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Mom Moves For New Husband’s Military Job, Older Kids Say She “Chose A Man Over Them” And Cut Her Off

by Annie Nguyen
November 20, 2025
in Social Issues

Family can be a source of joy, but it can just as easily become a battleground for conflicting interests and emotions. When personal desires clash with parental responsibilities, the fallout can leave lasting scars. This is precisely what one mother is confronting after uprooting her children’s lives to follow her husband’s military career.

The original poster (OP) has found herself in a heartbreaking situation, where her children are voicing their resentment over the move, claiming that she chose her new life partner over them.

With a tense holiday visit behind her and her children now distant, she seeks insight from the online community. What will the consensus be on her choices and the impact on her family? Read on to delve deeper into the nuanced opinions surrounding her story.

One mother faces the fallout after uprooting her family for love, and the consequences are not pretty

Mom Moves For New Husband’s Military Job, Older Kids Say She “Chose A Man Over Them” And Cut Her Off
Not the actual photo

AITA - I moved for my husband's job, my kids now hate me?

My ex and I split 5 years ago now.

We had a daughter who is 16, a son who is 13 and a daughter who is 5.

He's always been a good dad, and we split 50/50 custody, essentially the kids one week my house/one week his house.

After my divorce, I reconnected with a high school boyfriend and fell head over heels in love again.

He's in the military but hadn't had to move in years. We married 2 years ago.

A year ago, he got orders to move to Texas from where we all were in California.

My older two kids were not happy at all, and didn't want to move, while the baby didn't really express a preference.

I approached my ex and told him the situation.

I said I know the situation sucks, but we'd foot the bill to him for every trip to him on holidays, breaks, summers, etc.

He blew his top and said absolutely not, I wouldn't "take his kids away" and said he'd see me in court.

The judge ended up ruling in his favor, and I was awarded summers and every other holiday.

I was absolutely devastated. I moved, and I've barely seen the kids since.

They came at Christmas for a week, and it was tense the whole time.

The older kids, especially my daughter, are short with me on FaceTime, while the baby gets distracted and can't chat much.

My daughter has said I chose a man over her, and that she wants nothing to do with me, while my son won't talk about it but I can tell...

I've asked my ex to talk to them about it and he basically said I chose to leave,

it's my fault and he's not getting involved in "our issues".

So, let me have it Reddit, AITA?

Family relationships can unravel quickly, exposing just how deeply a parent’s decisions can shape a child’s sense of security and trust. The Reddit story captures a mother’s heart-wrenching dilemma as she navigates a transition that leaves her children feeling abandoned.

The mother in this story faced a choice not only between two homes but also between two worlds, her aspirations and the emotional well-being of her children. This situation is a vivid illustration of the emotional turmoil that often accompanies divorce and subsequent relationships.

The older children, particularly the daughter, expressed their feelings of betrayal, accusing their mother of prioritizing her new husband over their needs.

Such a perspective underscores a painful reality: children often perceive parental decisions through the lens of their emotional security, which makes them feel vulnerable when changes disrupt their familiar environments.

From a psychological standpoint, it is essential to recognize that individuals often approach complex decisions from different emotional frameworks.

For instance, while the mother may have seen this move as a chance for a fresh start filled with love, the children likely viewed it as a loss, a severing of the ties that linked them to their father and the stability they had known.

Research indicates that children of divorced parents can experience abandonment issues, particularly when they feel their needs are secondary to their parents’ romantic pursuits. This emotional disconnect can lead to feelings of anger, sadness, and confusion, as seen in the children’s reactions.

From a psychological perspective, the emotional upheaval in this story isn’t just about moving houses; it’s about children feeling secondary.

As Dr. Judith Wallerstein observed, “Children in intact marriages that have longstanding intense conflict are worse off than other kids.” The kids’ bitterness and distance reflect a sense of betrayal and unfairness, rooted in the parents’ decision to relocate and build a new life.

This insight emphasizes the importance of involving children in discussions about significant life changes, fostering an environment where their voices are heard and respected.

The mother’s decision, although made with the intention of pursuing happiness, inadvertently sidelined her children’s emotional needs. By failing to engage them in the conversation about the move, she lost the opportunity to mitigate their feelings of abandonment.

Such dynamics demonstrate the importance of balancing personal desires with the emotional ramifications of parental choices.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

Commenters are saying OP chose her husband over her children

Xerrias − YTA, you prioritized this man who you hadn’t seen

for years over your children and essentially gave them no say at all in the matter.

These kids are not just your’s and you have no right

to take them away from their father without allowing them any input.

admadguy − Kinda selfish. .. And yes YTA . ..You didn't ask your kids' opinion about moving

they're old enough to have that conversation.

