They say you can’t choose your family, but you can certainly choose whether or not to aid and abet them in corporate fraud.
Family dinners are supposed to be about passing the potatoes, not passing confidential company secrets. Yet, for one reddit user, a casual meal turned into a high-pressure negotiation where her relatives treated her employment contract like a mere suggestion.
When the demands shifted from innocent favors to requests that could result in immediate termination, or worse, this employee decided the only thing she was serving that night was her resignation from the conversation.
Now, read the full story:
The sheer audacity on display here is actually impressive, in a terrifying sort of way.
It is one thing to ask for a small employee discount if it is allowed; it is entirely another to ask a relative to commit corporate espionage by “pulling data” for a competitor or outside marketing team. That isn’t a favor. That is a lawsuit waiting to happen.
The most infuriating part is the dismissive “nobody gets caught” attitude. This shows a complete lack of respect for the OP’s livelihood. They are essentially saying, “We don’t care if you lose your ability to pay rent, as long as we get our freebies.”
The OP did the only logical thing by walking out. Trying to explain “audit trails” to people who think corporate theft is a family perk is like explaining calculus to a cat. You aren’t going to get anywhere, and you’re just going to get scratched.
Expert Opinion
This scenario touches on a concept in organizational behavior known as “Role Conflict.”
This occurs when the expectations of one role (loyal family member) clash violently with the expectations of another (ethical employee). According to the Society for Human Resource Management (SHRM), code of conduct violations regarding data privacy and conflicts of interest are among the top reasons for immediate termination in the corporate world.
What the uncle asked for (pulling marketing data) likely falls under the category of Theft of Trade Secrets. Under the Economic Espionage Act, this isn’t just a fireable offense; it can carry federal criminal charges. The relatives are suffering from what ethicists call “Bounded Ethicality,” where their self-interest blinds them to the moral and legal reality of their requests.
Furthermore, regarding the referral pressure, Harvard Business Review notes that while employee referrals are valuable, “nepotism hires” without qualifications can damage a company’s culture and the referrer’s reputation. If the OP referred the unqualified boyfriend’s son, she would be putting her own professional credibility on the line.
The OP’s boundaries were not just a preference; they were a professional survival strategy. When family members demand you set yourself on fire to keep them warm, the healthiest psychological response is exactly what the OP did: remove yourself from the fire.
Check out how the community responded:
The community immediately zeroed in on the severe consequences the OP would face. “Pulling data” isn’t like borrowing a cup of sugar.
Users offered scripts for handling these greedy requests in the future, ranging from polite refusal to outright sarcasm.
Commenters pointed out that the family’s persistence proves they care more about the perks than the person.
How to Handle Family Mooches
If you have relatives who view your job as their personal resource pool:
1. The Broken Record Method:
Stop explaining. As the OP found out, explaining “audit trails” just invites them to argue. Switch to: “I signed a contract. I cannot do that.” When they push, repeat: “I signed a contract.” Boredom is your friend here.
2. The “Jeopardy” Question:
Ask them directly: “Are you willing to pay my rent for the next year if I get fired for this?” Put the financial burden back on them verbally. It usually shuts down the conversation because nobody wants to promise money.
3. Leave the Table:
The OP’s walkout was the ultimate power move. It sets a physical boundary. If the conversation crosses the line into harassment, remove your presence. You teach people how to treat you by what you tolerate.
Conclusion
There is a distinct difference between “family discounts” and “corporate crimes.” The OP’s family tried to blur that line, hoping guilt would override the employee handbook.
Thankfully, the OP realized that a free dinner isn’t worth a federal indictment.
So, the internet stands firmly with the OP. Would you have stayed to argue, or was walking out the right call?
