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Woman Tells Husband He’s Too Broke To Demand Traditional Gender Roles

by Layla Bui
December 22, 2025
in Social Issues

It’s one thing to disagree behind closed doors. It’s another to be publicly judged in your own home. For this woman, a long workday ended with her husband refusing to cook, his mother lecturing her about “womanly duties,” and her partner backing those words instead of her.

In a moment of anger, she said something she can’t take back, especially not in front of their kids. Now guilt, resentment, and family pressure are all colliding at once. Was her response an unfair low blow or the result of being pushed past her limit? Read on to see why opinions are sharply divided.

A woman snaps after her husband sides with his parents’ sexist views during dinner

Woman Tells Husband He’s Too Broke To Demand Traditional Gender Roles
not the actual photo

'AITA for telling my husband he's too broke to be so sexist?'

So my husband comes from a 'traditional' family.

Mum's a SAHM, father was sole provider.

I come from the opposite, my mother pretty much forbade

from ever being financially dependent on a man and drilled that into me early on.

My husband worked hard to unlearn the values he saw replicated at home.

He (often more than) pulled his weight at home, was an engaged and present father and a genuine partner.

The one thing that grinds my gears is how much weight he puts on the opinions of his family.

I get that we all want our parents to be proud of us, but this is too much.

My ILs are staying with us for 2 weeks. Our usual MO is, I prep breakfast,

we all eat lunch at work/school, and my husband makes dinner.

We have a cleaner, but she's on holiday so in the meantime we're DIYing the cleaning

where it's down to everyone to keep their space clean and common spaces we all clean.

This is how we've always done it, and it works.

My ILs hate that I'm 'one of those modern women'.

They hate that I work, they hate that I don't find my purpose in being a wife and mother

and they hate that my husband pulls his weight at home.

We spoke pretty frankly early on, where I established my boundaries

and told them I won't be chastised about how I live my life in my home.

When I am a guest in their home, I accommodate their ways and play the DIL they wish I was.

They have for the most part respected this.

I got home yesterday after work tired and starving. I typically get home 1815/30 and we eat at 1900.

I said quick hellos and ran up for a pre-dinner shower.

When I came down, I went to the kitchen to help set up for dinner and found nothing ready.

I asked my husband about it but he wouldn't look at me and his mother answered that he hadn't cooked anything.

She told me I needed to do my duty as a wife and cook for my family.

My c__ard of a husband still wasn't looking at me. I just walked away and ordered takeaway.

I dished up for me and my kids and we sat at the table to eat.

My husband and his parents served themselves and joined us.

My MIL was still going on about what was wrong with me and why I was a failure.

I asked my husband if he had anything to say.

He said his mother had a point and it wouldn't hurt if I acted 'more like a proper woman'

and 'took better care of my home and children'.

He said tradition was tradition for a reason and it was kind of insulting

that I thought I was too good for how he was raised.

This is where I might be the a__hole.

I told him tradition won't allow a man on 35k to support a family of 5 and he was too broke to be so sexist.

He looked hurt and I saw tears welling in his eyes. He excused himself from the table.

I regret saying this in front of our children, but him saying that to me

after I'm busting my ass to clean up his mess on top of having to deal with his parents was too much for me. AITA.

There is a specific kind of hurt that comes from being undermined in your own home. Not by strangers, but by the person who is supposed to be your partner.

When exhaustion meets public disrespect, especially in front of children, the pain cuts deeper than anger. It feels like betrayal layered on top of already carrying too much.

This conflict was never about dinner. It was about loyalty and silence. For years, this couple built a shared system that worked for them both. They divided labor realistically, contributed financially together, and consciously rejected rigid gender roles.

That is why this moment landed so hard. When his parents challenged that balance, the husband didn’t just freeze. He withdrew his support and then aligned himself against his wife.

By agreeing that she wasn’t a “proper woman,” he publicly erased the work she does both inside and outside the home. Her remark about his income wasn’t a calculated insult. It was an emotional snapback after being demeaned and abandoned in real time.

A perspective that often goes unnoticed is how strongly adults regress under parental pressure. Psychologists have long observed that when parents with rigid values enter an adult child’s space, old dynamics resurface.

In that moment, the husband wasn’t speaking as an equal partner. He was acting as a son seeking approval. Unfortunately, he did so at his wife’s expense.

Her comment stung because it exposed the contradiction in his argument: demanding a “traditional” wife while lacking the financial structure that tradition depends on.

Research supports why this exchange escalated so quickly. Relationship expert Dr. John Gottman, frequently cited by Psychology Today, identifies contempt and public criticism as two of the most destructive forces in a marriage.

