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Woman Starts Counting Calories, Then Becomes Convinced Her Boyfriend Will Leave Her For Someone Skinnier

by Layla Bui
May 23, 2026
in Social Issues

Many people assume weight loss is only a physical process, but the emotional side of it can sometimes be even more difficult. Small fluctuations, unrealistic expectations, and constant comparison can quickly turn healthy habits into a source of stress and insecurity.

A 23-year-old man recently opened up about his growing concern after his girlfriend began a strict dieting routine that appears to be affecting her mental health.

What started as meal planning, exercise, and calorie counting has slowly turned into emotional breakdowns over tiny weight changes and increasingly harsh comments about herself. As he tries to reassure and support her, he is also struggling to understand how to help without making things worse.

A worried boyfriend watches his girlfriend spiral emotionally after starting an extreme diet routine

Woman Starts Counting Calories, Then Becomes Convinced Her Boyfriend Will Leave Her For Someone Skinnier
not the actual photo

'My (23M) girlfriend’s (22F) diet is making her crazy. How to do I reason with her?'

I’ll just get right to it. About 2 and a half weeks ago, my girlfriend decided that she wanted to lose weight.

I have no idea how much (she won’t tell me her start weight or any of her goals), but I’m guessing it’s in the realm of 20-25 pounds.

It’s no secret to me that she’s overweight, but I like her the way she is and this is the only way that I’ve ever known her.

Anyway, she signed up for that Noom program, which is basically an app for counting calories from what I understand.

She eats a strict 1200 calories per day and drinks almost a gallon of water every day.

In some ways it’s been good because I get a lot of home-cooked healthy dinners, but that’s beside the point.

We’ve also started going on long walks (1+ miles) every other night or so, and she picked up some yoga off YouTube.

The problem is, since beginning her diet, her self esteem has spiraled out of control.

She wakes up every morning and weighs herself and then tells me that she “doesn’t deserve food today

because I gained .2 pounds overnight,” “eating is overrated,” “why don’t you break up with me for someone pretty,” stuff like that.

This morning, she texted me to say that she’s been waking up an extra 30ish minutes early before work so that she has time to get back in bed

and cry after weighing herself so she doesn’t burst into tears at her desk “again.” It’s nuts.

I’ve done a bunch of research and even met with a dietitian (a friend of mine) on her behalf,

and I’ve learned more than I probably needed to about women and hormones and how birth control affects weight loss and all that nonsense,

but she won’t listen to me when I try to reason with her.

I just want to tell her that her body is in shock from the sudden adjustment in her eating habits and she needs to tough it out for 6 weeks.

She doesn’t want to hear it, she’s too busy crying over a quarter of a pound and swearing up and down

that she’s doomed to be ugly forever and I’m going to leave her for a “skinny legend.” I love her, I really do. How do I reason with her?

Last edit: I have been trying to reply to almost all the comments as they come in, and I know I didn’t get all of them,

but I really do appreciate all of the insight that everyone has offered, except of course for people like my friends

who are featured in the first two edits for suggesting that I break up with my girlfriend… But that’s beside the point.

I think I have a good idea of the next steps that I should take as a supportive boyfriend to encourage her to get the help that she needs,

and I’m hoping to be able to update you all on this soon. The only thing I haven’t enjoyed about this experience is the fact

that this account that I just made this morning now has three times as much karma as my main. Thanks again

Change often isn’t just physical, it’s emotional. People who pursue weight loss don’t only battle calories and steps. They wrestle with self‑worth, fear, and the feeling that their value depends on a number on a scale.

In this story, the girlfriend isn’t simply counting calories, she’s tying her entire sense of desirability and worth to her weight. That emotional weighting is the real struggle here, and it’s something many people, maybe even most, have felt in some form.

At the heart of this dynamic is anxiety about change, control, and acceptance. The girlfriend’s strict regimen isn’t just about health goals, it’s a protective strategy against insecurity. Every morning’s scale reading becomes a judgment day, triggering distress and self‑criticism instead of reassurance.

