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Dad Refuses Ex’s Demand To See Daughter She Abandoned, After Fiancée Steps Up As True Mom

by Jeffrey Stone
December 2, 2025
in Social Issues

A devoted dad built a stable family after his ex bailed on their newborn daughter five years ago to chase career dreams. When she suddenly resurfaced, declaring motherhood readiness, he shut it down hard: “She has a mom, and it isn’t you”, with his fiancée as the only mom the girl has known.

Tears flowed and mutual friends erupted in backlash, sparking Reddit drama over loyalty versus regret. This emotional showdown weighs protecting a child’s secure world against second chances from the past.

Daughter already has, not a stepmom, but a mom that steps up.

Dad Refuses Ex's Demand To See Daughter She Abandoned, After Fiancée Steps Up As True Mom
Not the actual photo.

'AITA for refusing to let my ex see our kid and saying that she has a mom that wasn't her?'

I'm using a throwaway so my friends and fiancée don't see this.

I (26m) had my daughter "Belle" (5f) with my ex, "Jade" (26f) five years ago.

We were fresh out of college, she had just moved into my apartment with me and just starting our careers.

When we found out that we were going to have a baby, Jade seemed excited

and was planning right along side me for when Belle was going to be born.

But 7 months into her pregnancy, Jade decided that she didn't want to be a mother to Belle,

saying it would just slow down the progress of her career and she wouldn't be where she wanted to be in life.

I'll admit that I did argue with her about this, because Jade wanted to put Belle up for adoption,

and I didn't want that due to my own past with my adopted parents.

We eventually agreed that Jade would void her parental rights to Belle without going through the courts to do so.

After this, Jade and I broke up with her living at her parents' place for the remainder of her pregnancy.

When Jade finally gave birth, she only signed the birth certificate and never held or fed our daughter.

Jade moved away to the other side of our state and blocked me wherever she could.

My daughter's maternal grandparents did send money to help support Belle, but they stopped after Jade asked them to.

My now fiancée, "Ashley" (27f) had stepped in after she heard what happened between Jade and I.

Ashley wasn't exactly a friend of Jade's, more like an acquaintance.

Ashley had really helped me out through the first year of my daughter's life.

We didn't start off dating right off the bat, we were friends and things just sort of happened.

Belle calls Ashley "Mama" and it's been that way since she could speak. We just got engaged last year.

Two days ago, Jade had reached out to me over the phone and didn't ask, but demand to see our daughter.

Jade had said she matured since Belle was born and was ready to have a co-parenting relationship with me.

I was in shock and it didn't register to me what my ex was saying until she told me "Belle deserves to be with her real mother".

That snapped me out of it, and pissed me off since Ashley had essentially been in Belle's life since she was born.

That led me to telling her that she wouldn't be seeing our daughter ever, if I could help it and that Belle had a mom that certainly wasn't her.

Jade started crying after I said that, so I hung up on her. The few mutual friends we have got told by her what I said,

and have taken her side, saying that I had no right to keep Belle from her and that I was being too cruel.

I now feel guilty over what I told her, and I'm wondering AITA for saying that to her?

Edit: To clarify, we just had a verbal agreement that Jade wouldn't be involved in Belle's life as a mother,

which is what I meant when saying that she voided her rights but we didn't go through the courts to do so.

Our Redditor poured his heart into raising Belle solo after Jade dipped out at seven months pregnant, opting for career ambitions over diapers.

They settled on a verbal pact for her to step away. No courts, no fuss, and his now-fiancée Ashley became the rock-solid “Mama” Belle has adored since toddlerhood.

Fast-forward five years: Jade phones with a bombshell demand for co-parenting, insisting she’s Belle’s “real mother.”

He shut her down, states that she won’t see the kid, because Belle already has a mom.

From Jade’s angle, maturity might genuinely have kicked in. People evolve, after all. Maybe career ladders led to lonely nights and second thoughts, prompting this reunion quest.

But let’s pump the brakes: Abandoning a newborn and vanishing for half a decade doesn’t scream “instant mom cred.”

Redditors roast this as classic regret timing, right when the messy toddler phase is ancient history.

The dad’s raw protectiveness makes total sense. Introducing a stranger as “Mom” could shatter Belle’s secure bubble, where Ashley’s the one wiping tears and cheering first steps.

This even spotlight’s on a bigger family puzzle: What happens when biological ties clash with everyday love?

Abandonment cases spike parental tug-of-wars, with U.S. courts handling over 1.5 million custody filings yearly, per the Census Bureau’s latest data .

Family law attorney Rachel Tobes, featured in a Psychology Today piece on parental rights, nails it: “Verbal relinquishments hold no legal weight, courts prioritize the child’s best interest, often favoring reunification if no danger exists”.

Spot-on for this story, as Jade could petition for visitation, proving “change of heart” while owing back child support.

The dad dodged a bullet by not formalizing her exit early, leaving Ashley’s adoption dreams in limbo.

What should the Redditor’s family do? Hire a lawyer today, don’t wait another minute. Start saving every bit of proof have: texts or emails showing Jade left, photos or stories of Ashley being Belle’s daily mom, and records of zero money coming from Jade. This builds their strongest case.

