Woman Shocked When SIL Washes “Perfectly Clean” Baby Items, Internet Says She Missed The Point

Helping out first-time parents can be tricky, sometimes, even good intentions can sound like criticism.

One mom thought she was doing her pregnant sister-in-law a favor by gifting her gently used baby gear, from swings to clothes. But the tension began the moment the washing machine started.

When the mom-to-be began cleaning everything “just in case,” the giver took it personally. To her, it wasn’t about cleanliness, it felt like judgment. But to her sister-in-law, it was simply nesting instinct and preparation.

The conversation that followed turned from baby laundry to bruised egos faster than anyone expected.

This story highlights a contrast between two well-intentioned family members trying to prepare for a new baby.

The sister-in-law (SIL), expecting her first child, began diligently washing a wide array of baby items passed down from her sibling.

The older sibling, with three kids of their own, challenged the laundry strategy, arguing that washing everything is unnecessary, points out that the items came from a clean household, and suggests the new mother instead enjoy her final weeks rather than spend them on repetitive washing.

In short: the SIL is acting from a place of cautious preparation, believing sterilising and washing everything helps protect the newborn.

The sibling is motivated by efficiency and lived experience, thinking the workload is excessive and undermines the purpose of rest before baby arrives.

Each is acting with love, but their values clash: one prioritises hyper-clean readiness, the other prioritises practicality and comfort.

Looking at broader context: this connects to how new parents feel about “nesting” and control before birth. Many expectant parents report elevated anxiety and strong impulses to clean and organise, some of which can become overwhelming.

At the same time, experts suggest that preparation is helpful up to a point, but obsession around cleanliness can detract from emotional rest and reconnecting.

For example, although there is no strict rule that everything must be washed, dermatologists note that babies’ sensitive skin may react better if new garments and linens are pre-washed.

According to Dr Soniya Mehra (pediatrician at Bayside Medical Group at Stanford Medicine Children’s Health) “Infants tend to be sensitive … you also don’t know what germs or chemicals the clothes were exposed to before you bought them.”

Her insight applies here, the SIL’s desire to wash everything is rooted in valid concerns about chemical residue or allergens on baby items, even if they look clean.

The sibling’s position, emphasising practicality, is also valid, lived experience suggests not all items require exhaustive washing and that mental rest matters for expectant parents.

If I were advising the sibling, I’d suggest a middle way: invite the SIL into a calm conversation acknowledging her caution and reminding her of her own comfort and energy before the baby arrives.

For example, “I appreciate how much you want everything clean for the baby, I’ll help you pick which items to prioritise washing so you don’t end up exhausted before the birth.”

Then propose a plan, perhaps wash a set of the most critical items (clothes, blankets, pacifiers) and pause on the rest until after the baby is born and you both see what’s truly needed.

Encourage them to decide together, and avoid saying “you’re doing it wrong” or predicting she’ll regret it, because that tends to shut down communication.

Here are the comments of Reddit users:

These commenters agreed that the OP massively overreacted.

They reminded her that washing donated clothes, especially for newborns, is completely normal and often part of “nesting”.

This group criticized OP’s lack of empathy, saying her comments dripped with judgment and superiority.

These users called out OP’s defensiveness in the comment section, saying she seemed more interested in being “right” than reflecting.

Others speculated that the SIL’s cleaning might stem from anxiety or OCD tendencies, and that the OP’s harsh comments likely made her feel worse.

This family spat revealed how quickly good intentions can turn into bruised egos. Most readers sympathized with the expecting couple, pointing out that preparing for a baby often means reclaiming a sense of control through cleaning.

Was the OP’s frustration about hygiene or hurt pride? Do you think her advice came from experience or entitlement? Share where you stand on this clash between help and humility below!