This reflects a broader psychological pattern: when self‑esteem is fragile, progress feels dangerously tied to perfect outcomes. Meanwhile, the partner wants to help, but logic isn’t soothing emotions. Compassion feels pointless when negative self‑talk has become louder and more convincing than love and support.

Experts in psychology and mental health note that dieting can trigger serious emotional consequences. Research shows that restrictive diets often increase anxiety, depression, and obsessive thinking about food and weight, tying body image to self‑worth in harmful ways.

According to the Psychology Today article “Why Dieting Is Bad for Your Mental Health,” dieting can create cycles of self‑blame, shame, and worsening body dissatisfaction, especially when weight fluctuates or results don’t meet expectations.

Another study published in BMJ Nutrition, Prevention & Health found people on low‑calorie diets were more likely to report depressive symptoms than those not dieting, highlighting that calorie restriction itself can affect mood and psychological well‑being. These sources support the idea that the emotional toll of dieting often outweighs simple physiological changes.

Understanding these dynamics reframes what’s happening: the girlfriend’s distress isn’t just stubbornness or melodrama. It’s an emotional response amplified by restriction, negative self‑talk, and fear of not being accepted. Her brain is reacting to stress and perceived “failure,” not just weight loss attempts.

This insight doesn’t mean abandoning her goals. It means reshaping how they approach them together. Encouraging her to shift focus from a strict calorie count to mental health, self‑acceptance, and sustainable habits could ease the pressure.

Suggest celebrating non‑scale victories, developing body‑neutral language, and seeking support from a therapist or counselor skilled in body image and emotional regulation. Helping her find worth outside the scale can reduce distress, strengthen trust, and build a healthier relationship with both food and self‑perception.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

These Redditors warned she was showing clear signs of an eating disorder spiral

gonetodublin − When my anorexia was at its worst I called in sick to work multiple times because I gained 0.2lbs and I couldn’t get out of bed.

She will most definitely resist help if she feels like she hasn’t lost enough weight yet.

I would strongly recommend getting her therapy and reassuring her that it’s okay to eat and you’re attracted to her exactly as she is.

PiezoelectricityFew6 − Sounds like she's spiraling into an eating disorder. Get her into therapy.

I started an eating disorder at 12 my parents didn't really care or get me into any type of help until I nearly died at 17, and now I'm 32...

Even during pregnancy I was depressed with my weight.

The first thing that needs to happen is remove all scales from the house. She will continue living by that number and obsessing about it.

The sooner she gets therapy the Better. Hopefully she can get help before she spirals too much. Also if she continues this you can not enable her.

The best thing that ever happened was I lost all my friends as they said they weren't going to watch me k__l myself anymore.

It made me really think about my priorities. I got back into therapy and learned how to be okay.

You need to tell her she needs therapy or you can not continue this relationship and watch her destroy herself.

It will be hard but I'm sure she doesn't want to lose someone that loves her and who she loves.

MossyTundra − This sounds a lot like how I was as I went into an eating disorder. You need to get her help like YESTERDAY.

CaptainPotatoFace − I'm really late to reply to this so I'm sure it'll just get buried by all the other comments but I still wanted to say something.

I've been where your girlfriend is, hell, that's been my daily life ever since my teenage years. Her diet is not the thing that's "making her crazy".

It sounds like she has pre-existing self esteem issues and it's been piling up in her mind which is why she's decided to act on it recently and

because she's so focused on it right now, that's probably why she's having more and more emotional reactions.

Balancing self esteem with weight loss and a healthy lifestyle can be really hard for a lot of people.

On the one hand you know you should eat healthy and move more and making positive changes is awesome

but sometimes this can take a long time to have any noticeable effect and so she may think that it's not working.

Having been overweight most of my life, I know the kind of pressure that exists to look a certain way and how much it can hurt knowing

that you'll never be as beautiful as every slim girl you see (that's certainly how it has felt to me, I'm not stating that this is factually correct).

So there's a certain pressure to lose weight quickly so that you can be more like the beautiful women that society tells us to emulate

but there's also a huge pressure to be happy the way you are and not want to change anything.

These two ideals tend to clash and it can be really hard knowing which to listen to.

