Man Overheard His Friend Admit To Fetishizing Their Gay Friends, Should He Speak Up?

Sometimes, protecting a friend means deciding how much truth they really need to hear. A 19-year-old recently faced that dilemma when a mutual friend revealed she fantasized about his gay best friend and his boyfriend, even describing their intimacy as “hot.”

It wasn’t a harmless crush. Her comments crossed a line between admiration and fetishization, and now he’s struggling with whether to tell his friend or keep her secret.

A guy, hearing his friend fetishize his gay bestie and bi boyfriend with threesome fantasies, wrestles with telling them despite her drunk confession

Man Overheard His Friend Admit To Fetishizing Their Gay Friends, Should He Speak Up? — not the actual photo

OP later edited the post

What is fetishization and why it matters? Fetishization occurs when a person is reduced to a single aspect of their identity (such as their sexual orientation, body type, or relationship structure) and treated primarily as an object of sexual or social interest rather than a whole person.

For example, the organization Youth OUTright explains that fetishization of queer people often involves treating their relationships and identities as “sexy props” rather than granting the same depth of respect as heterosexual counterparts. It’s not just attraction, it’s objectification, and it has real emotional consequences.

In LGBTQ+ contexts, this can look like the assumption that a gay man is automatically available to join heterosexual fantasies, or that a queer relationship is somehow “cool” for straight spectators rather than for the people in it.

Research in trans and nonbinary communities shows that fetishization is linked with reduced emotional safety, and sometimes with increased risk of harassment or abuse. (SpringerLink)

Experts at Verywell Mind note that people who fetishize others often fail to recognize the power imbalance their fantasies create. What seems like a harmless comment or fantasy to one person can be deeply invalidating to another, especially when it targets a marginalized identity.

In this case, Sally’s comments not only disrespected Avery’s sexuality but also undermined his relationship by implying it existed for her entertainment or participation.

From a psychological standpoint, the friend’s instinct to protect Avery is understandable, even commendable. Witnessing fetishization and staying silent can feel like complicity.

But as sociologist Dr. Meg-John Barker points out, the most ethical approach is careful disclosure: speaking to the affected person in a supportive, non-dramatic way, emphasizing concern rather than condemnation. This approach respects agency while still addressing harm.