Man Goes Behind Fiancée Back To Remove Vegan Food From Wedding, Is She Overreacting By Standing Her Ground?

When two people with different backgrounds come together, compromise is key, especially when it comes to wedding planning. For this Redditor, things took a turn when her fiancé made a unilateral decision to remove vegan options from their wedding menu.

As a lifelong vegan, she was adamant about having vegan choices for herself and her family, but her fiancé’s family, who are meat eaters, strongly opposed it. Despite her insistence, her fiancé made the decision to go along with his mother’s wishes, leaving her feeling hurt and disregarded.

The fallout from this decision led to a heated argument, with her fiancé defending his actions and accusing her of being too controlling. Now, she’s left wondering whether she was wrong for fighting for vegan options or if her fiancé should have respected her wishes more.

Was she justified in her reaction, or did she overstep? Keep reading to see how this conflict played out.

A woman flips out when she learns her fiancé secretly removed all vegan options from their wedding menu

In situations like this one, a human partner doesn’t just argue over dinner preferences, they argue over respect, identity, and feeling heard.

What begins as a disagreement about food can quickly become a flashpoint for deeper feelings of invalidation and control. This makes the conflict painful for someone who feels sidelined.

When the OP insisted on vegan options at her wedding, she wasn’t picking random food, she was standing up for a core part of her lifestyle and family’s health values. Removing those options behind her back signaled that her values, and by extension her identity, were being dismissed.

That kind of dismissal often stirs resentment, frustration, even grief because it’s not about a single meal, but about being seen and respected.

From a relationship‑psychology perspective, this isn’t just a simple disagreement; it’s a breakdown in emotional communication and validation.

As noted in a recent article about relationships, “invalidation is one of the most destructive forces in relationships. It creates a toxic cycle that leads to emotional isolation and resentment.”

Another respected view comes from the work compiled by The Gottman Institute: when one partner repeatedly fails to listen or interrupts, changes subject, downplays feelings, the other partner begins to feel invisible, ignored, and emotionally erased.

That helps explain why OP “flipped out.” It wasn’t just anger over food, it was anger born from feeling unseen and disrespected. In many relationships, continuous invalidation breeds emotional pain that’s much deeper than the immediate disagreement.

Viewed from this lens, the fiancé’s action wasn’t merely a practical decision. It reflected a broader dynamic: a lack of empathy and a failure to treat his partner’s needs and values as equal to his own.

When you hide a significant choice from someone, especially one so central to their identity, you signal that their voice doesn’t matter. That can erode trust long before the wedding day arrives.

Real change in such a situation will need more than apologies over one fight. The couple should reconnect by openly acknowledging each other’s values.

The partner who removed the options must recognize that this wasn’t a “small thing,” but a boundary violation in terms of respect and respect for identity. And they need to commit to valuing, not just tolerating, the other’s beliefs going forward.

Weddings are meant to celebrate unity. Yet when one side feels erased, it becomes a battleground for recognition rather than harmony.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

This group strongly supported OP, pointing out the lack of respect and manipulation from both the fiancé and his mother

These commenters also agreed that OP was justified in being upset, highlighting the fiancé’s ignorance and lack of compromise

The disagreement over the wedding menu may seem trivial on the surface, but it’s a symptom of deeper issues in the relationship. The groom’s inability to respect his fiancée’s values and the fact that he went behind her back to make a decision without her input should raise some serious red flags.

Relationships are built on compromise, but this couple seems to be struggling with the basics of communication and mutual respect.

So, what do you think? Was the bride justified in flipping out, or did she overreact? Should she call off the wedding or give her fiancé one more chance? Let us know your thoughts in the comments below!