Everyone knows that eating disorders are unhealthy and how could anyone possibly be foolish enough to go down that road

but what's rarely talked about is the fact that people with these disorders don't care how unhealthy it is

because they don't value themselves as worth looking after.

They don't care that is bad for them because they are not deserving to be taken care of.

They have let themselves down by letting themselves get overweight (not even necessarily overweight, just a weight that they are not happy with)

so they deserve to be punished until they can achieve a weight that they are happier with.

Obviously this is all b__lshit but it's the kind of b__lshit that permeates your thoughts and makes you genuinely believe it

when you have such serious self esteem issues.

In terms of her diet, it doesn't sound too extreme but it does sound like it's probably the wrong thing for her, personally.

Daily weighing works fine for some people because they like to be aware and keep track of what their body is doing

BUT it can be a gateway into eating disorders for many people because they can't see past the number on the scales.

It sounds like she's in the latter category.

Before you start suggesting other diets/lifestyles I think you really need to focus on her self esteem issues.

You might be able to help by making sure to complement her and telling her all the things you love about her body and reinforce this by saying it regularly.

Depending on how deep her issues go though, she may need more help than you can provide.

She might need to speak to a therapist or maybe even just do some research into it by herself.

By all means encourage healthy habits for the two of you like regular walks

and healthy meals but don't focus too much on it as it may make her issues worse.

I'm sorry I don't have any more advice, I just wanted to share my perspective as someone

who has dealt with the same issues for all of my adult life and am still working to overcome it.

This group criticized Noom and daily weigh-ins for fueling unhealthy obsessions

saltiestteacher − I was on Noom for a few months. It wants you to weigh yourself daily the moment you get out of bed.

They have daily articles they want you to read. It counts calories for you, is a pedometer, and can also track calories you’ve burned based on activity.

I ended up quitting because I felt like my life was revolving around food.

I was obsessed with food and calories and constantly hungry. Weighing myself daily was also a challenge

because every single weight difference was recorded on the app as well and made me feel like s__t when I went up or plateaued.

Maybe encourage her to just eat healthy and not count every calorie. Tell her you like the meals she has been making.

She could just weigh in once a week instead of daily. She’ll need your support in this because it very much can lead to an eating disorder.

Altostratus − I tried Noom. It is pretty sneaky. All their advertising is along the lines of "This is not a restrictive diet! It's all about psychology. "

But that's a lie. It's counting calories, weighing yourself, with a few cheesy pep talks in between. This is really tough.

Dieting can quickly lead to disordered eating and plummeting self esteem for some people.

It sounds like your reasoning tactics are sort of in the direction of science about dieting.

I think it might be helpful instead to focus on how you are worried about her mental health, how it breaks your heart for her to talk about herself that...

Unfortunately, as with other medical conditions or mental health concerns, someone can only change if they want to.

friendlysmokerooski − She needs to stop weighing herself daily.

Water weight alone, especially if she is drinking that much, is undoubtedly contributing to the weight swings.

Have her try every Friday or once a week. Everything else that she’s doing seems reasonable (in terms of diet and exercise).

I’d give her a ton of reinforcement and do your best to be supportive and encouraging.

COVID, hormones, and maybe other stuff could all be contributing to her lack of self esteem and her resulting depressive behavior.

These commenters strongly encouraged therapy and emotional support before things worsen

pea_sleeve − Hello, I am a therapist. On the topic of how to suggest therapy for someone (and I do think it would help her),

I would recommend that you start with your observations, express your concerns, invite her thoughts, and then let her know that you want her to feel better.

How you go about it depends on your personal communication style as well as how you communicate in the relationship

- you need to be authentic. But an example would be: I noticed that you seem so stressed since you started Noom.

You told me you are crying every morning and you always seem worried about your calories and changes in your daily weight.

It hurts to see you in pain and not enjoying things because of this weight loss plan. I wonder what you think about it all?

Do you think Noom is working for you? Are you ok with this stress level?

(listen to what she says - validate it as best you can) I feel like this is more than just the normal stress of trying to lose weight.

