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He Asked for an Open Relationship to Find “Someone Better,” But Was Shocked When She Actually Did

by Charles Butler
December 27, 2025
in Social Issues

Picture this: you have spent six wonderful years building a life with someone you adore. You have plans for engagement and a cozy future together. Then, the day before your birthday, your partner sits you down with a very unexpected confession. They love you, but they believe someone even better might be out there.

A young woman recently shared her story about navigating this exact emotional mountain. Her partner pushed for an open relationship, convinced he would find more happiness elsewhere. Feeling broken and unsure, she eventually agreed, only to find a world where she was truly valued. Her journey from feeling unlovable to finding a deep, respectful love is a powerful lesson in self-discovery.

Let us explore how this gentle transformation happened and what it means for everyone involved.

The Story

He Asked for an Open Relationship to Find "Someone Better," But Was Shocked When She Actually Did
Not the actual photo

AITAH for finding exactly what my boyfriend wanted to find in an open relationship?

sorry for the spelling, Me (31F) and my then boyfriend, now ex Matt(31m) split up about 6/7 months ago.

We were together for 6 years and up until the 5th year I thought we were verry happy. Sure we had our problems.

I am not so good at cleaning an he wanted to me to do more in the household ( we did some things together

and I cooked but most stuff were done by him, I worked more then him and not from home )

I wanted to spend more time together. We never went to bed at the same time and except for

watching a movie during dinner(only his picks, I never got to pick a movie only on my birthday) he would be

gaming all the time and I would just do my on thing. But other than that I thought we were good.

Until 1 day before my birthday. I came home from my friend’s house and he sat me down and told me:

he wanted an open relationship, he loved me but he thought that there was someone out there that he could

love more and that person could make him happier than me. This was because he felt something was missing and

he was feeling like this for 3 months now (we talked about getting engaged in these months) he talked about

this with his best friend “Emily”(childhood friends). Now I have always had the feeling he kind of had a

had a crush on her but mostly she just wanted to split us up (everybody that knows her doesn’t like her and

say she does everything for drama and didn’t want to share her friends). So when I heard she kept telling

him all the amazing things about an open relationship and he complained about me to her for three months (I

was not allowed to read any off it). I already was in therapy because I was not doing well and

this just broke me. I kept begging him to stay with me(stupid I know), that if he does love me

than what is the problem? But I would not go for an open relationship. We talked the hole month (one

of my worst birthday, I couldn’t stop crying) and decides to work on the relationship by figuring out what it

was he missed, see if it was something we could work on or not. So I found relationship exercises. 3

months go by, it did not get better. I broke only more, by hearing almost daily how I am not

enough, how he wants an open relationship, thinks there is someone better. It turned out he didn’t do any

of the exercises. When I had enough and was to broken to go on, told him I was close to

brake up with him, he said: you would never brake up with me, you love me to much. I said:

ok fine, let’s just do the open relationship for 3 months. We can both figure out what it is

that is missing and if someone would make us happier. We made rules and after the 3 month we would

close it and see if we would stay to getter or not. I felt so unlovable. But within a

day I had my first date and it turned out a lot of guys liked me. I went out with

some and they treated me so nice, I felt beautiful again and I liked to dress up and go to

places. He could not get a single date (HA) so he got mad at me. And started telling me the

only reason I got dates was because I am a woman and that’s it. While all this was happening my

best friend James (32m) went to the same thing with his girlfriend (she wanted to have the open relationship,

told him she was better than him) we really helped each other during all these months and (Maby out of

anger to our partners) decides at one point to become friends with benefits. But, we fell in love. Love I

had never felt. I found what M says he was gone look for. J is so nice and sweet, tells

me everyday that he loves me and cant believes he is with me. The moment I found out I loved

J I broke up with M. if I can love someone else I didn’t love the first guy anymore.

I didn’t tell him about my love for J( why put salt in the wound) but told him all the

things we talked about and the fact that after 2 months he got a date and broke all our rules

was just the last straw. 6 months later me and J are moving in together so I asked M to

come pick up his last tings. He started crying when he was here and told me I am a terrible

person that I moved on so fast after 6 years. I made him feel he didn’t meant anything to me

and how could I do this to him. He talked about this for 2 hours. He didn’t let me speak

and then begged me to take him back. He knows how to make me doubt myself and make me feel

like a terrible person, which I do. I feel absolute terrible for moving on so fast. I know I

hurt him deeply by it.. So AITAH for moving on so fast and basically finding what he was looking for in the open relationship.

Oh, friend, reading this makes my heart feel so heavy and yet so hopeful all at the same time. It is genuinely heartbreaking to hear that someone was told, daily, that they were not quite enough for their partner. No one should ever feel like they are just a placeholder while their person looks for a “better” version of them.

It feels like a small miracle that this young woman was able to find her light again after being dimmed for so long. Finding support in a friend who was going through the same thing is a beautiful silver lining. Sometimes, the universe places people in our path exactly when we need them most. Seeing her regain her confidence is such a lovely part of this story. Transitioning into the psychological perspective helps explain why these situations occur.

Expert Opinion

When a relationship is already under stress, suggesting an open arrangement can feel like throwing fuel on a flickering candle. Many experts refer to this as “opening under duress,” which can be a form of emotional pressure. In this case, it seems the motivation was not to grow together, but to look for an exit while keeping a safety net.

