My High School Bully Followed Me to College to Confess His Love, So I Outed Him

We have all seen the movie trope: the aggressive bully pushes the protagonist against a locker, only to reveal moments later that they were secretly in love with them the whole time. In fiction, this is played for romance. In real life, it is a terrifying nightmare.

For one college student, this “enemies-to-lovers” fantasy became a dark reality when his high school tormentor followed him to university, moved into his dorm, and confessed that his years of homophobic abuse were actually just “playing.” When the victim rejected him, the bullying turned into stalking. Terrified and ignored by school authorities, the victim decided to use the only weapon he had left: the truth.

Now, read the full story:

The Dangerous Reality of “Rejection Violence”

This story is a grim case study in how dangerous the transition from “bully” to “stalker” can be. The OP (Original Poster) wasn’t just dealing with an annoyingly persistent admirer; he was dealing with a man who had a history of abusing him to suppress his own identity.

Psychologically, Tim fits the profile of someone struggling with severe internalized homophobia. Research published in Science of People and other psychological journals suggests that bullies often project their own insecurities onto their victims. Tim lashed out at the OP in high school to distance himself from his own attraction. When he finally confessed and was rejected, that internal conflict likely curdled into obsession.

The OP’s fear was entirely justified. According to the Stalking Prevention, Awareness, and Resource Center (SPARC), 18-to-24-year-olds experience the highest rates of stalking among adults. Crucially, stalking often escalates when the perpetrator feels a loss of control.

“Stalking is a pattern of behavior that makes you feel afraid, nervous, harassed, or in danger. It is when someone repeatedly contacts you, follows you, sends you things, talks to you when you don’t want them to, or threatens you.” — SPARC

The school’s failure to act is a systemic failure common on college campuses. Because Tim lived in the same dorm, authorities likely dismissed the stalking as “coincidence,” forcing the OP into a corner where he felt he had to take extreme measures to survive.

Was it Unethical to Out Him?

Outing” someone, revealing their sexual orientation without consent, is widely considered a major violation of privacy and safety within the LGBTQ+ community. However, this situation introduces a complex ethical caveat: Self-Defense.

Tim was using the closet as a shield. He could harass the OP in private while maintaining his “straight” reputation in public. By exposing the texts, the OP stripped Tim of that protection. While the consequence, Tim being disowned, is undoubtedly tragic, it was a direct result of Tim’s own harassment.

As many ethics experts argue, when an aggressor threatens your physical safety, your obligation to protect their secrets dissolves.

Check out how the community responded:

The Verdict: Self-Defense Trumps Privacy. The overwhelming majority of Redditors sided with the OP.  

While supporting the OP’s decision, several users pointed out that outing a violent or unstable person can actually increase the danger.

Many users pointed out the irony of the situation. 

How to Navigate a Situation Like This

If you are being stalked, especially by someone you know, do not rely solely on school administrators. They often lack the power or will to intervene effectively in “he said, she said” dorm disputes.

Follow the “SPARC” Protocol:

1. Documentation: Keep a detailed log of every incident. Screenshots of texts, photos of him following you, and dates/times of encounters. This builds a legal case.
2. Boundaries: Send one clear, written message stating, “Do not contact me again.” Do not engage after this.
3. Escalation: If the behavior continues, go to the police, not just the Dean. A restraining order is a legal document that carries more weight than a dorm violation.

The OP’s decision to go public was a desperate measure, but it worked. It stopped the immediate threat. However, the fallout is a heavy burden to bear.

So, the consensus seems to be that the OP is NTA. He didn’t out Tim for fun; he did it to survive.

What do you think? Is outing someone ever justified if they are threatening your safety, or should the OP have found another way to handle the stalker?