I know a lot of people say therapy helps (even better if you've been and can say it helped you or cite a specific person you know),

would you be willing to go to therapy about some of these anxieties and how sad you are feeling?

I suggest you allow several days for her to think about this, even if she says no at first, don't push the subject.

If she does refuse and things worsen, I would bring it up again in a calm time and explain how it's affecting you personally

"I feel tense and worried for how you're going to react to things, I can't enjoy our time together etc"

Ask how long she's willing to feel this way and be more firm that you expect her to do something to take care of herself and your relationship.

Don't make threats but let her know that you can't live this way long term and need for something to change.

Suggest therapy again, be loving, etc. Good luck. You seem very caring and thoughtful and that makes a big difference.

It's wonderful you compliment her and tell her she looks great to you.

Don't stop, but do know that that alone can't change how she feels. She needs to work on her self esteem and self worth, and that comes from within.

Smellie305 − This is a tough one, and I'm sure many people have been in your spot and her spot before.

There may be some good resources online that could help, or maybe even some books about these types of situations.

Sounds like your girlfriend has some serious self-esteem issues that need to be worked through.

The worry is that if she continues this way, it could turn into an unhealthy eating disorder

because if she doesn't view herself in a positive way even now, it may remain that way even when she becomes slimmer.

Have you guys talked about or has she brought up therapy? Perhaps your dietician friend knows of therapists that specialize in eating disorders?

Therapy, for many reasons, has always helped me so I strongly suggest it! It may also help your girlfriend see herself in a more healthy way,

so that this journey of hers is a positive and healthy one rather than an unhealthy and negative one.

Something else you could remind her of is that if she's eating healthy and working out,

she could be gaining muscle so she may tone out and look slimmer, but not lose weight or even gain weight.

Rather than her weighing herself as a measure to see if she's lost weight, perhaps suggest a certain outfit she can have as a goal outfit...

you know like maybe some jeans that are a bit tight right now and every once in a while she can try them on

and see how they fit to determine if she's lost inches. That's how I do it!

I also suggest she either throw away the scale or wait until she feels confident enough that she won't cry regardless of her weight

before she weighs herself again. Those are my tips. Hopefully they help to some degree!

acid-vogue − I identify a lot with basically everything you’ve said about your girlfriend so I’ve got a novel for you.

First up, you’re absolutely right that major diet changes need to be discussed with a health professional - especially for women.

As I’m sure your dietician told you there are a litany of reasons why f__king with your vitamin and mineral intake can wreck havoc

on your mental and physical health. For example low iron can cause irritability, fatigue, dizziness etc.

This is particularly problematic during menstrual cycles due to the loss of blood. B12 is another vitamin that is commonly missed and affects mood.

The trick is to steer her away from the strict calorie thing, and work towards a macro based diet instead.

It’s much more flexible, health orientated and works really well! For example I was miserable on a high protein and fat but low carb diet.

I switched to high carb and protein and low fat diet and it’s like I’m barely even “dieting”.

I feel satisfied with my meals and not like I’m missing out on much at all. Next is to get rid of the scales and set other goals.

If she is more rewarded by aesthetic changes then it needs to change from a number on the scales to maybe getting some muscle definition in her arms.

If she is achievement driven then setting workout goals like jogging non stop for 2 miles.

It’s about finding what’s a positive drive for her, instead of the negative drive she has now.

If she’s anything like me she’s thinking there’s something wrong with her and this is a punishment to make her valuable.

It’s that line of thinking that needs to change.

It needs to be “I deserve to feel happy and healthy”, and feel rewarded by my efforts.

I agree with others she may need to see a therapist if it is erring on the side of an eating disorder.

Either way she should absolutely be getting a consult with her doctor.

But she’s also deeply insecure if she’s latching onto these ideas of you leaving her for someone “better”.

This is where you need to show her through actions that you love her and only her.

Maybe skip hanging out with friends to set up an intimate date night with her.

Or while you’re out with friends let her know how hot she looks and how happy you are to have her.

My partner and I say all the time things like “I’m so happy to have you all to myself! Your MY human” and other grossly cute coupley stuff like that.

