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Boyfriend Gets Mad After Girlfriend Gives ‘Honest’ Answer To His Hypothetical Question

by Annie Nguyen
November 21, 2025
in Social Issues

Every couple has those random hypothetical conversations, right? Well, one woman had a conversation with her boyfriend about what would happen if one of them passed away. She answered honestly, saying that while she would grieve, eventually she’d likely move on.

Her boyfriend, however, did not take this well and got incredibly upset, feeling like it meant she didn’t love him as much as he loved her. But was her answer really that bad? Let’s dive into this hypothetical (and very real) drama and see what Reddit had to say about it.

A hypothetical question about dating causes tension in their relationship

Boyfriend Gets Mad After Girlfriend Gives ‘Honest’ Answer To His Hypothetical Question
not the actual photo

'My boyfriend is mad at me because of a hypothetical question?'

I was on a double date yesterday, we are all 21/22 and both couples have been dating for around a year.

A hypothetical question was brought up to me and my bf because our friends had already been arguing about it.

It was that if we stayed madly in love, had a life and kids together, and 15-20 years later,

our partner suddenly died, did we think we would ever date again?

I explained that by then I’d be around 40 at that point, and my future kids would probably be at least 10.

So I explained that I’d spend a long time being single and grieving, but realistically I pictured myself eventually moving on.

I explained that it would be pretty sad and lonely once the hypothetical kids grow up and move out and I’m 50 and have nobody left.

My boyfriend got very upset at my answer and is mad at me now. He said it felt like I didn’t love him as much as he loves me.

He explained everything he contributes to the relationship and says it’s because he sees a future together, and it feels like I don’t care as much.

He even went as far as to say he wasn’t sure if he’d ever date again if I were to die suddenly today.

And I just don’t think that’s realistic. I feel like the truth and reality is that people in that situation tend to move on.

Obviously not for years, but eventually.

I don’t know that to do. He’s really mad and I’m worried my answer is going to cause him to break up with me

This situation highlights how easily miscommunication can happen in relationships, especially when it comes to deep emotions like love, loss, and commitment.

When OP answered the hypothetical question about whether they’d date again after the death of their partner, their boyfriend became upset, feeling like it meant OP didn’t love him as much as he loved them. The emotional intensity of the moment reveals how we can interpret each other’s words through our own insecurities and fears.

Psychologically, this conflict might stem from different attachment styles, the way we relate to others in intimate relationships. For instance, people with anxious attachment styles often experience greater distress when they feel their connection might be threatened.

A study titled “Attachment style and bereavement reactions” shows that someone with this style might feel more anxious or insecure about their partner’s love when facing discussions about the future or loss.

On the other hand, OP’s answer seemed more rooted in a realistic view of life’s inevitable changes, acknowledging that people do tend to move forward after loss, though the timing and way they do so will vary.

The idea of continuing bonds helps explain why OP’s answer doesn’t diminish their current love. When a partner passes, we don’t necessarily stop loving them; we integrate their memory into our lives. It’s not about “moving on” as if they never mattered, but about learning to live with the memory while still growing.

OP was acknowledging that in the future, while grieving, they might find happiness again, not because they didn’t love their partner, but because life continues in complex ways.

For the boyfriend, his reaction likely comes from a place of fear and a need for emotional security. He probably wanted reassurance that the love they share now is permanent, and hearing OP consider a future without him was unsettling.

But for OP, it wasn’t about diminishing the present, it was simply acknowledging life’s reality. They love their boyfriend deeply but also see that life goes on after major loss, and eventually, healing happens.

To move past this misunderstanding, it’s important for both to communicate openly about their needs. OP can reassure their boyfriend that their love is real and strong, and the hypothetical question was just that, a hypothetical. The boyfriend, in turn, might express his need for reassurance and explain why the thought of moving on after a loss felt like a betrayal.

By understanding each other’s emotional triggers and attachment styles, they can create a healthier, more open dialogue about the future.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

This group criticized the boyfriend for being overly possessive and irrational about a hypothetical scenario

lookingfornails − your bf is being irrational and if he really loves you, he would want you to be happy, even after death

gesamtkunstwerkteam − Your boyfriend sounds immature.

He should worry less about a hypothetical situation that will likely not come to pass,

since it's unlikely you will be together that long anyway and worry more about being a good partner to you right now in the present.

[Reddit User] − It's immature arguing over hypotheticals. I did that once or twice in my 20s, I won't do it now in my 30s.

[Reddit User] − You're both in your early 20's, in essentially a brand-new relationship.

I'm entirely certain you both hold "views" you'll cringe at in even just a few years time.

Of course, you're right that you would eventually move on after a grieving period, but your boyfriend's reaction has very little to do with your answer.

You and your boyfriend are both young and surely still rife with insecurities.

One of his insecurities seems to be that he might end up, or already be, more invested in the relationship than you.

Maybe he has a feeling he in some way doesn't deserve you or something similar.

Hopefully that will all become more clear after your next conversation.

