Sometimes, moving on does not mean forgiving, forgetting, or pretending everything is fine. For some people, it simply means creating distance and never looking back, even when that choice confuses everyone else.
The poster has built a life that keeps her far away from her hometown and even farther from certain family members. For years, her career as a flight attendant made her absence seem practical rather than personal. But when her parents started pushing for a full family Thanksgiving, the cracks in that explanation became impossible to ignore.
A painful past, an unwanted reunion, and a tearful phone call have now forced her to confront a choice she has avoided for years. Is skipping another holiday an act of self-preservation or something she will regret later? Read on to see what readers had to say.
A flight attendant avoids family holidays after betrayal, choosing distant trips instead
There are betrayals that don’t simply hurt in the moment; they permanently alter where “home” feels safe. For many people, holidays are not warm reunions but emotional flashpoints, reopening losses that were never repaired.
When family asks someone to show up anyway, the request can feel less like love and more like an erasure of pain.
In this situation, the OP wasn’t choosing Bali over Thanksgiving out of laziness or indifference. She was protecting herself from a trauma that reshaped her entire sense of belonging. Her ex didn’t just cheat; he crossed a boundary that fused romantic betrayal with family rupture.
By marrying her sister, he ensured that healing would require constant exposure to the very people who caused the harm. Her avoidance of family events isn’t about denial; it’s about refusing to repeatedly relive a wound that no one else seems willing to acknowledge.
Her mother’s tears come from longing, but they also quietly pressure the OP to absorb discomfort so others can feel whole.
What many overlook is how differently society judges emotional withdrawal. When women distance themselves for self-preservation, they’re often labeled cold or resentful, while endurance is praised as maturity.
Yet psychologically, removing oneself from a harmful dynamic can be a sign of self-respect. While some see her choice as “putting work over family,” a deeper lens reveals someone who has rebuilt a stable life precisely because she set firm boundaries where betrayal once lived.
Psychologists describe this pattern as avoidance coping, a strategy used to minimize contact with distressing triggers. According to the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs, avoidance becomes problematic only when it prevents daily functioning, but it can also be protective when exposure would retraumatize the individual.
Dr. Alice Boyes, PhD, writing for Psychology Today, explains that avoidance is often a short-term emotional shield, not a moral failing, especially when someone feels unsafe or invalidated in a situation.
Applied here, these insights suggest the OP’s decision isn’t about running away; it’s about choosing an environment where she isn’t forced to perform forgiveness she doesn’t feel.
Attending Thanksgiving would likely require emotional suppression, polite silence, and constant self-monitoring, all for the comfort of others. That’s not healing; it’s self-sacrifice.
A more realistic path forward may involve accepting that reconciliation isn’t always possible or necessary. Sometimes growth means honoring the life you built after the damage, not returning to the place where it began.
Boundaries aren’t punishments; they’re how people survive when love comes with conditions they can’t afford to meet.
See what others had to share with OP:
These Redditors backed OP’s right to go LC/NC and avoid cheaters without guilt
These commenters stressed honesty; stop blaming work and tell mom the truth
These folks felt OP unfairly punishes parents for the sister’s betrayal
This group cheered clear boundaries and suggested parents visit OP instead
![[Reddit User] − OP you are NTA for not skipping out to avoid your ex and sister who betrayed you.](https://dailyhighlight.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/01/wp-editor-1767408144317-6.webp "Woman Won’t Face Her Cheating Ex At Thanksgiving, Even As Her Parents Beg Her To Come Home")
In the end, this story isn’t really about Bali versus Thanksgiving; it’s about whether old wounds ever truly close when they’re tiptoed around instead of named. Some readers applauded her refusal to play happy family, while others worried she’s letting betrayal steal time she can’t get back with her parents.
Do you think choosing distance was an act of self-respect, or has avoidance gone on too long? Could you rebuild a relationship with your parents without reopening the deepest hurt? Drop your hot takes below.