It reassures each other that we want the other and we chose and are continuing to choose each other, and not letting go any time soon.

It’s a tough one my friend, and I know how hard it is to watch someone you love twist themselves up inside like this.

At the end of the day your help and support might just not be enough and that’s ok. You’re not her doctor or trainer or therapist, you’re her boyfriend.

The minute you start to feel like any of those things is when you need to hand over to the professionals. I really wish you two the absolute best of...

These users explained that weight naturally fluctuates and scales can be misleading

zombiemeatballsamich − Did she have something traumatic happen that would cause her to do this abrupt change?

Even just a comment that was said? Your weight adjusts by 2 pounds everyday. She may gain some due to gaining muscle but still slim down.

When I lose weight, it’ll drop then go up then drop even more then go up then drop even more than before.

That’s usually how it works. She needs to weigh herself once a week, not everyday.

Her body is probably burning through the sugars and carbs that were stored. Bring her to the dietician and take that darn scale away.

Scales don’t measure our self-worth but she’s acting like it is.

WhelveLady − Tell her to use a measuring tape instead of a scale. I know rhats not helping her mentally but in the end, scales are not great.

She should see a therapist to help her mentally. You can also tell her/show her how much you like her physique.

Curious-Duck − Show her people's graphs from myfitness pal app about how you lose weight.

It isn't linear, it goes up and down due to things like water retention and hormones, but as long as the trend is going down over time, it's all good!

!! I've gone up as much as 5 lbs in 1 day and then lost it all plus more in a day and a half eating at 1300.

She definitely needs to talk to a therapist, but I also think she should learn more about other people's experiences and how EVERYONE goes up and down.

These commenters reminded him that healthy weight loss is gradual and never perfectly linear

[Reddit User] − Going from overweight to 1200kcal a day isn't easy, it is a big lifestyle change and she will probably eventually

have days with bad eating, especially after party nights. She gotta be aware it is a marathon, not a sprint, and it is okay to stumble.

On top of that losing weight isn't linear, sometimes it stagnates, sometimes you get bloated and heavier due to more water in your system.

What you could do is try to find some good educational videos online regarding losing weight.

I recommend Jordan Syatt on youtube. Losing weight is simple, just be in calorie deficit, but it is in no way easy!

These Redditors stressed that support and encouragement matter more than strict calorie tracking

theroseprevails − Her unhappiness and crazy anxiety may be temporary.

Background: I am a curvy girl with pretty baller self confidence who recently realized I needed to lose some weight.

I had gained about 20lbs in 2 years and decided I wanted to shed about 25. I did so gradually over the past 6 months and feel great.

I hadn't really cared about my weight and so when I finally started making an effort I felt awful.

I felt guilty for every extra snack, extremely self aware of my excess pooge.

I also weighed myself every day and was very focused on calorie counting. It was unpleasant but didn't spiral out of control for several reasons.

- My partner was extremely supportive. He never pushed me but rather would ask if I had dietary requirements for that day.

He showered me with compliments and told me hope proud he was with me sticking with it.

If I had a cheat snack he didn't judge, would say he's glad I'm taking care of myself. - I made myself very manageable goals of about 1lb a week.

It's not about speed but sustainability.

It took a while and there were plateaus but I'm still loosing weight now even after achieving my goal and no longer counting

because I made good habits. - I used an app where you gain back calories for exercising (not sure if NOOM does this).

I knew if I wanted to eat more I would need to go for a walk or something.

I HATED exercise before so I started small (20 mins/ day) and eventually found out that cycling was really good for me.

If this really spirals out of control I agree therapy may be needed but speaking from experience, the first month or so SUCKS.

It takes a while to get comfortable with your body again.

What do you think? Share your thoughts in the comments below!

Layla Bui

Layla Bui

Hi, I’m Layla Bui. I’m a lifestyle and culture writer for Daily Highlight. Living in Los Angeles gives me endless energy and stories to share. I believe words have the power to question the world around us. Through my writing, I explore themes of wellness, belonging, and social pressure, the quiet struggles that shape so many of our lives.

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