If a judge gets involved, ask for supervised visits only at first, have someone watches every meeting to see if she’s really serious. Make her prove it: she pays back child support and shows up every single time without excuses.

And to protect Belle, her parents ought to stay calm around her, no matter what, because kids pick up on tension like little radars.

A lesson for young parents: always get it legal – signed papers, notarized, and court-approved. No shortcuts. This isn’t about revenge. It’s about keeping kids safe from parents who disappear one day and pop back up the next.

After all, real parenting means showing up every single day. It’s not just about DNA. It’s about being there.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

A user supports denying the ex access until she pays back child support.

Good-Jackfruit8592 − NTA - if she truly wants to be a part of Belle’s life she can start with catching up on back child support.

Then, and only then, would I even consider it a possibility

Others warn the verbal agreement is invalid and urge immediate legal action.

Ok_Consideration1284 − NTA but I suggest you get a lawyer, if you didn’t go through legal channels she might have a claim,

but your lawyer should be able to show abandonment and that you have been solely responsible for your child.

stringrandom − YTA. Not because you don’t want Jade involved, but because you didn’t go to court and have things dealt with legally.

Your “verbal agreement” is not the same thing as having Jade’s parental rights terminated.

You don’t need to be on Reddit. You need to be talking to a lawyer.

Your fiancée can’t legally adopt Belle without actually legally terminating Jade’s rights.

SnooWords4839 − Family lawyer now! She deserted her child for 5 years, get your rights covered.

Some people criticize OP for not terminating parental rights legally years ago.

ZealousidealShake410 − NTA - however a huge mistake not having her void her parental rights.

It boggles my mind you didn’t do this. Especially since she was willing to literally put her completely up for adoption.

You need to get a lawyer. Since the courts love mothers and reunification and it doesn’t sound like she is a danger to your child,

you will most likely be sharing custody of your daughter. I’d have a lot more choice words for her,

but honestly - you’re stuck with her now. For your daughter’s sake - once the courts decide on visitation - you will want to figure out how to be cordial.

However, under no circumstances would I let her have a single visit with this child without going through the courts.

Make her work for it and be sure she is serious being in her daughter’s life.

And don’t feel bad for protecting your daughter from a woman who had no interest or involvement in her child for the first 5 years of her life.

JuliaX1984 − NTA but an i__ot for not having her legally void her parental rights years ago.

Now you're gonna have a much more expensive, more annoying courtroom fight proving abandonment

and fighting against a demand for rights she doesn't deserve but now wants.

The comments explain courts may grant visitation and child support to the ex.

MasterGas9570 − NTA - but you need to contact a lawyer immediately to start proceedings to ensure you legally have full legal custody.

You won't likely be able to strip her of her parental rights, which means you should start collecting child support.

The only way she would get out of child support is by legally severing her parental rights.

You left yourself open though since you didn't even put something into writing with each other signed with a notary.

mtngrl60 − You are not the a__hole for what you told her. Because as far as your daughter is concerned, Jade is just a stranger.

She would not know her from Adam The problem is that you do not have a legal agreement in place regarding parenting rights.

Parental rights cannot be voided just by saying so. So if Jade wishes to go to an attorney and petition the court for parental rights,

there is every chance that a court Will give her at least visitation. And that really sucks, I know.

It would most likely be some sort of supervised visitation to start with, but if Jade does well with that with your daughter, they would most likely try to give...

And I’m sorry to tell you that, because I know it’s not what you want to hear. Obviously, they’re not just gonna hand your child over to a virtual stranger.

But you guys were very young, and they will take that into that at those young ages, we make stupid decisions.

Courts are very big on trying to keep families in touch and together as long as it is safe for the child.

So you would have to have a very compelling reason for the court to completely withhold any kind of visitation from Jade.

However… They would also order Jade to pay you child support for the last hour of many years as a condition of any of this. I’m wishing you luck.

I don’t personally think it is in the child’s best interest at this point in time.

Like you say, Ashley is the only mother she has ever known. Jade is a complete stranger. Jade didn’t want to be a mom.

Some comments highlight the child won’t recognize the ex as her mother.

nick4424 − Does Jade realise Belle isn’t going to know who she is and is too young to understand what’s going on.

She will freak out if she has to go with Jade who is a stranger to her.

nopenothappening99 − NTA. Oh look another one who’s conveniently “matured” just as the kid is out of the feeding,

changing and late night wake up’s. Nope. Your ex is Not Belles mother, she’s just her incubator.

In the end, this dad’s fierce “nope” echoes a universal truth: True motherhood isn’t about biology. It’s about showing up, day in, day out, for the bedtime stories and scraped knees.

Jade’s late-game pivot tugs heartstrings, but Belle’s world has spun happily without her for years.

Was his zinger too harsh amid the guilt trip, or a fair line in the sand for his little girl’s stability?

How would you handle a blast-from-the-past parent? Lawyer first, or give them a shot? Drop your thoughts!

Jeffrey Stone

Jeffrey Stone

Jeffrey Stone is a valuable freelance writer at DAILY HIGHLIGHT. As a senior entertainment and news writer, Jarvis brings a wealth of expertise in the field, specifically focusing on the entertainment industry.

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