When you two do broach the situation for further discussion, the talk should be almost entirely centered on your relationship

and not the actual hypothetical that kicked off the whole thing. i.e.

You understand what he contributes, how grateful you are, and address if there is any dynamic in the relationship

that either you or he would like to see change. Now is the time to have honest conversation.

If you both truly have found your forever partner at such a young age, you are incredibly lucky to begin your long journey together this early.

And if you are meant to be with one another, neither of you will let a petty argument destroy the wonderful thing you've discovered together.

The positive news is that you get to practice and hone your communication skills as a couple now.

Get yourselves used to having open, albeit, uncomfortable conversations, because there will be far more difficult times ahead.

The hallmark of a healthy relationship is the ability and comfortability to address anything with your partner.

This is a great stepping stone in that regard.

TL;DR: You're both at a time in your life where you are evolving as people and at the same time will have to grow and evolve as a couple.

Ignore the small stuff, but utilize these opportunities to build your relationship into something stronger. Good luck!

windysylphie − Ask him if he would still love you if you were a worm. Jesus Christ.

These commenters expressed empathy, emphasizing the need for mutual love and understanding in a healthy relationship

Jolly_Ad8315 − If he dies well before you do he would want you to stay miserable forever? He doesn’t sound very loving…

Dull-Geologist-8204 − My late fiancée passed away. One of the best things he could have ever done for me was that

we discussed this exact hypothetical situation and we both agreed we would want the other one to move on.

No one wants that to happen. When you find your person you want to grow old together but in reality s__t happens.

Why would you want the other person to be lonely and miserable just to prove how much they love you?

To me that doesn't seem like love. It also doesn't mean you don't love that person.

I think about my late fiancée every single day and really miss him. Moving on doesn't mean I stopped loving him nor will I ever forget him.

Also, your bf is full of it. He says that now because he doesn't really think it will happen.

His tune would change real fast if he actually found himself in that situation.

Shiba_Ichigo − You're probably his first real love and he can't imagine life without you.

It's naive and irrational but kinda cute in a way. You are not an a__hole, you're being very realistic. He's lost in the fog of love.

In my experience, most dudes are like this with their first real love.

Either they marry that person, or it unravels somehow and they become forever more cynical going forward.

Dudes don't typically have the same emotional support structures as women.

Romance is often the first place we ever feel a true deep friendship. The thought of losing that can make a person irrational.

Your partnership is probably his first ever true connection with another person.

The thought of losing you is likely impossible for him to process or even consider.

To him, that's basically death, because he can't imagine going back to life before what you have together.

Idk the best way to smooth it over with him, but I feel like this is where he's coming from and I hope it helps. Good luck, OP!

Both backed the idea that such hypothetical conversations at a young age can be unproductive and unnecessarily upsetting

CoffeeS3x − This is a very 21/22 year old issue. Yeah he’s definitely overreacting,

but you should learn not to have stupid hypothetical conversations like this too.

Nothing to gain, and everything to lose by potentially upsetting your partner. It’s just not worth it.

Psychological_Tap187 − Lord. Death happens. Somebody in a relationship is going to die first.

To expect the one that lives to never be with anyone again is very selfish.

This group agreed that the boyfriend’s reaction was immature and unreasonable

Accomplished_Let_159 − He’s being unfair. It’s hypothetical for one.

And for two, it’s normal to want your s/o to be happy and find love again if you were to split up or someone were to pass away.

In all reality, men tend to move on quicker than women when their spouse dies.

Jellysir1 − Your bf is acting like a child. He needs to grow up

These commenters highlighted how maturity evolves over time

Back_Equivalent − I stop reading these post when I see an age under 25.

You might as well be 16. People mature later than ever these days, and you’re just seeing immaturity shine through.

samanthasgramma − When I met my husband, I loved my Mom and Dad.

I met him and my heart grew bigger. We had my son. My heart grew even bigger. We had my daughter.

Wow ... wouldn't you know it. My heart grew even bigger! Have had friends ... my heart got even bigger and bigger as each one was added.

I never tossed anyone out to make room. My heart just kept getting bigger and bigger and bigger.

They're all in there. There's infinite space for whomever wants to join the crowd.

I'm walking around with an auditorium of people and pets, inside of me. It's amazing that I don't weigh 800 pounds, carrying all this love.

I'm coming up on 40 years married. If he died? I'm not going to flush him out of my heart.

He'll have his huge piece of real estate, no matter what else happens.

And if I find another ... well, my heart is just going to need to buy more space.

What do you think? Was the boyfriend’s reaction justified, or is he being too dramatic? How would you handle such a situation in your own relationship? Share your thoughts below!

Annie Nguyen

Annie Nguyen

Hi, I'm Annie Nguyen. I'm a freelance writer and editor for Daily Highlight with experience across lifestyle, wellness, and personal growth publications. Living in San Francisco gives me endless inspiration, from cozy coffee shop corners to weekend hikes along the coast. Thanks for reading!

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