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I Was Called “Defective” by My Ex’s Mom, and Now I’m Leaving Everything Behind

by Believe Johnson
January 20, 2026
in Social Issues

A mother-in-law’s influence can destroy more than just a relationship; it can shatter a person’s sense of self-worth.

One Redditor shared their heartbreaking experience where their fiancé’s mother called them “defective” because they couldn’t have children. This label became the catalyst for the collapse of a relationship that had lasted 23 years.

The Redditor, who had been with their partner since childhood, suddenly found themselves facing the painful reality that the man they had spent their whole life with chose his mother’s opinion over their bond. Despite all the years together, his mother’s cruel words broke the bond they shared, and the dream of marriage and a future together was suddenly destroyed.

Now, with a broken heart and the weight of painful memories, they’ve decided to move back to Germany, their birthplace, and start anew. The painful words from their ex’s mother will linger for a while, but the Redditor is choosing to take control of their life.

This isn’t just a story of rejection; it’s one of strength, resilience, and finding the courage to leave toxic situations behind.

Now, read the full story:

I Was Called "Defective" by My Ex’s Mom, and Now I'm Leaving Everything Behind
Not the actual photo

'FMIl won, I'm no longer in her son's life?'

If you read my previous post on the matter, I can't have children,

my soon to be mother in law didn't like that and did what she could to sabotage our future wedding, telling people not to attend, and calling me "defective".

My future (no more) husband and his father were going to sit down with her tuesday night and try to talk sense into her. Well, she won.

I don't know what happened or what was said, but my boyfriend came home and we got into a big fight.

despite what we had discussed before, he now said that he wanted kids and if I couldn't provide them, the wedding was off.

I basically said "that sounds like your mother, not you", he replied with "I can speak for myself" and it escalated into a bunch of shouting at each other

and I quickly put together a bag and went to my parents for the evening. I called in sick from work the next day and basically stared at the ceiling.

We first met when I was 9, 23 years ago, it went from being friends to more romantic, we dated through high school and went to college together,

then after graduation, moved in together. I have never dated or seen anyone else, neither has he as far as I know. We waited so long to get married,

because it wasn't important to us as long as we were together. That changed when my dad got a terminal disease

and he expressed his wish to walk me down the aisle (I'm his only daughter) before he became too ill to walk.

I'll be giving 2 month notice at work on Monday, to give them time to find a replacement and for me to train them, then moving back to Germany.

(I didn't mention that my dad is German, my mom American, they originally met when she went there for work) I was born there and lived there at first and...

My friend, who I had mentioned before had volunteered to be a surrogate, has said I can stay in her spare room with her and her family until I get...

I'm sorry, no happy ending here. The evil mother in law won and got me out of her son's life. Technically, she got me out of the country.

I know I could move elsewhere in town, or even in the state, but I don't want to be alone here, there's too many memories,

and I have a strong support group (friends/family) overseas so that's where I'm going. I have been picked on so many times for so many things over the years

(from my height to my accent when I first moved here (gone now, I sound like any other midwestern girl) to other things), but this one hurts.

I was able to handle the others by telling myself "that's who I am, if they don't like it, that's their problem" and I'm sure in a few years,

I'll think that about this situation too, but it's too soon. thanks for reading and your kind words of support.

I'm sorry if this seems incoherent, I'm just ranting here and crying, so it's hard to keep a decent train of tought.

This is such a raw and painful moment.

The Redditor’s entire life had been wrapped around someone who was supposed to be their forever. After 23 years of shared memories, their future came crumbling down not because of their own inability to have children, but because of the pressure placed on them by an unsympathetic mother-in-law.

The hurt from their partner’s sudden change of heart isn’t just about the child issue—it’s about the trust that was broken. They were blindsided by someone they thought would be their life partner, only to find out that he was more influenced by his mother’s cruel comments than he was by the love they had built together.

The decision to move back to Germany, to step away from everything that reminded them of the pain, is an act of incredible strength. The memories may sting now, but the Redditor is choosing to create new ones in a place where they can heal and find support among friends and family.

When a partner’s family gets involved in a romantic relationship, things can get complicated. But when that family goes as far as to manipulate or undermine one partner, the impact can be profound.

The situation described by the Redditor is an example of how external influences, particularly family members, can cause emotional strain in relationships. Family interference isn’t uncommon, but the kind of emotional manipulation that comes from labeling someone as “defective” because of their inability to have children is both cruel and damaging.

Psychologists from Psychology Today emphasize that the dynamics between a partner and their family can have a profound impact on the relationship itself. When one partner consistently sides with their family over the other, it undermines trust and creates a sense of isolation. In this case, the partner’s actions not only hurt the Redditor, but also deepened their vulnerability.

The use of the term “defective” to describe someone’s inability to conceive is deeply harmful. It takes a medical situation, something beyond control, and turns it into an insult. Studies show that people who are labeled or stigmatized for their inability to have children may face long-term emotional distress, including feelings of worthlessness, isolation, and anxiety.

The Redditor’s response to move away from this environment and back to Germany is a powerful choice. Research on personal growth after significant life changes suggests that relocating to a more supportive environment can provide the emotional space needed to heal and rebuild one’s sense of self-worth. Taking control of the narrative and stepping away from toxic situations helps people reclaim their agency and move forward in a healthier, more positive way.

The final act of standing up for herself, whether it was in slapping her ex or asserting her boundaries—was also a moment of reclaiming power. Psychologists explain that moments of assertiveness, even in difficult situations, can help a person feel more in control and reduce the emotional toll that manipulation and rejection take on the body.

Check out how the community responded:

The majority of Redditors were quick to call out the ex and mother-in-law for their cruel actions and praised the Redditor for moving on.

babybitching - Power to you. You’re strong and you will thrive in Germany.

hornyandupset - You dodged a bullet, and you’re better off without those toxic people.

romansapprentice - Your ex is spineless. Don’t let him drag you down, you’re better off without him.

Others empathized with the pain of the breakup, acknowledging the difficult journey ahead.

area51suicidalfunrun - You’re not defective. Your ex was weak. You’ll find someone better.

Silkstone1980 - Your ex and his mother are the ones who are defective. Bullet dodged!

A few commenters advised the Redditor to embrace the fresh start and focus on their new life ahead.

CheckIntelligent7828 - This is your new chapter, and it’s going to be a great one.

This story is a painful reminder of how deeply family influence can affect relationships.

The Redditor gave everything to someone they loved for over two decades, only to find that his family’s cruel words shattered it all. The ex and his mother failed to see the value in the relationship, opting to prioritize their own desires over the love they had built.

But in the end, the Redditor chose to walk away from the toxicity and begin anew. Moving back to Germany may seem like an extreme decision, but sometimes the best way to heal is to create space for growth in an environment where support is abundant.

There’s no easy way to move on from a situation like this, but the Redditor’s decision to focus on themselves, away from the negativity, is a powerful step toward healing.

What do you think? Was leaving the right move? Or would you have fought harder to make the relationship work?

Believe Johnson

Believe Johnson

Believe Johnson - a dedicated full-time writer specializing in entertainment and news writing. Her experience in various jobs related to movies and TV show news enhances her understanding of the industry, making her an indispensable team member.

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