Research shows that successful non-monogamy requires a very solid foundation of trust and mutual enthusiasm. According to a report by The Gottman Institute, the quality of the friendship within a couple is the most important factor in their longevity. When one partner suggests an open relationship because they think someone “better” is out there, it severely damages the “Sound Relationship House.”

Statistically, interest in non-traditional relationships is growing. A 2021 study published in the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy found that about one in five adults has tried some form of consensual non-monogamy. However, the study notes that the outcomes vary wildly depending on whether the decision was mutual or coerced.

Dr. Alexandra Solomon, a family psychologist and author, often explains that “our partner is a mirror for our own self-worth.” In this story, the boyfriend used that mirror to make the woman feel small. Dr. Solomon notes that “true intimacy involves choosing your partner every day, not just until someone else shows up.”

By finding someone who genuinely respects her, the woman broke the cycle of feeling she was “not enough.” Her experience shows that we often find what we are looking for when we finally stop settling for less than we deserve. The emotional growth she experienced allowed her to transition into a much healthier chapter of her life.

Community Opinions

The online community gathered around this story with a lot of warmth and a few “I told you so” moments for the ex-boyfriend.

Finding True Love: Many readers celebrated that the woman found a partner who actually values her after so many years of neglect.

Grave-mortal666 - Congrats on finding love and happiness! Sounds like your ex was just salty

that he couldn't get any dates in the open relationship. Don't let his pity party bring you down.

OfficeExtra8514 - Absolutely love this for you! No need to feel bad. He’s just upset you got what he was actually looking for.

He definitely wouldn’t be crying and carrying on this way if he had have found someone else.

Elliewick - NTA al. You didn’t find what he was looking for (aka a second woman to adore him while he gave nothing in return).

You found what any decent person deserves: a partner who loves and respect you as much as you love them!

The Myth of Ownership: Commenters pointed out that the ex-boyfriend seemed to think he could keep her as a backup plan.

SammyLoops1 - omg NTA at all. "and it used to be her son's home, too" USED to, not anymore. I'm starting to get an idea why you divorced this guy.

As long as you're within the law, if I were you, I wouldn't give af if it made things difficult for either of them.

Technical_Pumpkin_65 - Why people continue to ask opening their relationship when we know how it will end it? !

You lost your love for him before opening the relationship,he was the one who treat you badly for months and ruined anything that will be saved.

Unfair Relationship Habits: Several users noticed red flags in the original relationship long before the open relationship request.

forgiveprecipitation - A man who can’t let you pick movies (only on your birthday? Wtf) this does sound like a bad relationship already. Glad you moved on

JJOkayOkay - He sounds terrible. He treated you like a convenience, not a partner he loved,

and then he said he wanted to keep you around (as a convenience) while he slept around looking for someone he likes better than you.

Definition of Ethics: A few voices explained the difference between a healthy choice and an unhealthy manipulation.

NoraFae - You were NOT in an open relationship. You were in an abusive one. I am myself a non-monogamous person and let me tell you this.

An OR is supposed to fall into ENM (Ethical non monogamy), for that to actually happen there needs to be real, consensual and enthusiastic interest from all parts implicated.

Life After Loss: Some shared their own experiences of finding a “catch” after leaving a partner who didn’t appreciate them.

[Reddit User] - NTA I moved on fast too and suddenly I was everything my ex could ever want...

Twelve years later and I've been happily married to eleven years, three kids and just content.

Turbulent_Ebb5669 - NTA He found out you play stupid games.....

How to Navigate a Situation Like This

If you are ever in a position where a partner asks to open a relationship during a difficult time, it is very important to check in with your heart. Ask yourself if this is a request made out of love or out of a desire for something “more” at your expense. Honest communication should always make you feel safer, not more vulnerable.

It is perfectly okay to say “no” to things that don’t align with your values. If you feel pressured, seeking support from a therapist or a trusted friend can provide the clarity you need. Remember that you are worth someone’s full attention and respect. Trusting your instincts is the kindest thing you can do for yourself when the path forward feels blurry.

Conclusion

In the end, this story shows us that sometimes the hardest moments lead us to where we are meant to be. While the ex-boyfriend struggled with the outcome he requested, the woman found a beautiful new beginning. It is a gentle reminder that our worth is not defined by anyone else’s opinion of us.

How do you feel about the way this story ended? Is there such a thing as “moving on too fast,” or is that just what happens when you have been waiting to be loved for a long time? We would love to hear your thoughts and stories of finding your own light.

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS STORY?

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS STORY?

OP Is Not The AH (NTA) 3/3 votes | 100%
OP Is Definitely The AH (YTA) 0/3 votes | 0%
No One Is The AH Here (NAH) 0/3 votes | 0%
Everybody Sucks Here (ESH) 0/3 votes | 0%
Need More INFO (INFO) 0/3 votes | 0%

Charles Butler

Charles Butler

Hey there, fellow spotlight seekers! As the PIC of our social issues beat—and a guy who's dived headfirst into journalism and media studies—I'm obsessed with unpacking how we chase thrills, swap stories, and tangle with the big, messy debates of inequality, justice, and resilience, whether on screens or over drinks in a dive bar. Life's an endless, twisty reel, so I love spotlighting its rawest edges in words. Growing up on early internet forums and endless news scrolls, I'm forever blending my inner fact-hoarder with the restless wanderer itching to uncover every hidden corner of the world.

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