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Boyfriend Demands Housework From His Teen Girlfriend, Reddit Says “Run!”

by Katy Nguyen
September 23, 2025
in Social Issues

At 19, OP, a student paying her own rent, faces demands from her 25-year-old boyfriend to do his housework since he works full-time and she doesn’t.

Living in separate homes, she refuses, arguing she’s not his maid and he’s not her “breadwinner.” He insists it’s unfair, sparking tension in their five-month relationship.

This story questions equality and boundaries in relationships. Is OP wrong for refusing? Let’s dive into the details and see what the online community thinks.

Boyfriend Demands Housework From His Teen Girlfriend, Reddit Says "Run!"

'AITA for refusing to do housework while my boyfriend goes to work, even though I don't have a job?'

I (19f) have been dating my boyfriend (25m) for five months now, and he's amazing. However, one disagreement we often have is over housework.

My boyfriend thinks that I should do housework, seeing as he works 48 hours a week, and I'm not employed.

I have always refused. We don't live together. We live in separate houses, and pay separate rent.

I afford rent through my university student loan, as well as tutoring and babysitting part-time.

So in my opinion, I have no reason to clean his house when I have my own that I pay for.

My boyfriend thinks it's unfair that I don't really work, yet have enough money to rent. In his eyes, I should do household chores for him, because he is the...

The thing is, I don't see him as the breadwinner. He doesn't pay for my rent; I do. We aren't married, and I'm still in education.

I can't tell if I'm being unreasonable. I cook for him and occasionally help with chores, but I refuse to be a full-time maid for him.

Then again, he works so hard, whereas I only work a few hours a week. AITA?

This story reveals an unfair expectation and potential control issues in a young relationship. The boyfriend’s demand for OP to do his housework, despite separate households, reflects outdated gender roles and an attempt to leverage her time.

Relationship psychologist Dr. John Gottman notes, “Healthy relationships thrive on mutual respect and equitable responsibility, not imposed roles based on financial status” (The Gottman Institute).

OP’s refusal is justified, as she has no obligation to clean for him, especially as a self-sufficient student. The boyfriend’s “breadwinner” claim is baseless and a red flag for controlling behavior.

OP should consider discussing clear boundaries and evaluating if this relationship aligns with her long-term goals, particularly given the age gap and warning signs.

This case underscores the importance of equality and autonomy in relationships, especially early on.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

Reddit overwhelmingly supports OP, calling her boyfriend’s demands absurd and warning of controlling tendencies. Many urge her to end the relationship. Here’s a roundup of reactions.

Many flagged the boyfriend’s behavior as problematic.

[Reddit User] − HUGE red flags OP! This is NOT a normal request at all!

5 months into a relationship, and he’s already talking about being a breadwinner and trying to distribute household chores and rent when not even living together?

That is batshit insane. Block his ass. NTA.

neoncactusfields − NTA, while a 6-year age gap in and of itself is not a big deal, the specific age gap you guys have is often problematic.

Because a 25-year-old wanting to date a literal teenager usually signals that the 25-year-old is both immature AND controlling.

Case in point, your boyfriend is being immature AND controlling here. He's also being ridiculous.

You're a student; you're not his bang maid. Do you really want to waste your early 20s with this guy, cause he sounds lame.

Also, if you do make the mistake of moving in with this guy, mark my words, he will become even more controlling.

Electronic_Fox_6383 − He's looking for a #tradwife. You're in danger, girl. Run. NTA

TheDrunkScientist − Whewwww boy. I got whiplash from this post. NTA. And honestly, head for the hills.

It's been 5 months, and he is showing you exactly who he is. He wants a bang maid, not a partner.

Some emphasized OP’s lack of obligation.

morgaine125 − Wait, so you don’t live together, you pay your own separate rent for your own separate home that you clean/maintain yourself, and he thinks you owe it to...

NTA. This guy is trying to take advantage of you.

rosetravel − NTA. This is WILD. Even if he paid for most of your other joint costs or you were more often at his place, that just makes you his...

