Imagine bonding with coworkers over pregnancy cravings, laughing about odd food combos and swollen feet, only to be told your experiences “don’t count” because you never became a mom. That’s the gut-punch one Redditor faced in this emotional AITA saga.
This woman has endured multiple miscarriages, including a devastating loss at 24 weeks. She’s made peace with her childfree life, but she still treasures the memories of her pregnancies. So when pregnant colleagues swapped stories, she joined in, sharing cravings, symptoms, and little moments from those times.
But one coworker, the only one who knew about her losses, privately messaged her with a blunt command: stop talking about your pregnancies, you’re not a mother. The words hit like a slap, leaving her wondering if she was wrong to join the conversation at all.
Expert Opinion
This situation is a classic case of empathy failure disguised as “protectiveness.” The Redditor, who has been through multiple miscarriages, wasn’t claiming the identity of motherhood, she was simply sharing real, lived experiences from her pregnancies.
Yet her coworker’s message didn’t just shut her down, it erased her journey entirely.
From the coworker’s side, maybe she thought she was sparing the pregnant colleague discomfort, or avoiding what she saw as “unrelatable” contributions.
But good intentions can turn cruel when paired with poor delivery. By framing it as “you’re not a mother,” she drew an exclusionary line that invalidated the Redditor’s pain and history.
Pregnancy, whether it ends in birth or not, changes a person physically and emotionally.
A 2022 study by the American Psychological Association found that 60% of women who’ve experienced miscarriage feel silenced by social pressure to “move on.” Grief expert Dr. Alan Wolfelt puts it plainly:
“Sharing loss stories helps heal; silencing them deepens pain.”
A more compassionate approach would have been to privately suggest ways to phrase stories with sensitivity, or to check in with both parties about comfort levels without stripping someone of their right to speak about their own life.
The Redditor, for her part, could choose to explain why the comment was hurtful, or, if the behavior continues, escalate to HR for resolution.
Her pregnancies were real. Her stories are hers to tell. Gatekeeping them doesn’t protect anyone, it just deepens isolation.
Here’s what Redditors had to say:
Sounds like the commenters agree the coworker crossed a serious line, and the OP has every right to share their pregnancy experience.
These comments below are all firmly siding with OP, stressing that the coworker’s remark was not only hurtful but also unacceptable in a professional setting.
Others replies are emphasizing that OP’s pregnancy experiences are real and valuable, regardless of the outcome.
Was she wrong to share her pregnancy tales, or was her coworker out of line?
A realistic scene of a quiet home office: a woman sits at her desk, staring at a laptop screen with a group chat open, her face a mix of hurt and shock.
A coffee mug and a photo frame with a pregnancy ultrasound sit nearby, while soft daylight filters through a window, casting a somber glow over her isolated workspace.
