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Dad Refuses To Take Out Loans For Son’s $60k College—Wife Thinks He’s Wrong, Is He?

by Annie Nguyen
April 20, 2026
in Social Issues

Raising a child often involves tough choices, and when it comes to their education, the stakes can feel even higher. Balancing your own financial stability with the desire to support your child’s dreams can create friction in any relationship. In this case, OP and his wife are facing a major disagreement about how to fund their son’s college dreams.

OP’s son wants to attend an expensive school, but OP draws the line at taking out a loan in his name. His wife, on the other hand, wants to borrow money to make it happen. Is OP being unreasonable? Keep reading to see how this money issue sparks conflict in their marriage!

The poster refused to take out loans for his son’s $60k school, and his wife disagrees

Dad Refuses To Take Out Loans For Son’s $60k College—Wife Thinks He’s Wrong, Is He?
not the actual photo

'My son wants to go to a 60k a year school, am I the a__hole for telling my wife I will not take out loans in my name for him...

So my son is 17 and we are having the college talk. He wants to go to a 60k plus a year school.

I told him that is great and he will have to work for it if he wants to go. My son does have a college fund with about 95k in...

My wife would like us to help him with loans or possibly take out the loan ourself to help him with tuition.

I told my wife I am not take out a loan in my name. I love my son but I think going into debt for education is not exactly smart.

Am I really in the wrong for not wanting to take on debt for our son to go to an expensive school? My wife thinks so.

The conversation about funding a child’s education often carries emotional weight and practical considerations. In this case, the father’s decision to avoid taking out loans for his son’s college tuition isn’t just about money, it’s about instilling financial responsibility.

On the other hand, the wife’s desire to help their son pursue his dreams at an expensive school reflects a more emotional approach, driven by the desire to provide opportunities and support.

At the emotional core, the father’s decision is grounded in his belief that taking on significant debt for education may not be financially responsible. The average student loan debt in the U.S. is a growing concern, with recent reports showing an average of about $37,000 per borrower.

For many families, incurring that kind of debt for an expensive school can create long-term financial stress. The father is considering the bigger picture, his son’s long-term financial future, while the wife seems to focus on the immediate opportunity to support the child’s educational aspirations.

A different perspective acknowledges that both sides have valid points. While the father’s financial caution is rooted in the risks associated with student loans, the wife’s view comes from a place of wanting to help the child fulfill his ambitions, particularly in an educational environment that aligns with his dreams.

However, it’s crucial to keep in mind that a prestigious school doesn’t always equate to a better future, especially when weighed against the potential burden of student loans.

According to experts from the National Review, many students take on more debt than they can handle, and they may not see the return on investment they expect.

In the end, the father is not wrong for wanting to avoid putting himself in debt, as it’s a financially responsible approach. There is also evidence suggesting that limiting debt for education can lead to healthier financial habits in the future.

According to the Psychology Today, how parents handle financial decisions can influence their children’s attitudes toward money and work later in life.

Ultimately, both parents care about their son’s well-being, but they have different approaches to supporting him. The father wants to protect the family’s financial future, while the mother wants to support her son’s aspirations.

The key here is communication, setting clear financial boundaries, and potentially looking for a compromise, such as finding a more affordable school that still meets their son’s goals.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

These commenters agree that the son should stick to a more affordable school option and use his $95K fund wisely, avoiding unnecessary debt

alv269 − NTA. Have him watch the documentary called Borrowed Future and then talk about the importance of sticking within budget.

He can apply to some higher cost schools but has to go into it knowing that going there would be dependent on scholarships.

He should also apply to other schools that he would like but that are close to the budget.

Useful-Teach-8418 − NTA. $95 K is a very generous contribution. Your son needs to choose a more affordable option

Sweet_Vanilla46 − 95k is a great fund, it is 100% reasonable for him to expect to pay the difference himself.

HoshiJones − NTA. I don't think you should put yourself in debt just so he can go to an expensive school.

Is his field of study such that this school will truly facilitate it, while a cheaper school wouldn't? If not, he shouldn't go there if he can't afford it.

Competitive_Chef_188 − I’m a former academic counselor and based on my experience absolutely DO NOT take loans in your name.

You are providing an excellent contribution to his education,

he either needs to operate within a more reasonable budget or take on more of the burden himself.

60k/year for college is insane, and here I am a proponent of high education (for those it is the right fit for).

I assume you are in the US based on the cost, is it possible to save money by utilizing community college

and then transferring or perhaps at least getting some requirements done during the summer at a lower cost for those classes? NTA btw

These commenters acknowledge the generous contribution of the $95K and advise the son to consider the long-term financial burden of taking on excessive loans

Fluffy-Garbage7820 − NTA, you're giving him a 95k headstart, if he wants to plunge himself into huge debt go for it

The fact you're handing him 95k rather than spending it on yourself is more then what 90% of parents out there do for their kids

BlondeJonZ − Here's the only thing, though. When he applies for loans, it is YOUR income they look at. I was in this position.

Only one person in my immediate and extended family put together had gone to college,

but this was the early 90s when I was getting ready to go, and my parents had been successful.

I worked my b__t off for years and was accepted into a very good school. It was my dream.

My parents told me good luck, take out school loans. Well, all of the schools calculated my eligibility for loans based on my parents' income.

I was able to scrape together some scholarships, but I will be FOREVER grateful to my grandpa for recognizing that this was my shot,

and for helping me out. When I graduated and eventually became successful, I tried to pay him back.

He wouldn't let me, but the education he gave me would have allowed me to do so. I'm not saying you're wrong.

I just wanted to give a different perspective.

This group strongly cautions against taking loans in the parent’s name, highlighting the potential negative consequences, especially if the child defaults

Any_Assumption_2023 − My husband co-signed his daughters law school loan. She defaulted and he went bankrupt  when his credit tanked.

Please don't do this. I had made him sign a pre-nup so I was fine,

but he lost his house and I had to ask my renters to move so we could live in mine.   Yes, she's a lawyer now.

BlueGreen_1956 − NTA Absolutely do NOT take out any loans in your name or as a cosigner.

Your wife will have no qualms taking you both into debt and then whining about it later when she has to cut back her lifestyle when the bill comes due.

These commenters suggest exploring scholarships or Pell grants as alternatives to taking out loans, and waiting for the financial aid package before making a decision

slacprofessor − Has your son applied, been accepted, and received his financial aid package yet?

If not, then you need to wait until he gets through all three steps. Just because the sticker price is $60k doesn’t mean that’s what he will pay.

VanyelStefan − Can he apply for scholarships or pell grants?

When it comes to supporting your kids, it’s natural to want to give them the best. But there’s a fine line between helping and enabling, especially when it comes to expensive education costs.

This father is faced with the tough decision of helping his son, but not at the expense of his family’s financial security. His wife wants to help him fulfill his dream, but he knows that going into debt isn’t the answer. Should he help more, or stick to his budget and encourage his son to make more responsible choices?

Annie Nguyen

Annie Nguyen

Hi, I'm Annie Nguyen. I'm a freelance writer and editor for Daily Highlight with experience across lifestyle, wellness, and personal growth publications. Living in San Francisco gives me endless inspiration, from cozy coffee shop corners to weekend hikes along the coast. Thanks for reading!

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