Sometimes, the same rules that apply to us in our youth come back to haunt us when we’re adults. This woman had to deal with her mom’s strict rules when it came to her relationship, especially around the holidays. But now that the tables have turned and her mom is seeking a little freedom in her own love life, the daughter is struggling with how to respond.
After years of respecting her mom’s boundaries, she feels it’s only fair to set her own when her mom wants to bring her boyfriend to stay at her home. However, her mom doesn’t see it that way and accuses her of being petty.
Is she justified in her stance, or is she letting old grudges get in the way of family harmony? Keep reading to see why this disagreement may go deeper than just sharing a bed.
A woman tells her mom she can’t share a bed with her boyfriend in her home, citing past rules
When we grow into adulthood and maybe even own our own home, sometimes the most important right is to decide what feels safe in our space. In that light, OP’s decision to tell her mother she can’t share a room or bed with her boyfriend under her roof can be seen as a legitimate boundary meant to protect her comfort and emotional safety.
Psychologists and family‑therapists emphasize that as children become adults, the dynamics with parents must shift. Healthy adult‑child/parent relationships often require “clear boundaries and mutual respect,” rather than treating adult children like dependents under parental rules.
In that sense, OP isn’t simply “being petty”, she’s asserting a boundary about intimacy in shared space, especially given her past experience when her mother enforced stricter rules on her when she was younger. The principle behind boundaries is that they aren’t fixed: they evolve as relationships and circumstances evolve.
According to boundary‑work experts, setting a limit is part of self‑care. It helps preserve one’s wellbeing when previous patterns hurt or left scars.
That doesn’t mean OP’s mother is automatically “wrong” to want her own space or to try building a new life after loss. It means that both need to acknowledge that roles have changed, the mother is no longer parenting a teenager, and the daughter is now the homeowner making decisions for her domain.
There is value in open, compassionate communication: explaining clearly “I’m uncomfortable with shared bedrooms under my roof” in a calm, respectful manner, rather than responding with accusations or anger. Experts say expressing boundaries with clarity and consistency fosters healthier relationships, even if it leads to temporary tension.
So in my view, OP’s stance is understandable and psychologically justifiable. This isn’t about punishing her mom, it’s about protecting her own comfort and emotional boundaries in her personal space.
See what others had to share with OP:
This group supported OP’s decision to enforce the rule, emphasizing that it’s OP’s house and they set the rules
These commenters called out the mom for being hypocritical, not following her own morals, and trying to get special treatment in OP’s house
![[Reddit User] − Until the s__ bit, it felt petty. But she doesn’t even seem to deny she’d be loudly banging her new man, so I can’t see how it’s...](https://dailyhighlight.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/12/wp-editor-1764582802693-13.webp "Woman Told Her Mom She Can’t Share A Bed With Her Boyfriend In Her Home, Was She Right?")
These Redditors noted that this situation reinforces the importance of boundaries and respect, even with parents
In this situation, the woman’s decision to uphold the same boundaries her mother had set seems completely justified. It’s about fairness, consistency, and respecting past decisions, not about pettiness. By enforcing this rule, the woman is calling out hypocrisy and ensuring that her own boundaries are respected.
Do you think the woman was right to enforce the same rule, or should she have made an exception for her mom? How would you have handled the situation? Share your thoughts below!
