Strict parenting has always been controversial. One may find it effective when it comes to teaching children how to behave. Yet, it could cross the line and make children grow up feeling mentally abused.
A 62-year-old Reddit user shared how her 28-year-old daughter’s insecurities stem from a strict upbringing shaped by the mother’s refugee past. Harsh rules, meant to build resilience, left lasting scars, with silent treatments and solitary meals fueling the rift.
The daughter’s pain clashed with the mother’s defense: she didn’t foresee the mental toll, especially since her younger child thrived. Reddit’s buzzing with opinions, dissecting this tangle of regret and blame. Parenting’s tough dance with expectations unfolds in this emotional story.
A mother’s effort to ease her daughter’s academic stress spiraled into a raw confrontation, unearthing old wounds.
It is not easy to know whenever strict parenting goes too far, thus becomes abusive. In this Reddit story, the mom, shaped by her own strict non-Western upbringing and a traumatic past, leaned hard on discipline to secure her daughters’ futures.
But her eldest’s struggle with depression and perfectionism sparked a fiery debate: did her parenting style cause the pain, or is it just her daughter’s personality?
The mom’s strict rules like banning her daughter from the dinner table for “average” grades were meant to push academic excellence but ended up fostering insecurity.
The daughter, now a master’s student, still chases perfection, crumbling when she falls short. Meanwhile, her younger sister, raised with slightly looser reins, seems to cope better.
The mom tries to prove a point: “We didn’t know it’d affect her mental health like this, her sister’s fine!” But many from the community consider this unreasonable, with the daughter feeling blamed for her own pain.
Parenting styles can profoundly shape mental health. A 2019 study from the American Psychological Association found that authoritarian parenting, with high demands, low warmth, correlates with higher risks of anxiety and depression in children.
The mom’s tactics, like silent treatments and isolating meals, align with this style, likely amplifying her daughter’s need for approval.
Dr. John Gottman, a renowned psychologist, notes, “Children raised with criticism rather than encouragement often internalize a sense of inadequacy” This fits the daughter’s struggle, where every grade feels like a verdict on her worth.
However, the mom’s context matters. Fleeing a war-torn country, she prioritized her daughters’ success to escape their past struggles.
Her younger daughter’s resilience might suggest personality plays a role, as research shows individual temperament can influence how kids respond to strict parenting.
Yet, dismissing the eldest’s pain as “her personality” risks invalidating real harm. The mom’s regret is clear, but her defense misses the mark. Her blaming her daughter’s “weakness” echoes the criticism that fueled the issue.
So, what’s the fix? Open communication is key. The mom could acknowledge her mistakes fully, without caveats, and seek family therapy to rebuild trust. Both sides could explore how cultural expectations shaped their clash.
Here’s what the community had to contribute:
Many users believe the parent’s harsh treatment caused their daughter’s mental health issues.
People argue the parent’s actions were abusive and they must take full responsibility.
![[Reddit User] − YTA - so you were abusive towards her, realize it but still blame her for it.](https://dailyhighlight.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/10/wp-editor-1761096796286-5.webp "Mom’s Silent Treatment And Dinner Ban For Not Getting Into Higher Education Left Daughter Growing Up Depressed")
![[Reddit User] − YTA OP I understand that you were raised the same way. That you struggled to try and give your daughter a better life.](https://dailyhighlight.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/10/wp-editor-1761096797541-6.webp "Mom’s Silent Treatment And Dinner Ban For Not Getting Into Higher Education Left Daughter Growing Up Depressed")
A group of users assert the parent’s inconsistent parenting and denial exacerbate the daughter’s struggles.
A person condemns the parent’s punitive actions as abusive and unjustifiable.
![[Reddit User] − She could not eat with you if her grades weren’t good enough? You made her eat in the kitchen standing up! WTF?!](https://dailyhighlight.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/10/wp-editor-1761096370730-1.webp "Mom’s Silent Treatment And Dinner Ban For Not Getting Into Higher Education Left Daughter Growing Up Depressed")
Can good intentions justify painful mistakes? The mom’s strict rules, born from her own survival story, aimed to secure her daughter’s future but left lasting scars.
Was it fair to point to her daughter’s personality as part of the problem, or should she own the full weight of her parenting choices?
How would you handle this family fallout? Would you push for a heartfelt apology or see both sides? Drop your thoughts below and let’s keep the conversation going!
