When you’re working closely with someone, giving them constructive feedback can be a fine line to walk, especially when it touches on personal choices.
For this original poster (OP), their assistant Amy did an excellent job leading a major client account, but when it came time for a client lunch, Amy’s food choices became a point of concern.
OP explained that client lunches should follow the client’s lead, both in terms of order and eating pace, in order to keep the conversation smooth and professional. However, Amy didn’t take the feedback well and became emotional.
Now, OP is questioning if they were too critical or if their intentions of guiding her were misunderstood. Scroll down to see how this lunch turned into a bigger lesson for both of them!
Woman gives assistant lunch etiquette feedback, but she gets upset
In this situation, the OP’s intentions seem to stem from a place of wanting to help their assistant, Amy, navigate professional norms more effectively, especially when it comes to business lunches.
The advice about matching the client’s food choices was likely meant as a gentle suggestion for Amy to be aware of professional etiquette, rather than a criticism of her food choice itself.
However, the emotional reaction that followed suggests a misunderstanding, highlighting how sensitive topics like body image and personal choices can be when addressed in professional settings.
At the heart of the issue is Amy’s reaction, which appears to stem from a deeper insecurity about her body image. Her response, crying and attributing her food choices to being “fat”, reveals that she may be carrying unresolved feelings about her appearance and how it’s perceived.
It’s possible that Amy’s interpretation of the conversation was shaped by her own insecurities rather than the OP’s actual intent. In this case, what was meant as professional guidance was perceived as a critique of her body or eating habits.
Researchs suggest that people with body image insecurities often interpret neutral comments through a lens of personal criticism, even if the comment isn’t intended that way.
From a psychological perspective, advice about food choices and professionalism, particularly in business settings, can be sensitive.
Psychologist specializing in body image and self-esteem notes: Even well-intentioned comments about eating habits or body image can trigger negative emotional reactions, especially if someone is already feeling vulnerable about their appearance.
In this case, the OP’s advice could have unintentionally hit a nerve for Amy, who may already be struggling with how her appearance affects her professional life.
It’s also important to consider how the OP’s approach could have been framed. The advice about “following the client’s lead” could have been communicated more carefully.
Instead of focusing on the “strategy” of matching the client’s eating habits, it might have been more effective to emphasize the professional aspects of business lunches in a way that didn’t inadvertently touch on personal insecurities.
For example, the OP could have framed it more around the idea of maintaining professionalism during a business meal, where food choices might be a subtle way to demonstrate attentiveness to the client’s preferences.
In terms of whether the OP was wrong to bring this up, it’s a delicate balance. On one hand, offering constructive feedback in the workplace is often necessary to help employees grow.
However, this type of feedback should be delivered with careful consideration of how personal insecurities might affect the recipient. The OP’s advice may have been sound, but the emotional context of Amy’s response suggests that the conversation was poorly timed or handled.
In the end, the OP should continue supporting Amy’s growth but with more empathy.
Moving forward, the OP can consider revisiting the topic of business etiquette in a more tactful way, possibly by introducing it as part of a broader conversation about professional development, rather than singling out the lunch experience.
By acknowledging Amy’s feelings and ensuring she feels valued beyond just her professional skills, the OP can help foster a more positive environment where feedback is better received and less likely to trigger emotional reactions.
Here’s what Redditors had to say:
These users supported the idea that the conversation was about business etiquette and mentoring, not body shaming, highlighting that the OP was doing their job
This group understood the sensitivity around weight but emphasized that the advice was about professionalism and learning workplace norms
These users suggested providing clearer expectations in advance to avoid misunderstandings
These commenters empathized with the assistant’s potential triggers but maintained that the OP’s approach was reasonable, focusing on professionalism rather than weight
These users pointed out that the issue was not about weight but about reading the room and understanding appropriate behavior in business settings
The OP’s intentions were to offer constructive feedback, but it seems the message didn’t land as intended. While it’s important to guide employees in professional settings, the delivery here may have unintentionally made Amy feel self-conscious about her body image.
Do you think the OP was right to bring up the issue, or could they have approached it differently? How would you handle giving feedback in a way that doesn’t hurt feelings? Share your thoughts below!
