Dating is rough. Online dating? Even rougher. And while filters and flattering angles are pretty much standard in today’s swipe culture, there’s still a line between highlighting your best self and creating a totally different person. This story touches that nerve.
One man, who claims he’s tired of ghosting and wants to be honest, found himself in a moral dilemma after meeting a woman who, according to him, “catfished” with old photos and edited selfies. Now he’s wondering: if she asks why he doesn’t want a second date, is he the jerk for telling her the truth?
The Original Poster Claims She Looked Nothing Like Her Photos
Dating apps have made it easier than ever to meet someone new—but also easier to pretend to be someone you’re not. One filtered selfie here, a flattering photo from five years ago there, and suddenly your profile becomes a carefully curated version of yourself. For some, that’s marketing. For others, it crosses a line. This isn’t about being shallow. It’s about trust.
Dr. Chloe Carmichael, a licensed clinical psychologist and author of Nervous Energy, explains that overly edited or outdated photos can trigger something deeper than just disappointment: “When someone’s photos are filtered beyond recognition or are outdated, it creates a subconscious red flag. You begin the relationship on the defensive—asking what else they’ve hidden.”
And she’s right. That initial gap between expectation and reality can change the tone of everything that follows. Attraction fades fast when someone feels like they’ve been set up—whether it’s about age, weight, or simply showing up as someone completely different from their profile.
In a 2020 Pew Research Center report, 71% of people said lying about physical appearance was a common issue on dating apps. And among men specifically, over half said that this kind of deception was a dealbreaker.
It’s not just about appearances—it’s about integrity. No one wants to feel like they’ve been manipulated before the appetizers even arrive.
That said, how you communicate your feelings matters just as much as what you say. There’s a massive difference between calling someone out harshly and speaking with kindness. You can say, “This wasn’t what I expected, and I don’t feel the connection I was hoping for,” without ever mentioning weight or looks.
Sometimes, being honest is the kindest thing. Other times, silence is safer. But what most people seem to agree on is this: starting any potential relationship on a foundation of truth is better than building it on filters and illusions.
Let me know if you’d like a different emotional focus—more empathetic, more critical, or something in between.
Reddit’s swipers backed the Redditor’s honesty but urged tact to avoid cruelty
This group encouraged telling the truth about her deceptive photos
These Redditors called the date’s actions unfair and deliberate
![[Reddit User] − NTA She's wasting everyone's time. This isn't body positivity for her. She's attempting to trick people into matching with her. It's sad because she knows it because why else would she be sending old n*des or heavily filtered pics?](https://dailyhighlight.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/07/45647-18.jpg "Man Confronts Tinder Date For Using Old Photos To Deceive Him—What She Did Next Left Him Speechless")
These commenters warned the Redditor to tread lightly to avoid backlash
Many users also shared their related story about dating someone whom they met through online apps
The Redditor’s situation taps into a larger conversation about authenticity in modern dating. Attraction might be subjective, but deception is universally damaging. And if someone builds a connection based on photos that don’t resemble them anymore — they should expect disappointment, not sympathy.
Still, empathy matters. If he chooses to speak up, how he says it could define whether he’s being helpful — or just harsh. So, would he be the bad guy for telling the truth? Most say no — but how that truth is delivered makes all the difference.
