling me but I hung up each time.

He came home fuming demanding I tell him the results but I refused and bluntly told him,

since he refused to attend the appointment then he gets no results til after the baby's born and said I was wiling to die on this hill.

He went off calling me spiteful and immature for doing this and punishing him.

He said he's the father and has the right to know. He then called me dramatic since I wasn't alone and mom was with me.

I said he gets no results period.

He's been fuming about it and told his family and they're now pressuring me

to stop playing mind games with him and tell him but I declined. AITA?

EDIT/UPDATE: Hi, so, first of all, wow!!! I did not expect this to blow up.

Sorry, can't answer any comments because of feeling o__rwhelmed...

Um I just wanted to mention that my husband just attempted to contact my dr to get the results.

It didn't go well and we had another argument over it. He couldn't get it since his mom was the one who made the call.

There’s a painful truth many expectant parents feel, which is that pregnancy often brings expectation and hope, but also emotional fragility and a deep need for support.

In this story, the OP clearly expected her husband to share part of that journey. When he skipped the baby’s important gender‑reveal appointment to hang out with friends, she felt seen as less important and deeply hurt. Her decision to withhold the baby’s gender from him until birth was a boundary she set in reaction to feeling neglected and unvalued.

Inside that choice lies grief over lost support, and a quiet demand: show me you care as much as you expect to benefit. Her husband’s repeated absence from appointments, even while friends and hobbies took priority, may feel like emotional abandonment at a time when she needs partnership the most.

By refusing to tell him the result, she’s pointing out that pregnancy is a shared path, or at least it should be.

Psychology backs up how important partner involvement is during pregnancy, both for emotional well‑being and the health of mom and baby.

A study published in BMC Pregnancy and Childbirth found that where women felt supported by their partner, mental stress dropped, anxiety was lower, and mothers felt more empowered.

Another paper shows that partner attendance at prenatal visits, even simple ones, fosters better communication, shared decision‑making, and a sense of unity.

In relationship‑therapy theory, boundaries also serve a protective role when needs go unmet. According to experts at the Gottman Institute, healthy boundaries are not ultimatums; they’re decisions we make to protect our emotional well‑being when another person repeatedly ignores our needs.

Given that, the OP’s refusal to share the gender can be read not as pettiness but as a clear boundary. She isn’t demanding that her husband suddenly become perfect; she’s saying: if you truly want to be part of this together, show up. Otherwise, I won’t treat your absence lightly.

That said, it’s a rocky path. This boundary may protect her right now, but unless it’s followed by honest conversation, it might create lasting distance. Her husband may feel punished rather than encouraged to change. Trust can fray when secrets are used as leverage.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

These commenters were firm in saying that the partner is showing signs of being an absentee father

Annii84 − NTA. Already a deadbeat dad before the baby is even born.

dirtypig796 − If he’s telling you “I’m not carrying the baby why do I have to go to the doctor with you?”

that’s going to turn into “I didn’t push out that baby, why should I look after it!” Reeeealll quick. Edit- NTA.

Greyeyedqueen7 − NTA. My ex pulled this with our second child, and I caved and told him. I shouldn't have.

You need to seriously reconsider this relationship. He's showing you that he and his friends are more important than you and the baby.

He sees going to appointments with you as punishment, not as a chance to make sure you and the baby are healthy.

Don't be like me and stay until he leaves you for another woman.

This group pointed out that the partner’s refusal to attend the doctor’s appointment shows a lack of responsibility

Wooden_Albatross_832 − NTA… absentee father already. Kid is never going to be a priority for daddy

Big-Skrrrt − He's litterally prioritising fish n chips over his unborn baby. Is this really who you want to raise a child with?

Educational-Good-652 − NTA Unless you booked a separate scan it's not actually a gender reveal appointment,

it's an anomaly appointment, where they look for things that might potentially be wrong with your baby.

Gender is bottom of their list of priorities at that appointment. Which makes him 100% the AH.

These Redditors emphasized that the scan is about the baby’s health, not just gender, and criticized the partner’s selfishness

NannyOggsKnickers − NTA. And also I really do wish that people (partners, family of both parties, extended friend groups etc)

realised one very important thing about these scans: Finding out the gender (if you want to know) is a happy bonus.

It is NOT the point of the actual scan. The point of the scan is to find out if the baby is healthy and growing well!

It's to confirm they have a heartbeat, that they have the appropriate limbs and organs,

that their skull has grown over the brain, that there are no signs of a serious medical condition that is incompatible with life,

and that there's nothing wrong with the placenta or anything that could cost you YOUR life.

Every day people go into these scans and get the worst news possible.

And so many people dismiss that aspect because they're focused on what genitals the baby has.

Maybe instead of focusing on what the baby has between their legs, your partner should be grateful

that he didn't get a phone call from you sobbing in a waiting room going "There's something terribly wrong".

If he had I doubt the fish and chips would have tasted quite so good afterwards.

[Reddit User] − "I'm not the one carrying that baby why should I be there? " and then suddenly "I'm the father I have the right to know!" Oh

NOW you want to be a daddy huh? I would laugh if this didn't infuriate me

as a father/husband who was present for every single appointment my wife went to for all three of our children.

If he wants to be present at the birth tell him "You're not the one delivering the baby, why should you have to be there?"

What a tool. NTA. ETA: Wow thanks for the award!

ashleighbuck − NTA. And if he's this selfish with his time now, I can only imagine how he'll be after baby is born.

These users warned that this pattern of selfishness would likely persist after the birth

likeahike − NTA and why are you with this guy exactly? Sounds like a real winner. You do realise you're going to be a single parent, right?

He's not bonding with the child and I doubt he will pull his weight after the birth.

So if you can't count on him now, then when? You might as well be single.

radical-hysterectomy − NTA He's missing appointments without a valid reason, tells you that he doesn't need to attend

because he isn't carrying the baby, then demands to know something he could've found out

if he attended the appointment instead of bailing and going to hang out with his friends. Your husband sounds like a bit of a loser tbh.

cubsgirl101 − NTA. If attending checkups on the health of his wife and unborn child isn’t important to him,

then why should he get to know the s__ of the baby?

This commenter went a step further

eleanor-rigby- − NTA but babe. This is the man you decided to have a child with?

I can tell you with certainty that he will be an absent father at best.

You would do well just to leave him, he is absolutely horrible to you and will be to your child as well.

What do you think? Should the wife have been more understanding, or is her reaction valid considering his repeated negligence? Share your thoughts below!

Layla Bui

Layla Bui

Hi, I’m Layla Bui. I’m a lifestyle and culture writer for Daily Highlight. Living in Los Angeles gives me endless energy and stories to share. I believe words have the power to question the world around us. Through my writing, I explore themes of wellness, belonging, and social pressure, the quiet struggles that shape so many of our lives.

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