A woman hired a solo event planner who charges hourly and requires an upfront retainer. The party was flawless. Afterward, the planner refunded the unused portion with a note: “In lieu of a gratuity, positive reviews would be very appreciated.”
The client, who ran her own service business for ten years and rarely received tips, accepted the refund without offering it back as a gratuity. She plans to leave a glowing review instead.
Now she’s second-guessing herself: was she supposed to tip? AITA?
The first instinct was to overthink. On one hand, she had already paid for the service. On the other, tipping is common in service industries. But after re-reading the message, she realized the planner had phrased it carefully.
The note wasn’t demanding money. It was a gentle nudge, a polite way to suggest that if she wanted to acknowledge excellent service, a positive review would be more valuable than a tip. In the planner’s words, it was “in lieu of a gratuity,” and that choice mattered.
Experts on consumer behavior and small business marketing say this kind of approach is becoming standard in certain industries. Marketing consultant Rachel Nguyen explains, “For many small business owners, positive reviews are the most effective form of marketing.
A tip is appreciated, yes, but a review has lasting power and can bring in dozens of clients, potentially paying for itself many times over.” Essentially, the planner’s request was strategic and thoughtful, not manipulative.
Further, psychologists studying social norms in tipping note that when service providers own their business, the expectation of a tip becomes murky. Dr. Karen Ortiz, a behavioral psychologist, says, “Tipping originated in contexts where the service worker had little control over their pay.
When the individual is the business owner, they set the rates themselves. Asking for a tip in that context can feel inappropriate or confusing. Suggesting a review is a socially acceptable alternative that allows clients to express appreciation without monetary exchange.”
The woman’s feelings were understandable. She wasn’t trying to be stingy or rude. She simply hadn’t considered tipping a business owner. She reflected on how, in her own work, she never expected gratuities.
Her first reaction was hesitation, not malice. She also realized that cultural assumptions about tipping vary widely, and service owners have different perspectives on what constitutes fair compensation.
Take a look at the comments from fellow users:
Reddit users weighed in heavily on this one, offering reassurance. Many pointed out that the planner wasn’t expecting a tip.
Most commenters agreed with the woman’s instincts. PrimeRisk
The consensus was clear: she was not the AH.
In the end, the woman felt reassured. She wrote a glowing review for the planner, recognizing the professionalism, skill, and attention to detail that made her event a success.
It was an elegant compromise: she expressed gratitude without feeling awkward or pressured.
It also reminded her how easily assumptions about etiquette can create self-imposed moral dilemmas. In a world where tipping norms vary so widely, a little empathy and understanding go a long way.
Final Thoughts
This story is a gentle reminder that gratitude can take many forms. You don’t always need to hand over extra cash to acknowledge good work.
Thoughtful gestures, honest feedback, or a glowing review can carry as much weight, sometimes more.
The planner’s note was not a guilt trip but a savvy, considerate suggestion. Was she wrong for not offering the leftover retainer as a tip?
Absolutely not. She navigated the situation with fairness and grace, and both parties walked away satisfied.
