Imagine watching the person you love slowly push away every plate of food, brushing it off with a nervous laugh and a “I’m just not hungry.” That’s the dilemma one man brought to Reddit when he admitted he’s been “forcing” his wife to eat and every meal feels like a battlefield.
His post sparked heated debate not only about food and health but also about trauma, body image, and control. Was he overstepping by playing food police, or was his concern a lifeline she desperately needed? Want the juicy details? Let’s dive into the original story below.
One man shared how his wife seems to despise food and only eats dinner because he insists
After reading this, I couldn’t shake the knot in my stomach. The description of her sneaking food into the trash felt hauntingly familiar to stories I’ve heard from friends battling silent eating struggles. His fear of becoming “the bad guy” for pushing her to eat makes sense. Love gets complicated when health is at risk. But here’s the real question: is this about dinner plates, or about deeper wounds she hasn’t healed from?
This situation doesn’t just sound like picky eating, it resembles a textbook case of disordered eating. According to the National Eating Disorders Association, eating disorders affect nearly 29 million Americans in their lifetime, and they don’t always “look” like what people imagine. A person’s weight or BMI doesn’t determine whether they’re struggling.
One of the wife’s statements, “I wish we didn’t have to eat to survive”, hints at a detachment from food that often accompanies restrictive patterns. Dr. Judith Brisman, a psychologist specializing in eating disorders, once explained: “Eating disorders are not about food. They are about control, emotions, and coping.”
The OP’s revelation that his wife was recently assaulted adds another layer. Trauma and disordered eating are often intertwined. A 2012 study published in Appetite found that women with histories of sexual trauma are significantly more likely to develop eating disorders as a means of regaining control over their bodies. This isn’t just about refusing a sandwich; it’s about reclaiming agency in a world that once stripped it away.
So what should the husband do? Experts agree that “forcing” food often backfires. As one commenter with lived experience noted, pushing too hard can drive secrecy deeper, skipped meals, hidden plates, or longer workouts to compensate. Instead, supportive strategies like offering food without pressure, creating safe eating routines, and encouraging therapy are more effective.
The treadmill detail is especially alarming. Extended exercise without adequate nutrition can lead to heart complications, brittle bones, and, in extreme cases, sudden collapse. The fact that her weight dropped to 116 pounds despite insisting she was 140 suggests she may be downplaying the issue.
What OP truly faces isn’t about being the “food enforcer” but about being an anchor while encouraging professional intervention. Therapists trained in trauma and eating disorders, or even a dietitian specializing in disordered eating, could provide safer guidance than confrontation at the dinner table.
Ultimately, this story is about a husband who loves his wife enough to fight with her over broccoli but also needs to shift from “forcing” to “supporting.” Love, after all, isn’t about control; it’s about helping someone find the strength to heal on their own terms.
See what others had to share with OP:
These users flagged her behaviors as anorexia, urging professional help from an ED-informed dietitian or psychiatrist, not a GP
This group shared personal ED insights, warning that forcing food worsens secrecy and suggesting subtle support like small plates, takeout, or trauma therapy tied to her assault
These Redditors linked her habits to depression, trauma, or control issues
This story isn’t just about dinner, it’s about grief, trauma, and a silent battle disguised as “just not being hungry.” The husband’s instincts to care are right, but the way forward isn’t force, it’s compassion, patience, and professional help.
So what do you think? Was he wrong to push her to eat, or is tough love sometimes necessary when health is at stake? Would you step in, or let her choose even if it means watching her fade? Drop your thoughts below.