You instead decided on your own for what you wanted

and when told no Fought to have you way in court and lost, I'd say rightfully.

You didn't ask your ex's opinion, they're his kids too.

you just announced something based on what you and your husband wanted.

Absurdstrawberries − YTA here for a few reasons.

It sounds like you told your ex you were moving and wanted to take the kids instead of having a discussion with him

about the move and how that would function.

Assuming that he's an involved dad and the reason

for your divorce wasn't abuse, you absolutely should have spoken to him first.

Did you consider doing the long distance thing with your husband?

It's a hell of a lot easier for you to fly down a few times a month than forcing your kids away from their dad.

At the end of the day, you chose the needs of your husband over the needs of your children,

knowing that relocating the kids away from their dad would be incredibly hard

for them and that their dad is an active and loving parent.

YTA here, and I can understand why the kids are upset.

There are commenters emphasizing legal consequences, custody rulings, and leaving young children

ostentia − YTA. Why is “take his kids away” in scare quotes like

that wasn’t exactly what you were doing?

Good for your ex-husband for fighting for his kids, it was insane of you

to think he’d just let you move them across the country.

Good for your ex-husband for fighting for his kids

it was insane of you to think he’d just let you move them across the country.

Cheeriodarlin − YTA. You're a parent and you failed to consider

what your relationship choices would do to your family.

Your ex didn't deserve to lose custody because of your choices.

Of course marrying a guy in the military comes with a high chance of relocation.

Wtf did you think would happen? You chose yourself over your kids.

chartito − YTA I don't know why in the world you thought you could

or should just take your kids away from their father

because you decide to marry a military guy. Actions have consequences.

Your daughter is right, you made a choice and it wasn't your children.

You should really be ashamed of yourself.

[Reddit User] − YTA. You left your 5 year old behind.

It’s bad enough to leave kids who are old enough to understand, but 5 is practically still a baby.

At best you chose a man over your children, at worst you tried to take them from their father. You deserve all their anger

monkeiboi − YTA 1000% How the judge ruling DEVASTATINGLY against you,

the mother, in favor of the father, did not clue you in is a mystery to me.

Your ex is right. YOU chose to leave.

AprilL4163 − YTA. I'm a divorced mom of 3 with week-on-week off.

I totally get how hard it is to balance your new like

with the other responsibilities of kids and co-parenting, but the kids have to come first.

It's a sucky situation but when presented with the choice

of being long distance from your kids or from your husband,

you should have chosen the long-distance relationship with your husband.

Your kids are dealing with abandonment issues and get to be upset and hurt.

Whether or not you feel like, you did choose your new husband over them.

Appleseedsonn − YTA. Sounds like you didn't even ask the kids about a compromise;

it was either him or the kids and you chose him.

From your post, it really does sound like you got the butterflys in your tummy

and was well worth losing custody over your kids for.

I would feel abandoned too if I were them.

fmus − YTA. Why would you assume the kids would leave with you?

Split custody and the convo with your ex was “they are coming with me

and I’ll send them to visit sometime and I’ll pay for it”.

Who gave you that right? Also you put “take my kids away

from me” in quotes like they aren’t his kids too.

So everyone other than you wanted to stay in Cali

and you just go and tell them that tough luck they are leaving regardless

and they aren’t as much the dads as they are yours.

Your kids say no and you decide to take the family to court to force their hand.

When you lose you abandon your kids for your husbands career.

You have to live with the consequences of your choices, like you used to teach your kids,

and that means you will be rightfully seen as an a__hole. Good luck fixing this.

[Reddit User] − Well, boiled down you left the kids for a man.

It was your choice, and you knew how it could turn out. I'd say yes. Yta

Was there any way you could stay with the kids was this even explored?

BuzzardBlack − A judge rules in favor of the father in a custody battle. Take a wild guess.

[Reddit User] − YTA. You chose a man over your kids.

I would understand you have two older kids in their teens, but you left your 5 year old.

I think you are lucky that you have such an amazing ex who loves his kids and fought for them.

There are commenters offering brief confessions, snark, or quick judgments

Davidcottontail − Ima bad mom AITA lol

This mother’s journey raises questions about responsibility and sacrifice in family dynamics. Did she truly have her children’s best interests at heart, or was she blinded by love? People sympathized with her predicament, but many felt her kids’ feelings of abandonment were justified.

Do you think the mother should have prioritized her kids over her new husband, or is it okay to seek happiness in a new relationship? Share your hot takes below!

Annie Nguyen

Annie Nguyen

Hi, I'm Annie Nguyen. I'm a freelance writer and editor for Daily Highlight with experience across lifestyle, wellness, and personal growth publications. Living in San Francisco gives me endless inspiration, from cozy coffee shop corners to weekend hikes along the coast. Thanks for reading!

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