When a partner sides with others against their spouse, especially in front of children, it creates emotional insecurity and long-term damage to trust.

Additionally, Verywell Mind explains that financial stress combined with mismatched gender expectations significantly increases relationship conflict.

When one partner’s labor, paid or unpaid, is dismissed or minimized, resentment escalates rapidly, particularly under family or cultural pressure.

Viewed through this lens, her reaction becomes understandable, even if imperfect. Yes, the words were sharp. Yes, saying them in front of the children matters and deserves reflection.

But they did not occur in isolation. They followed sustained provocation, silence from her partner, and direct attacks on her worth as a woman and mother.

So, boundaries without enforcement don’t survive pressure. Apologies may be needed for how things were said, but accountability here is not equal. A marriage cannot function if one partner is expected to absorb humiliation to keep peace with in-laws.

Tradition should never be used as a weapon to erase contributions. Partnership means standing up when it’s uncomfortable, not disappearing when approval is on the line.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

These commenters felt the husband invited public accountability and deserved the blunt reality check

WhyCommentQueasy − Sucks the kids were there for it but he deserved worse.

NTA should have ordered only enough food for you and the kids.

judgeeveryonesbiznes − NTA - I get you want to tpresent a united front to the kids

but he said that about you in front of them and that is not an idea you want taking root in your children's minds.

He was banking on you bowing to peer/family pressure to get away

with this disrespect of you and your families normal way of division of labor.

He gambled and lost on that and I am really proud that you did not bow down just

because his parents were there or that the kids were in the room.

Too many people let things like this slide so as not to upset the apple cart. This is all on him.

He decided it was better for him and easier for him risk your feelings than stand up to his parents.

He chose to upset you versus upsetting his mother.

I honestly would not have let them have any of the take out food.

I would have probably taken my kids and left to have dinner with just me and the kids.

loverlyone − Well played. What else could you do? Your husband shamed you

and he did it knowing HIS children were watching. ”Tradition is tradition for a reason. ”

What crust! There are people who still think the earth is flat. Doesn’t make them right. NTA

This group stressed the husband’s failure to defend OP and urged firm boundaries with in-laws

owls_and_cardinals − NTA. Your husband was indeed a c__ard.

He has been a willing participant in your marriage all along

and has gamely contributed to the agreement you have that works for you both.

It was incredibly hurtful of him to not uphold his own decisions nor defend his wonderful partner of a wife to his parents.

When the s__t hit the fan, he failed to hold up, and that's a really sad realization for you.

What you said might have been hurtful and cutting, but it was the truth,

and only came out because he said-also in front of your children-

that you weren't a proper woman and didn't take adequate care of your home and children.

Frankly, he needed to hear it! How can he think you should be MORE OR BETTER with all that you're already doing?

Does he think it's really a valid option for you to just drop your work and career to be a homemaker,

and how does he think that's gonna go for your family?

It's absurdly impractical and makes him look like an imbecile to think it has merit.

Hate to fall into old reddit tropes but... it's gotta be therapy or divorce time, no?

Definitely do the therapy route because it sounds like he's like 85% bought in

and working to be a better person, but that 15% reared its head when his parents came around...

which might mean you need some firm boundaries against his parents.

It's sickening that they abused their influence of him and used their time with him alone to turn him against you.

If it were me, they would not be welcome in my home ever again

and I'd be seriously considering limiting their access to the grandkids as well, because they are poisonous against you.

squirrelsareevil2479 − NTA. First thing to do is tell the IL's they are no longer welcome in your home.

If husband wants to see them, he can go visit them.

I'd put strict rules in place about contact with the children. Your children should not have to listen to them denigrate their mother.

Do talk to your children and say you're sorry they had to hear that and that adult conversations should be private.

Do not apologize to your husband, he was fine with letting his parents attack you and he said you were not a proper woman.

He should be grovelling at this point. Tell him he has a choice of therapy for himself or divorce.

Your children do not need to be brought up in a sexist, demeaning household.

Be firm and take care of yourself.

NotTheMama4208 − NTA. Clearly. If he had a spine and stood up to his parents, maybe his feelings wouldn't be hurt.

You need to form a united front against his parents or tell him they are not welcome in your home.

And then kick them out early. So rude.

These Redditors flipped the “traditional” argument, saying respect and provision go together

[Reddit User] − NTA To be honest, I would've been even meaner.

"Oh honey, I would love to be there for my children and cook meals for you,

but as you can't provide for me, like a traditional man would,

and can't lead but are lead by your mother, I'm forced to be the man and the woman here.

I also wont tolerate to be talked to like your mother does in my own home.

In my home, eating food I pay for. Another word and I will kick them out." Your husband needs a spine. Desperatly.