He clearly doesn’t have a grip on reality, and I think you need to ask yourself if he ever will. Being a student IS your full-time job right now, what...

Look, there is also something insidious here I can’t quite put my finger on. He sees a difference in your financial situation as something that has to be made ‘your...

Instead of being happy for you, you have spare time to do your studies. He needs to turn this into a way to have control over you.

A way to dismantle prioritizing your own needs, wants, and desires in life over his. Just know, OP, self-esteem rarely survives this type of power dynamic.

He will chip away at anything about you he doesn’t like or makes him feel “less than.”

He has overtly admitted to wanting a maid rather than a mature and collaborative relationship. Hear him.

Music_withRocks_In − I heard an actual record screech in my head when you said you don't live together. This is wild. Just wow.

Your boyfriend is wildly out of line, and frankly, I would be super worried about what the division of labor would look like if you ever moved in together.

He is not supporting you in any way, and somehow, you are his cook and maid. I would hate to see what he expects if you actually live there.

This is not a guy who is going to pull his own weight in the mental and physical household labor department, even if you were living together and both contributing.

Take a hard look at how he treats you in other ways and how he treats women in general. Maybe read him some AITA posts about domestic labor and see...

And please come here if you are ever doubting yourself again, because anyone dating this guy is gonna need some reality checks. NTA. Seriously, you can do better than him.

A few advised reevaluating the relationship.

JupiterSkyFalls − Is this for realies? ?? You don't live together, and he doesn't pay your bills, but he wants you to come over and play maid?!?

What in the Handmaid's Tale is this s**t?? Girl. RUN. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 P.S. obviously NTA.

Fancy_Avocado7497 − Run the 'Barbie' test. Take him to the movies, NTA. I clean up after myself.

He wants you to be responsible for his laundry, etc? aged 19!!!? Please tell me you see your life as more than this?

That you imagine yourself leading a better life, with or without a better partner

Outrageously_Penguin − Oh, Jesus Christ, dump this guy immediately.

He’s looking for a teenager who is naive enough to accept being his bangmaid, and that doesn’t appear to be you. Don’t let it be. NTA.

TaliesinWI − NTA. Like others said, he wants a bangmaid, not a partner. I cook for him and occasionally help with chores, but I refuse to be a full-time maid...

And stop this, right now. He's a big boy, and he has several hours a day free; he can cook his own food while he's living by himself.

spnip − NTA. You don’t live together, and he doesn’t provide for you why would you need to do his housework?

Also, the fact that he is dating someone still in his teens is a red flag that he is looking for someone he can manipulate easily into free labor.

thedartofwar − I was super ready to tell you that you were indeed off the title until I realized that you're in school and DON'T LIVE TOGETHER.

Your boyfriend unlocked a whole new level of entitlement. NTA.

ReviewOk929 − We live in separate houses, and pay separate rent. He wants a housewife. You're in danger. RUN. NTA.

WishToBeConcise403 − NTA. You don't live together, and he doesn't fund your lifestyle. You pay for everything yourself with student loans.

He is too entitled. It's rude that he asked you to be his unpaid maid. Stop helping him with things, ditch him. He is rotten.

OP is entirely justified in refusing to do her boyfriend’s housework, especially since they live separately and she’s financially independent. Reddit agrees his demands are outrageous and reveal controlling tendencies, urging OP to reconsider the relationship.

How can OP set firmer boundaries? Have you faced unfair expectations in a relationship? Share your stories!

Katy Nguyen

Katy Nguyen

Hey there! I’m Katy Nguyễn, a writer at Dailyhighlight.com. I’m a woman in my 30s with a passion for storytelling and a degree in Journalism. My goal is to craft engaging, heartfelt articles that resonate with our readers, whether I’m diving into the latest lifestyle trends, exploring travel adventures, or sharing tips on personal growth. I’ve written about everything from cozy coffee shop vibes to navigating career changes with confidence. When I’m not typing away, you’ll likely find me sipping a matcha latte, strolling through local markets, or curled up with a good book under fairy lights. I love sunrises, yoga, and chasing moments of inspiration.

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