Youngest Daughter Gets Angry After Parents Refuse To Take Out Loans For Her College, Who’s In The Wrong?

Parents often do their best to provide for their children, but sometimes, circumstances don’t allow for an even playing field. One man and his wife have three daughters, two biological and one adopted.

While the oldest two were fortunate enough to have college savings set up by the wife’s parents, their youngest didn’t benefit from that, as her grandparents passed before her adoption.

Now, with college approaching, the youngest daughter is facing a much steeper financial burden.

Navigating family finances around college costs is one of the most stressful and emotional decisions many parents face.

In this situation, the OP’s stance, that they will not take out loans on behalf of their youngest daughter, has sparked a serious dispute because of longstanding differences in how each child’s education has been funded.

What may seem like a purely financial decision is also deeply tied to fairness, expectations, and family dynamics.

Most American families contribute some portion of college expenses from savings and income.

According to data from a 2023 Sallie Mae survey, parents cover about 48 % of college costs on average through their own resources, while children cover much of the rest through loans, savings, or work‑study.

Another survey found that 77 % of parents use income and savings to help pay for college, and about 18 % rely on borrowed funds to cover part of the cost.

These figures show that it’s common for families to share responsibility for funding higher education rather than having parents cover everything.

A key tool many families use is a 529 college savings plan, a tax‑advantaged account designed specifically to pay for education. These accounts grow tax‑free and withdrawals for qualified education expenses are also tax‑free.

Funds from 529 plans can cover tuition, fees, room and board, and even up to $10,000 toward student loan principal and interest.

Because they grow over time and offer tax advantages, early and consistent saving in 529 plans often makes a difference in how families can fund college. Wikipedia

The OP’s oldest daughters benefited from earlier and larger contributions to their college savings, largely thanks to the grandparents’ help.

The youngest daughter’s fund, established later and without those contributions, simply has had less time to grow.

This kind of unequal investment in education savings can directly impact how much support a student receives, even if parents intend to treat children equitably.

Economists and social scientists have long studied how parental wealth and income influence college choices and debt levels.

One working paper from 2017 found that parents with more resources are more likely to help finance their children’s education and that this support correlates with higher levels of student debt when the children attend higher‑cost schools.

This research helps explain why the OP’s youngest daughter, heading to a more expensive private school, may face a harder financial path.

Psychologically and socially, perceived fairness matters just as much as the actual dollars involved. Even when parents set expectations early, having a sibling go deeper into debt, through no fault of their own, can feel inequitable.

Most families don’t have unlimited resources, and how they choose to allocate them inevitably involves trade‑offs.

Experts stress the importance of clear communication with children about financial realities early on so expectations don’t become assumptions.

Before resorting to loans, it’s important to explore alternatives such as completing the FAFSA, which can unlock federal grants, work-study, and subsidized loans.

Additionally, seeking scholarships and grants can significantly reduce the need for borrowing, and many students balance part-time work or work-study programs alongside their studies to minimize their debt.

These options empower the student to take a more active role in financing their education, easing the financial burden on the family and helping to avoid excessive loan amounts.

The OP is not unreasonable for sticking to a pre‑established plan: they communicated ahead of time that they would only supplement education costs, not fully fund them or take on loans.

This aligns with how many families manage college finances, and data show that it’s more common than assuming full parental responsibility.

However, it’s also understandable that the youngest daughter feels frustrated; she’s facing higher costs and less accumulated savings through no fault of her own.

In other words, the situation isn’t about being TA or not TA in isolation, it’s about finding common ground where financial limits, educational goals, and emotional fairness can coexist.

Transparent expectations, shared planning, and mutual respect can turn a stressful moment into an opportunity for growth and understanding.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

These users acknowledge that while the youngest daughter’s situation is unfortunate, the OP is not in the wrong.

These commenters provide a more empathetic view toward the youngest daughter, recognizing that the situation is tough for her.

These users agree that the OP did the best they could and that the situation is not the OP’s fault.

These commenters ask for more specific financial details to better understand the extent of the disparity in funds between the children.

The OP and his wife clearly communicated their financial boundaries to their daughters, yet their youngest feels unfairly treated due to a lack of a college savings fund from her grandparents.

While it’s understandable that she would feel frustrated, especially with the higher cost of her private school, the OP’s decision not to take out loans seems consistent with how they’ve handled their older daughters’ education.

Is the OP wrong for sticking to their plan, or is it reasonable to expect their daughter to take responsibility for her own education costs? How would you handle this situation? Share your thoughts below!