[Reddit User] − NTA My MIL was still going on about what was wrong with me and why I was a failure.

I asked my husband if he had anything to say.

He said his mother had a point and it wouldn't hurt

if I acted 'more like a proper woman' and 'took better care of my home and children'.

He said tradition was tradition for a reason and it was kind of insulting

that I thought I was too good for how he was raised. This is where I might be the a__hole.

I told him tradition won't allow a man on 35k to support a family of 5 and he was too broke to be so sexist.

NTA I agree what you said needed to be said. Especially since your in law's were present.

I also agree it should not have been said in front of your children.

Your husband let his parents get into his head space and he ran with it.

I don't think it's helpful to hurt your partner's feeling in a relationship.

However, occasionally you need to take a stand. I was home on maternity leave and I was helping a friend plan a shower.

My husband magnanimously offered to babysit

when I went out to meet my friend to discuss the plans and grab a few decorations.

Let's leave it at a rather lively discussion ensued regarding parenting vs babysitting

and my husband never offered to "babysit" our children again.

KindlyCelebration223 − NTA A “proper man/husband” wouldn’t allow someone to disrespect his wife like that

and would be strong enough to stand up to a guest in his home. He is weak & cowardly.

They can leave & take him with them if they don’t find you a proper woman/mother/wife”.

There are so many men who are so vocal out one side of their mouth

about wanting a “traditional” women/relationship where the woman is subservient & the man leads,

but out the other side the yell GOLD DIGGER & s__t at the idea

of picking up the financial cost of supporting a woman he wants available 24/7 to see to his needs.

Hell, they won’t even pick up the whole dinner tab.

TheQueenOfDisco − NTA So he can dish it out but not take it? And your mil needs to learn her place.

She has no right to talk to you like that.

This group warned the incident signals deeper betrayal and a serious marriage crisis

metalmorian − Obviously NTA, but I do have to wonder...

What exactly has your husband and parents in law been saying about you amongst each other?

Doesn't sound like your husband is stopping any malicious slandering, sounds more like he's joining in.

More than that, how much of what they've slandered you about was said in the hearing of the kids?

Little mice have large ears, and kids have a habit of eavesdropping when the adults gossip about their parents.

There is a HUGE crisis in your marriage right now, since your husband basically betrayed you.

Like literally took what you agreed on (equality) and trusted him with (your children)

and did the opposite of what you trusted him to do. It's a betrayal.

I'm sorry you are dealing with this. I'd be interested in hearing

what he has to say for himself when you talk to him... and you MUST talk to him about it, ASAP.

Cold-Lawyer-1856 − I think the part where you invited his feedback is very important here.

If you haven't done that perhaps it would be a both parties situation.

But you clearly and directly gave him a choice to make. Does he disrespect or defend you? He chose disrespect.

I don't even think what you said is disrespectful it is a factual statement

that hurts like saying someone has a drinking problem or something like that. NTA for sure

seregil42 − Jesus, I apologize for this, but that's pathetic of your husband. NTA.

Your husband has a lot of apologizing to do to you. In the future, I'd forbid his parents coming over to the house.

These commenters noted kids witnessing sexism matters and reality isn’t an insult

[Reddit User] − Obviously you're NTA and I first felt a little icky about you having said it in front of the kids but you know what?

They need to hear it too! It's not an insult that his salary alone can't support a family of 5, it's reality.

He's insulted because his family brainwashed him into thinking his entire self worth hangs on being the sole provider.

He can't afford a housewife and that's ok.

What isn't ok is expecting you to do housewife duties and financial provider duties at the same time,

without allowing you a say on what YOU want for yourself. He/they are out of their minds.

Icy_Rush_4190 − OP just wondering if your MIL offers to help you at all when visiting?

I have a lot trad female family and they will not let the lady of the house lift a finger when visiting.

Was the comment too harsh, or was it the only language left that would be heard? When tradition becomes a weapon, how should a partner respond? Share your thoughts below.

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS STORY?

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS STORY?

OP Is Not The AH (NTA) 0/0 votes | 0%
OP Is Definitely The AH (YTA) 0/0 votes | 0%
No One Is The AH Here (NAH) 0/0 votes | 0%
Everybody Sucks Here (ESH) 0/0 votes | 0%
Need More INFO (INFO) 0/0 votes | 0%

Layla Bui

Layla Bui

Hi, I’m Layla Bui. I’m a lifestyle and culture writer for Daily Highlight. Living in Los Angeles gives me endless energy and stories to share. I believe words have the power to question the world around us. Through my writing, I explore themes of wellness, belonging, and social pressure, the quiet struggles that shape so many of our lives.

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