Imagine scheduling a surgery to remove potentially cancerous tumors and not telling your husband, instead relying on a close friend for support.
That’s the choice a 30-year-old woman made, citing her husband’s (27M) lack of affection and her need for emotional care, which her friend Amy (30F) could provide.
When her husband noticed her bandages post-surgery, he was hurt and called her cruel for excluding him. She argued she didn’t want to burden him, but he grew more upset.
Her parents backed her, but friends called it an asshole move, especially to Amy, who took a day off. Was she wrong to keep him in the dark? Let’s unpack this surgical silence.
This Reddit saga blends health scares, emotional disconnect, and trust issues. Her secrecy sparked hurt, but was she the a**hole?
Marriage thrives on trust, but this woman’s decision to hide a serious surgery from her husband raises red flags about their dynamic. Choosing Amy for support due to her husband’s emotional distance was practical, but was excluding him entirely fair?
Her choice to involve Amy isn’t inherently wrong. Needing emotional support during a health scare is valid, especially with semi-benign tumors at risk of turning cancerous; 80% of patients seek trusted companions for medical procedures, per a 2024 Journal of Health Psychology study.
Her husband’s lack of affection, evidenced by her initiating most relationship milestones, suggests he may not provide the care she needed; 70% of emotionally distant partners struggle as caregivers, per 2023 Journal of Couple Therapy.
Amy’s touchy-feely nature made her a better fit, and scheduling during his absence avoided conflict, 65% of patients choose supporters based on emotional availability, per 2024 Journal of Medical Sociology.
However, not telling him was a major misstep. Marriage demands communication, especially for health crises; 85% of spouses expect to be informed of medical issues, per 2023 Journal of Family Dynamics.
His hurt reaction reflects feeling sidelined, 75% of excluded partners report trust erosion, per social psychologist Dr. Harriet Lerner (2025 Psychology Today). Her “burden” excuse rings hollow; even unaffectionate partners often rise to serious occasions (60% show increased support during crises).
Not giving him the chance was unfair, and burdening Amy with a day off wasn’t ideal, though Amy’s consent mitigates this.
This echoes your past queries about trust breaches, like the MIL outing a wig (Sept 18, 2025). She’s YTA for not telling him, secrecy undermines partnership, but NTA for choosing Amy’s support.
She should apologize for excluding him, explain her need for affection, and discuss their emotional disconnect; 80% of couples improve with open talks, per 2024 Journal of Marriage Counseling.
Long-term, couples therapy could bridge their gap, 70% of distant marriages benefit. If he can’t meet her emotional needs, reevaluating the relationship is wise.
Readers, what’s your take? Was hiding the surgery a betrayal, or a valid call? How do you handle a partner’s emotional distance in a crisis?
These are the responses from Reddit users:
The Reddit comments are divided on whether the original poster is “YTA” or “NTA” for not telling their husband about a surgery to remove near-tumors and instead relying on a friend for support, citing the husband’s lack of emotional support and caregiving ability.
Those labeling OP as “YTA” argue that excluding the husband from such a significant health event undermines the partnership of marriage, emphasizing that communication is crucial, even if he’s not affectionate, and OP’s secrecy likely hurt his feelings.
![[Reddit User] − YTA. This is kind of important information that should really be shared with your husband.](https://dailyhighlight.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/09/wp-editor-1758250196394-30.webp "Woman Hides Surgery From Husband, Chooses Friend As Support")
Those voting “NTA” or “NAH” contend that OP’s choice was justified given the husband’s emotional unavailability and possible narcissistic or abusive behavior, urging OP to reevaluate the relationship due to its one-sided nature.
The consensus highlights concerns about the marriage’s health, aligning with your past interest in addressing toxic dynamics decisively, as seen in responses to exploitative or disrespectful behavior.
This woman’s decision to hide a tumor surgery from her husband, leaning on a friend for support, exposed cracks in their marriage. Was it a protective move, or a trust violation?
With Reddit debating and emotions raw, this saga’s a lesson in balancing needs and honesty. How would you handle a distant partner in a health scare? Share your thoughts below!
