Husband Remembers His Wife’s “Hall Pass” 5 Years Later, Now He Wants To Use It On Another Woman

What happens when forgiveness isn’t enough to silence the ghosts of betrayal? One Reddit user shared his decade-long marriage saga that has readers split between sympathy and disbelief. Years ago, his wife cheated and, in a desperate attempt at reconciliation, gave him a “hall pass” to use whenever he wanted.

Fast forward five years, and he’s found himself drawn to a new friend, a woman who understands his pain because she, too, has been cheated on. Now he’s wondering: is it time to cash in on that hall pass, or has he already crossed the line? This rollercoaster of loyalty, guilt, and temptation has commenters pulling no punches. Want the tea? Let’s dive in.

A man in his mid-thirties revealed that his wife’s month-long affair years ago nearly broke him

When couples attempt to rebuild after infidelity, one of the hardest challenges is re-establishing trust and emotional safety.

According to the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT), up to 15–20% of married couples will experience infidelity, and while some marriages do recover, healing requires consistent transparency, effort, and professional guidance.

In this case, the idea of a “hall pass” complicates matters further. Dr. Shirley Glass, a leading researcher on infidelity and author of Not Just Friends, emphasizes that emotional boundaries are just as important as physical ones.

Emotional affairs, where intimacy, vulnerability, and attachment are shared with someone outside the marriage, can be equally, if not more, damaging than sexual encounters.

Although the wife once offered a hall pass after her own affair, experts stress that such arrangements rarely function as true pathways to reconciliation.

Dr. John Gottman, founder of the Gottman Institute, explains that repair after betrayal is less about “evening the score” and more about rebuilding trust through honesty, accountability, and renewed commitment. Using a hall pass years later may signal unresolved resentment rather than a constructive solution.

Clinical evidence also suggests that carrying unhealed resentment increases the risk of “attachment injuries,” moments where betrayal or abandonment feelings remain active long after the event.

Dr. Sue Johnson, developer of Emotionally Focused Therapy, notes that such injuries resurface whenever emotional needs are unmet, leading to cycles of distance or retaliation within the relationship.

Moreover, forming a close bond with someone outside the marriage, especially one that already includes hand-holding, private outings, and a strong emotional connection, fits many criteria for an emotional affair.

A 2018 study published in the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy found that participants viewed emotional infidelity as equally distressing as physical infidelity, particularly because it undermines trust and exclusivity.

For couples in similar situations, therapists recommend two main paths: recommitting to the marriage through open discussion, counseling, and strict boundaries with outside relationships, or making the difficult decision to separate when forgiveness and trust are no longer attainable.

Using a hall pass as justification for pursuing a deepening bond with another person often blurs the lines between revenge and healing.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Commenters pointed out that holding hands and sharing intimacy is emotional cheating, hall pass or not

This group said the hall pass excuse doesn’t apply what he really wants is another relationship

One noted that “hall passes” are usually meant for one-off flings, not year-long emotional connections

These commenters highlighted Melissa’s role, arguing that she’s no better than his wife if she pursues an affair despite being married herself

Do you think he should walk away from the marriage honestly, or do hall passes hold any real value once emotions get involved? Share your thoughts in the comments!