Mom Tries To Return To Work After Maternity Leave, Husband Treats It Like Divorce Papers

Before becoming parents, couples often make plans that seem perfect in theory. But real life, especially life with a newborn, can test every promise. What feels right before sleepless nights and endless feedings can look very different afterward.

For this young mom, staying home sounded like the ideal plan until it started to drain her emotionally. A part-time job offer felt like hope, but her husband saw it as breaking their agreement.

Can a mother’s desire to work be an act of love for herself and her family or is it, as her husband believes, abandonment?

The argument that followed cut deep, leaving her torn between guilt and self-preservation.

The poster agreed (pre-baby) to be a SAHM, then discovered that endless solo days, identity loss, and a partner with marathon work hours are… not quite the dream.

Her husband calls a part-time return “abandonment”; she calls it survival. What’s really on trial isn’t her love for the baby, but whether a plan made under imagined conditions must override evidence from lived experience.

The literature is clear, employment after childbirth is often protective for maternal mental health, especially when accompanied by social support.

A longitudinal study found that postpartum employment and support were independently associated with fewer depressive symptoms (translation: work can help, help also helps).

Even classic findings highlighted by the American Psychological Association show that mothers with jobs tend to report better health and well-being than those who remain at home during children’s infant/preschool years, hardly the portrait of a derelict parent.

What about the “family first” argument? It doesn’t actually conflict with flexible work; it depends on it.

Evidence across labor and health research suggests that flexitime/telework helps mothers maintain employment post-birth and reduces work–family conflict, precisely the tension playing out here.

Big-picture surveys from Pew also show that U.S. parents shoulder heavy, often clashing expectations about roles and time, meaning couples benefit when they renegotiate rather than moralize.

The husband’s claim that “we’re not enough for you” reframes her need for adult stimulation as emotional betrayal. It isn’t.

Returning part-time with partial benefits, remote options, and minimal in-office days is exactly the sort of adaptive arrangement associated with better maternal well-being and more stable couple dynamics over time.

A balanced way forward would be to treat this conflict as an adjustment, not a betrayal. The couple could revisit their original agreement, acknowledging that plans made before parenthood often need revision.

Setting a short trial period for the part-time job, tracking stress and workload, and redefining responsibilities would create structure instead of resentment.

Involving a counselor might help turn “you broke your word” into “how can this work for both of us?” Ultimately, this isn’t abandoning the family, it’s adapting to real life.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

These commenters rallied behind the OP, agreeing she was NTA for wanting to return to work.

Some emphasized that feeling trapped at home is a form of emotional suffocation, not a moral failing.

A group of Redditors highlighted serious red flags of control and abuse.

Some commenters added empathy and encouragement, reminding the OP that changing her mind doesn’t make her selfish.

It’s easy to promise the world before you’ve lived inside it. When priorities shift after childbirth, is that truly betrayal, or just growth?

Should love mean adapting together or holding each other to outdated promises? What would you do if your partner refused to let you rediscover yourself? Share your perspective below!